Written for my Year 10 (I think) English class.
Have you ever looked back on your life and thought, why did I do that? What was I thinking? I should have asked for help. Have you ever wondered what would have become of your life if you had swallowed your pride? Would you still be where you are now, or did that one stupid decision change the course of your life? I ask myself these questions every day. Maybe if I had listened to my parents all those years ago, I wouldn’t be in this position right now. It took me too long to realise how important family really is, it took too many bad things to happen before I finally realised that I had been taking my family for granted. All they ever wanted to do was help me; they only ever had my best interests at heart. But me being the stubborn person I am, ignored their offers of help and support and went off and did everything on my own. I never talked to them about the accident; I just tried to forget it ever happened. I knew they only wanted to help me, but I didn’t want their help, I had too much pride. I thought that I could get through it by my-self; I had my faith to keep me strong. But sometimes, faith just isn’t enough, sometimes, faith can never help and the only things that can are the love and support that only family can offer.
I guess it really is bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.
Four years earlier
When I woke that morning I couldn’t keep the smile off my face when I realised today was the day. The day I was finally getting married. I pushed the sheets off me and climbed out of my warm bed and into the bathroom to shower. When I was finished I wrapped a bath-robe around me and headed back to my room. My brides-maids (my sister and my two best-friends) would be coming in soon to help me get ready. When I opened the door I saw my fiancé, Brian sitting on the edge of my bed. “What are you doing here? Don’t you know that it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?” I questioned, trying to sound stern. He raised an eyebrow at me in silent question as if to say ‘As if you believe that crap’. He was right; I didn’t believe that, I wasn’t a superstitious person, so instead of arguing with him I just grinned at him,
“I had to come see you, I missed you last night.” He responded as he stood from his spot on my bed. He grinned at me before placing a swift kiss on my lips.
“I missed you too.” I said as I wrapped my arms around his body in a hug.
“Good, I’ll see you soon. Don’t be late.” He warned softly before placing a kiss on the top of my head and walking out the door.
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Ready to walk down the aisle, I walked up to the big double doors of the church, stopping when I heard chattering inside. Assuming it to just be gossip between friends and family about the wedding, I let my father lead me through. I stopped when I looked up to the altar to see that Brian wasn’t there. I looked around the room, only to see he wasn’t there either. Panicking, I turned to my father who was just as confused as I was; he looked down at me and smiled supportively. I tuned into the chatter in the room and heard bits and pieces of what people were saying,
“Maybe he got cold feet.”
“Oh dear, look at the poor girl, thought she had it all.”
“I tried telling her he was no good.”
“Maybe something happened to him on the way over.”
“He wouldn’t do that to her, he would at least show and say he didn’t want to get married anymore.”
People slowly started to notice me standing there and began turning around to look at me with sympathy and pity. I paid no attention to any of them as I rushed out of the building. I heard people calling out my name as I passed them but didn’t stop to listen. I bolted over to the car where I had left my phone. Pulling it out I dialled Brian’s number and lifted it to my ear.
“Detective Sergeant Matthew Rundall speaking.” I blanked. What? Detective Sergeant? What the hell had happened?
“Uh, H-hi, um, is ah-is Brian there?” I stuttered.
“I’m sorry ma’am; may I ask who this is?” The voice on the other end replied in a very professional, business-like manner, giving nothing away.
“My name is Sandra Goldstein, I’m Brian’s fiancé. Well, I’m supposed to be his wife, but he’s not here and I don’t know where he is and we are supposed to be getting married right now and-“ I stopped my-self, realising I was babbling. “Can you please tell me where he is?” I asked, much calmer now.
“Ma’am, why don’t you come down to the hospital, I will explain everything there.” He told me, I knew it wasn’t a question.
“The hospital?” I asked as my heart plummeted into my stomach.
“Yes, I will explain everything there.” He reiterated.
I went down to the hospital where the Detective Sergeant told me that Brian had been in a car crash and was seriously injured. He told me that he was currently in emergency surgery and the doctors were doing everything they could to save him. When I finally managed to calm down from that news and stop crying, a doctor in his blood spattered scrubs walked into the room and looked at me. In his eyes I could see so much sympathy, regret and sadness and I knew before he even said anything that Brian, my Brian had died. He was gone and there was no way that I could get him back. “I’m so sorry. We did everything we could, but in the end it just wasn’t enough. He lost too much blood and had too much swelling in his brain from the head injury he sustained during the crash. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.” I stood there, staring at him, trying to comprehend his words, trying to understand what he was saying. Brian was dead? How? We were supposed to be getting married; we should be celebrating right now. That was when the full force of what happened hit me. He was gone, and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. I broke down into tears again as I crumpled to the ground.
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When I told my parents, they gave me so much support but I just pushed them away. I told them I could deal with it by myself. I never realised how hard it really is to lose someone so close to you. My parents never gave up on me; they were always there, no matter how hard I tried to push them away. My sister would come over to my apartment every day and bring me food and clean clothes but every day I told her that I didn’t need her charity. In truth, I really did, I needed my family more than I liked to admit, but my pride kept getting in the way. After about a year she stopped bringing me stuff and I wished that I had swallowed my pride and talked to her, thanked her, told her how much I loved her. But I never did. I managed to get by for three more years. I never got over losing Brian, I still haven’t got rid of any of his stuff, I think about him every day and I haven’t talked to my family in two and a half years. But that’s why I’m here today. Standing outside my parents’ small house. With its white picket fence, white walls and baby blue door. I’m here to make amends. I’ve swallowed my pride and I’ve finally admitted to myself that I need help. I need my family. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself, before stepping onto the path and walking up to my parents’ house. Pressing the small white doorbell, I exhaled the large breath I didn’t even realise I was holding. After an agonising twenty seconds, the door opened and my mother’s brown bob of hair popped out, looking up at me. My blue eyes met her bright green ones that widened in shock when she saw me, her small, thin mouth forming a small ‘o’. After a moment of silence I finally managed to find my voice, “Hi mum. I’m really sorry, I should have said this sooner, but I need help mum. I can’t seem to move on. I understand if you want to yell and scream at me and tell me to leave, I promise that I will go if you want me to.” My mum just continued staring at me in shock. Taking her silence to mean that she didn’t want me there, I turned to leave. “NO!” She yelled. I turned back around and my mum instantly wrapped her arms around me as if she thought I might just disappear. Again. After a moment I wrapped my arms around her too. Before I knew it we were both crying. I could hear faint footsteps coming towards the door before I heard my father’s voice, “Maria? Who’s at the-“ He stopped mid-sentence when he got to the door and saw me. “Sandra? Is it really you?” I nodded my head at my father’s questioning gaze. He said nothing more before wrapping both my mother and I up in a tight embrace. “I’m so glad you’re finally home, but I have to ask, why, after all these years, why only come home now?” My father whispered gently to me.
“Because I have finally realised that I need you guys. I’m here to move on; from Brian and from what happened four years ago. And for that, I need my family, I need you and mum.”
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