They say that crying helps. My hands are trembling, please excuse the sloppiness. They say that crying helps, but does it? Does it really? Does it depend on the person, because I’ve cried, many times, and each time after, I’ve felt much worse and emptier than before. Is it only when you cry when someone is comforting you that you feel better? Is that it? To me it’s odd. As a small insignificant human, I don’t fancy being viewed as a weakling or fragile. I’ve shed rivers in front of others and each time after I harboured more despise towards myself. Hell, I don’t like to cry by myself, as I’m so obsessed trying to convince myself that I’m strong, when the mirror clearly reflects that I am not ‘fine’ at all. I know it, you know it, and it’s obviously visible. I’ve been told to pour my heart, which is okay and great, so when I willingly do, all that’s left is emptiness. But that’s ‘fine’ because loneliness ends up filling the spaces anyway.
You ever felt guilty for crying? I feel guilty all the time. Shedding tears over whatever nuances when there’s people suffering in much worse conditions and here I am grovelling over absurd things. For shame. I often think about how ungrateful I am but then I wonder, are my problems not a concern also, are they not relevant? Should I ignore it and carry on my daily routine with a smile and ignore the rattling chains in my head threatening to break free. Oh wait, we already do that. Yes we, because I know you do it too. We don’t like to burden each other because we all know that everyone has their own adversities on their shoulders, so we’d rather not add to them. Here’s a pro-tip, don’t ask someone if they’re okay when you actually don’t care. Don’t do it of sheer politeness either. False concern is poisonous.
The feeling of crying one’s eyes out till they’re trembling on their knees, feeling like the soul is escaping the body, the spiritual and physical aspect of your very being separating, it’s painful. It’s incredibly painful. And whenever the crying stops, the trembling and hyperventilating still has strong grip and it’s painful. It’s incredibly painful.
They say that crying helps. Does it really? I don’t believe it does, because if it did, I wouldn’t be crumbling today.
ns 18.68.41.146da2
