Donna and I crouched behind a boulder. Just as we closed our eyes, a blinding white light flashed across the sky. Then the sound came. The shock wave of a staticky, high-pitched tone left even my ears ringing. When the sound died, we both opened our eyes and looked up to the sky. A beam of white light shot into the heavens. It lasted a few seconds and then it was over. As beautiful as the light was, it was a sign that Brenda was now gone. Then I was visited by creeping fear that I was closer to being alone. I felt a chill crawl through me. I crossed my arms over my chest and held myself tight as my body tensed up. The lonely sadness could never completely take me, but I felt it. I would have started to cry if I could. Donna looked over at me.
“So… do you like girls?” she asked.
I turned to look at her, momentarily confused and not sure I heard what I heard. She had a small smile on her face.
“Really?” I asked in reply.
Donna didn’t attempt humor very often but it was the right time to break my fall into self-pity.
“Sorry. Trying to break the tension,” she said.
It worked. I could feel my body relax. I shook my head.
“Did Brenda’s psyche bleed into yours when you were plugged in?” I asked.
“God, I hope not,” Donna replied.
I wanted to smile but this was the last time I’d be with my sister. I could feel it. I’m glad she did not let it be all about sadness.
“To answer your question. I don’t know?” I said, scratching my head.
I’d always assumed I was one way and I’d never even thought to ask myself until literally just at that moment. There was never a need to.
“We’ve spent so much time running and whatnot, I don’t think I ever really even thought about it. I didn’t consider anything romantic being an option in this life,” I said.
I was about to go into a full on spiral of a “do I like what I like because it’s what I’m supposed to like” mental storm but Donna interceded.
“I know. Don’t stress about it. I was just trying to lighten the mood, not cause an existential crisis,” said Donna, smiling.
That statement was fair. As stressed as I was, an existential crisis was the perfect excuse to not think of about the world ending crisis we were currently involved in. But this was Donna. She would know if she wanted to.
“So, you know what I mean or you know that I like girls?” I asked, slightly squinting my eyes.
I was trying to be funny but I was also really curios what the answer would be. Donna laughed.
“I know what you mean. I honestly don’t know who you like. I could have looked into it, but it was never any of my business.” she said.
Donna looked down and had a concerned look on her face. It was her turn to feel the sadness.
“I know… I know I haven't been the ideal guardian or parental figure. I would have given you the life you deserved if I could. One where something romantic was an option. One where a lot of things could have been options,” she said.
“Donna…” I started to say.
She looked back up at me and reached out to touch my arm.
“Wait. Let me finish,” she said.
Donna took a breath and clenched her jaw.
“I can find the exact right thing to say in any situation. Most of the time. But when it really means something, it is still hard,” she said, frustrated.
She looked away and then back at me. She pulled my arms down from my chest and held my hands.
“I can be bad at asking when I know the answers. But if I never ask about your life, how would you know your life is important to me?” she asked.
“I know my life is important to you,” I replied.
I wiped a tear from my eye. Tears started to flow from hers. I knew Donna was holding something back. She was fighting something. I could see it in her eyes. It was a fight to find a way around something she could not say.
“When you found me, when you broke down in my arms... I… I felt something. I knew I would love you. And I knew one day you would have to go alone into the darkness. I wanted so badly to help you with your fear,” said Donna.
I didn’t understand what she was saying.
“Our life is what it is and you gave me the best one I could have had. I wouldn’t have a life if not for you,” I told her.
It was true. As rose colored as a normal life would have been, this one was a good life. With all its flaws and darkness, I had bright days and good memories.
“There’s more, but…” she said.
She let go of my hands and clenched her fists. She kept looking up in the air and back at me, frantically trying to find words.
“You’re the only one who can stop Leah. And I can’t come with you,” said Donna.
I could see in her eyes that she was still struggling, fighting to pull something out of her brain that refused to break free. I didn’t know what was stopping her but I knew it wasn’t something she controlled. Now there wasn’t any more time.
“Do I have to kill her?” I asked.
“No,” she said.
“Do I live?” I asked.
“Yes,” said Donna.
“You are not telling me everything,” I said, trying to help bring it out.
“I can’t. I… I...” she stuttered. “I want to but these moments are locked in time. At least for now. I… Ahhhh!” she yelled.
Donna took a breath to calm herself.
“I can’t say what I really want but I can say this. You think the other you is your hate, but she is… She is an…”
Her mouth would open like it was about to form a word but it would freeze before she could enunciate the first letter. She began digging her nails into her thigh again. It seemed like it worked just a little. Finally, after a lot of effort...
“She isn’t hate. She was born of you because of your fear,” said Donna.
She looked relieved that she was able to say that much. She had to work around the mental block and settle on something she hoped would make sense.
“Thanks. I guess I’ll figure it out,” I replied.
I hoped I could.
“You will,” she said, and smiled sadly.
Then I asked something that I had never thought to ask.
“We’re we ever free?” I asked.
If Donna was not in control of this destiny, then none of us were. Her chains were ours. Were we always going to end up here? Was there any hope at all?
“We will be,” said Donna.
She could not answer directly, but she found a work around. Even the smallest hope can do great things. Donna grabbed me and held me tightly in a hug.
“I love you,” she said.
She also said “goodbye” without saying it. I don’t know if it meant goodbye forever, but it felt like it would at least be a very long time. I could feel her tremble. She was on the verge of crying hard but was trying to be brave for me. I hugged her back and felt more tears from my eyes. My power could not hold them back.
“I love you, too.” I said.
I couldn’t accept a “goodbye”. Even unsaid that word is too final. The American soldiers had a saying that felt more appropriate. I’d heard it when we occasionally drifted in and out of military circles. It meant we would see each other again in a different life.
“Till Valhalla,” I said.
“Till Valhalla,” Donna replied.
Our time together was now over. We let go of each other and I turned away. If I looked at her again, I wasn’t sure I would be able to leave so I jumped away. Donna gasped as she sat on the ground. Then she trembled and cried. She was no longer chained to time. There was nothing left for her to do and she bore the weight of all that she wished she could have done. She held herself and rocked back and forth, letting the sorrow wash over her.
As I sailed through the air, the fear of being alone again started to weigh on me. My sister was now on a separate path, Brenda and Jess were gone, and all I had left was Leah. I had to face the fact that I didn’t know the girl at all. But I promised to come back for her. I felt that maybe if someone cared enough about her to try and bring her back from the darkness, it would make a difference.
I landed in a crouch next to the wrecked building we had just escaped from. I swear I heard Brenda laugh and make a crack about a “superhero landing.” I looked around but I didn’t see her. I thought I imagined it. And it was enough to make me miss her even more. Then I looked at the ruins in front of me and it did not look welcoming. The way in was a partially collapsed doorway. I couldn’t see anything but flickering lights and darkness. I could hear noises coming from inside.
“Til Valhalla,” I said to myself.
I walked through and ten steps in I was attacked by four gray-skins. Three of them were women dressed in scrubs. The man had a doctor’s coat on. They were hitting me, biting, and trying to drag me down to the floor. I easily broke free and slammed them against walls to put them down. I told myself I was putting them out of their misery. Then I told myself that there was no misery to put out. Whoever they were, they were long gone. I still wasn’t completely comfortable with it. I continued down the darkened hall hoping for anything to make me feel better. Then miraculously, I found my hijab on the floor. I had to smile.
“Subhanallah,” I said.
I won’t lie. Even though I’d been trying to come back to my faith, I wasn’t feeling any closer to God. I was starting to question my belief more and more. But here in the dying light was a sign that I was not alone. It gave me hope.
I thought to myself, If I save this one person, maybe I can save the world.
It was just us girls and we were indoors but I put my hijab back on as best as I could. It was tattered and imperfect, but so was I. I moved along carefully. I heard movement in the walls and then something hit me on the back of my neck. I turned to see a bundle of network cables stretching out of the ceiling. They were wound together and moved like a tentacle. At the tip, the wires were unsheathed and bound tightly together into a fine point that was now bent.
“That’s how Leah’s infecting people,” I said aloud.
“Don’t you mean assimilating?” asked Brenda’s voice behind me.
I quickly turned around but she wasn’t there. I thought I was starting to go crazy. The bundled cable tried to jab me again with a reformed tip but I caught it with my right hand. I was about to pull it down when an electrical wire shot down from the ceiling and wrapped around my left wrist. Then the network cable wrapped itself around my right wrist and tried to pull my arm up. From a wall socket another electrical wire slithered out and wrapped around an ankle. I felt the current spiking rapidly. From behind I was rushed by three more gray men.
I tugged my arms back fast, breaking free of the wires then swatted away my attackers. I walked on, pulling away from the wire on my ankle. More gray people streamed around a corner. This was going to take too long. I crouched and punched a hole in the floor. Before the grays reached me I dropped down to the next level. I waited for them to follow me but I just heard them running. They were trying to find another route down. I punched through the floor again to get to the next level down and carefully made my way back to the control room. When I got there, Leah greeted me.
“Hello, Sarah,” said Leah’s voice over the room’s speakers.
She was standing by her bed, wrapped in a bodysuit made of thin multi colored wires. She was completely covered except for her head, hands, and feet. Leah’s skin resembled brushed silver that was almost iridescent. Her hair had grown back but now it had highlights of silver and copper in it. It was longer now too, stretching down to the middle of her back. She would have almost looked angelic except for her eyes. The whites were black and her irises were a deep blue that glowed. Leah’s small form no longer looked helpless. She had the look of a predator. And she stared right at me.
“I knew you were coming back,” Leah said over the speakers.
“I promised I wouldn’t leave you, Leah,” I replied.
“You really should have,” said Leah’s voice.
Her unmoving face combined with her voice coming from all around me was unsettling. She read my discomfort and began speaking with her mouth.
“Is this more comfortable for you?” she asked.
It was, honestly.
“We can go. There is no one left to keep you here,” I said.
“What makes you think anyone was keeping me here?” she asked.
The girl had Leah’s voice, but she did not sound like Leah. It was still the voice of a young girl, but there was a casual confident menace behind it. She walked towards me and her long hair wove itself into a braid that sheathed the cable attached to the back of her head. The cable slithered behind her like a snake.
“They kidnapped you,” I said.
“I let them,” she replied.
On the road leading away from the facility, Donna found a small overpass running over a dry creek. She climbed down under it to hide from what she knew was coming. But that was all she knew. Donna was accustomed to living in the prison that had been her life. It was familiar and comfortable in a way despite its lack of freedom. Now, she almost felt dizzy. The world ahead of her was unknown. For the first time, she didn’t know where she fit in. The weight of the day kept washing over her and Donna fought back the tears that refused to stay unshed. She sat, pulled her knees up to her chest, and began rocking herself back and forth.
“It had to be this way,” she repeated to herself.
Donna knew it was true but it didn’t make her feel any better. She would have to live with leading people she cared about to their ends, knowing, on some level what was going to happen the whole time.
“She’ll be alright you know,” said Brenda’s voice.
Donna stumbled back in surprise.
“Jesus Christ!” she yelled.
The New York teen was sitting to the right of Donna.
“Sorry. I guess I should have walked up instead of just appearing,” said Brenda.
“You think?” asked an exasperated Donna.
Donna hated being surprised. And it was a long time since someone had startled her. Her sadness quickly gave way to annoyance at the one of the people who she had just been mourning. Donna clenched her jaw and her fists, then took a breath and wiped away the tears.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“We’re cool,” said Brenda.
“We?” asked Donna.
“Yeah… this is still new. Hold on,” said Brenda.
She stood and her image transformed into that of Jess, who was dressed like they had been but looked more masculine than they ever had.
“Hey, Dons,” they said.
Even their voice sounded deeper.
“Okay, what?” asked Donna.
Her annoyance gave way to confusion.
“We’re parts of the same soul. Alters, I think we’re called. Anyway, when Elizabeth’s mind shattered, one of us took advantage and scattered the rest of us. Even the primary,” said Jess.
Beneath the ruins of the facility, Leah slowly began to circle me. She scanned me with her eyes and I could feel waves of energy bouncing off my skin.
“They operated on your brain,” I pleaded.
“Oh, Sarah. You really have no clue. I’m their system now. I have access to all their information. And I repaired the damage to my body as soon as I knew what they did to me,” said Leah.
The cable followed her, surrounding me by stacking up like moving coils. This was no longer the girl I met. I needed to help her find a way back.
“Elizabeth has been manipulating you for a long time. You are just seeing what she wants,” I said.
Leah laughed and smiled. She felt a smug pity for me and thought it was cute that I didn’t understand.
“And I let Lizzie see what she wanted,” said Leah.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“She is a part of me, Sarah. Therefore I could alter her as much as she thought she was altering me,” she replied.
I was silent for a few seconds trying to process what she said.
“You know you are a part of her?” I asked.
“She is a part of me,” Leah emphasized. “I was only six in this life when Lizzie came back to me. Neither of us knew who I was until she touched my mind. She woke me up and we instantly recognized each other.” said Leah.
I looked as lost as I felt.
“What happened when she recognized you?” I asked.
Leah stopped circling and faced me. The cable connected to her head lifted her off the ground, putting her at eye level with me.
“Lizzie froze just long enough for me to remember everything. I also saw what she was planning. Then she tried to erase my memory but I erased her memory of me first. I also altered her so she wouldn’t recognize the rest of us,” said Leah.
She smiled at her own brilliance. My mind was struggling with the new information.
“What do you mean, rest of us?” I asked.
She tilted her head and looked at me like I was stupid. Then it dawned on me like a bolt of lightning.
“Elizabeth had Dissociative Identity Disorder. You’re one of her alters,” I said.
Fury flickered in her eyes. Calling her an alter triggered a bolt of anger and for a moment her voice changed to that of an enraged adult.
“I am no alter! I am the primary!” she yelled.
Then the anger vanished as quickly as it erupted and Leah smiled. The mood swing was unnervingly swift.
“All this time you thought you were saving a scared, helpless little girl, didn’t you?” she calmly asked me.
The voice of a girl had returned.
“Yes.” I admitted.
“I shouldn’t hold it against you. You met a different Leah that I split off to mask me. She was scared and fragile, poor thing. She could barely cope with the real world and completely shriveled when she entered the digital one. I did her a kindness and offered to take over. She willingly reintegrated. Now there is only me again,” said Leah.
In a sense, the girl I met was gone. But in another way, she was still alive. A part of the Leah in front of me still had the innocent little girl in her. I needed to understand more.
“Why did you need to make her? Why all of this deception?” I asked.
“I couldn't chance Lizzie remembering who I was and spoil things,” she said like it was supposed to be obvious.
“So, you didn’t need her or us. You could have come here on your own,” I said.
“Things must unfold as they are meant, Sarah,” said Leah.
Donna had been saying the same thing. Leah said it with the same conviction. She believed it. I began to wonder if she was as chained to this destiny as we were.
“If Elizabeth is an alter, why did she keep your name?” I asked.
She laughed again, amused by my ignorance.
“You think Elizabeth is the name of the person running about through time? Her name is Lizzie. She also goes by Liz. Of course she never bothers to correct anyone if they call her Elizabeth. She’s always wanted to be me,” she said.
“What? Then why are you Leah?” I asked, confused.
“Because that is what my parents named me. I was Elizabeth. But now I’m Leah. We change when we come back to this life. I am Elizabeth, the original, but I am also Leah now as well. I can never return to the woman I was, which suits me fine. I’m stronger than that version of me who shattered when she saw the infiniteness of time and space,” said Leah.
Miles away, Donna took a moment to process the bigger picture she had not been aware of. She looked at Jess and noticed a new confidence in the teleporter, which said a lot because the one thing that Jess was not in short supply of, was confidence.
“This new state of being seems to suit you,” said Donna.
Jess raised their hands and arms into the air and did a spin.
“Right? I can even switch out the plumbing if you know what I mean?” said Jess excitedly.
They dropped their arms and cupped their crotch. Donna rolled her eyes.
“I get your meaning. And I’m happy for you,” said Donna.
Then Jess crossed their arms.
“Did you know Leah was our primary?” they asked.
The expression on her face said, “You wanna know something nuts?”
Donna’s head jerked back in surprise.
“No. God I feel so clueless now,” said Donna.
She nodded her head, connecting the dots in her mind.
“Of course she is,” she said.
Then Donna sighed.
“I’m sorry I brought you into this. I honestly didn’t know what was going to happen but I didn’t see you come back out of there. I wanted to say something so badly but I couldn’t,” she said.
“It’s okay. We know you weren’t intentionally keeping us in the dark. Lizzie was blocking your vision and she put those mental blocks in you. She was playing all of us,” said Jess.
Donna shook her head. She’d suspected, but never knew for sure.
“But it doesn’t excuse things. I’m never going to feel right about keeping all of you in the dark,” said Donna.
“Donny. You are going to have to get over it. It wasn’t your fault,” said Jess.
“How did you get here, anyway? I mean, getting bodies in the first place. How does an alter do that?” asked Donna.
Jess smiled. They knew Donna was intentionally changing the subject to deflect from her feelings of guilt. Jess decided not to press the issue.
“We’re not entirely sure. Somehow we found our way back to this plane of existence and ended up born into new bodies. We don’t remember why or how. Crazy, right?” said Jess.
“That is a word for it. Is it just you two?” asked Donna.
“Yeah. For now. We don’t know where the other alters went. Or when. Or even how many of us there are for that matter,” said Jess.
Back underground, I was finding myself being confused by details but I needed to know more.
“So what is Lizzie’s plan?” I asked.
“She wants to find her prince,” said Leah.
By her tone, I felt like she left Duh off the end of that sentence. Then I put it together.
“Alex,” I said aloud.
The man she was waiting for outside of time for.
“Lizzie is such a jealous romantic. She’s always wanted him for herself. She tried to take over a few times so she could have him. Unfortunately, that made it easier for the others to surface too. It was very annoying. But to answer your question, she thinks she has me making bodies for her and Alex so they can return to Earth and be in love,” said Leah, half singing the word love with a disgusted face.
“It’s crazy. But then again, she is a bit crazy herself. It’s partially my fault. I removed parts of her to assemble the Leah mask I made. I mean, honestly, I could make Lizzie a new body. But only for her,” she said.
Then she paused for a moment and looked down. An abrupt hint of sadness washed over her face and she looked back up at me.
“Alex… He ran his time out. Lizzie can’t change that no matter how much she tries. No matter how much I wish she could. I still love him madly and I miss him so much. But death is still death. No one can change that,” she said, mournfully.
Out in the desert, Donna had her own questions.
“Do you know who any of the others are?” asked Donna.
“A few,” said Jess.
“Sarah and I?” asked Donna.
She looked worried.
“Nope,” Jess responded.
Donna nodded and felt relieved.
“Well don’t feel too relieved over not being related to me,” said Jess.
“Can you help with Leah?” asked Donna.
“No, sorry. Lizzie created a bootstrap paradox. It has to play out this way or the rest of our fractured reality will break,” replied Jess.
“Naturally,” said Donna.
“Yeah. It sucks,” replied Jess.
An image of Brenda faded into existence next to Jess. Donna could now see that the face tattoos were missing.
“Okay. That feels better,” said Brenda.
“Yeah. Communicating with the corporeal makes things feel weird and awkward when combined as a single entity. Actually, in general being one person feels weirder than we thought,” said Jess.
“Which is weird considering we used to be the same person,” said Brenda.
“Well, both of you are individuals now. You’re not a puzzle that can be put back together. I’m surprised you two could combine at all,” said Donna.
“Huh,” said Jess.
“I guess that makes sense,” said Brenda.
“You never considered that?” asked Donna.
The two spirits shrugged. Donna felt an itch growing where the remnant of the cable was still connected to her head. She didn’t want to mess with it until she could find a good way to remove it, so scratched around the connection.
“Oh, we can help with that,” said Jess.
Brenda reached behind Donna's head and peeled away the wires. Donna reached behind her head and felt smooth skin where there should have been a hole.
“How did you?” Donna asked.
“Nice trick right?” said Brenda.
She rubbed the bald spot and wondered in amazement. There wasn’t any pain or any indication that there was even a hole under the skin.
“Don’t worry. Your hair will fill back in,” said Jess.
“Any chance you could do something about this?” asked Donna, waving her hand over her cheek.
“Oh, shit. Right,” said Brenda.
She leaned down and wiped a hand over Donna’s right cheek, erasing the ink. Donna could fell the soreness of the tattoo fade.
“I guess I should have started with that,” said Brenda.
“It’s fine. Thanks. What do we do about Lizzie?” asked Donna.
“Nothing now. She went to the future,” said Brenda.
Beneath the ground I was struggling for hope. The mournful sadness Leah had shown was quickly replaced by sinister calm. The doors to the control room opened and gray people started filing in, arranging themselves in rows. Fire breather and lizard boy came out of hiding and took spots next to her hospital bed. They were all silent and still.
“What are you doing with them?” I asked.
“Lizzie taught me how to manipulate matter so I could make her a body. But test subjects were still needed,” said Leah.
“That’s not an excuse to use them,” I said.
“Yeah, well they were already being experimented on and they were all going to die here one way or another,” said Leah.
I was struck silent by how casually she spoke of playing with lives. Then she floated closer to me, reached out, and touched her hand to my face. I could feel her trying to penetrate my skin on a microscopic level.
“You are remarkable. You are the only person that is immune to me. Besides the late Charlene that is. The speed of her biology was troublesome. Though she would have folded eventually,” said Leah.
“How do you know Daytona is dead?” I asked.
“I saw what happened. My eyes and ears are anything connected to a network. I have phones, security cameras and even satellites. More will follow,” said Leah.
Leah was becoming more dangerous by the second and I still didn’t know how to stop her. Every new thing I learned ground down my hope of bringing her back.
“It’s sad that you thought you could change things. Even Donna knew you would fail,” said Leah.
My heart sank. She knew what Donna knew. Of course she did. They were connected. Leah knew everything that was going to happen and I didn’t even know what I was going to say next. But the real twist of the knife? My own sister knew my mission to save this girl was doomed to failure. Remember that renewed hope and faith I had? It was fracturing and falling apart pretty fast.155Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9UQ5dhWgb
