以下是我看到某參賽作品以後,所寫的留言轉正文,供大家參考。
65Please respect copyright.PENANAXUkAKx87yk
65Please respect copyright.PENANAliVXOr02bZ
感謝參與~65Please respect copyright.PENANAabsM1hCsOF
65Please respect copyright.PENANAjn0jHKfLvj
老實說,這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩,是散文十行。65Please respect copyright.PENANAuUpalSxHWv
65Please respect copyright.PENANA7czWvAY59z
雖然文章有哲理,但是詩度很低。詩的要素,如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡,甚至欠奉;內容太趨近說明,解釋過多,太黏了。65Please respect copyright.PENANAC7uhfsuXxo
65Please respect copyright.PENANACqxF51lWqh
~~~~分隔線~~~~65Please respect copyright.PENANAbgo8FxgQRP
65Please respect copyright.PENANArLBJThTSUg
我回頭看我自己寫的詩,有些也算不上是詩,例如65Please respect copyright.PENANAmrFY4iM3CC
65Please respect copyright.PENANAoXYrnJAegC
〈限制和自由〉65Please respect copyright.PENANAtiOBudRhWq
65Please respect copyright.PENANA4tfOnOJNLA
penana.com/article/102489565Please respect copyright.PENANA8P4xfrCLYc
65Please respect copyright.PENANACqNlhmDgfm
現在看來,我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故,還是收進詩集)。65Please respect copyright.PENANAw3sqBmzU7b
65Please respect copyright.PENANASWMbnwZqLk
詩度 0。65Please respect copyright.PENANAWeZnH4sJiL
65Please respect copyright.PENANAoklbBEtg3d
~~~~分隔線~~~~65Please respect copyright.PENANASkbXTHCQbO
65Please respect copyright.PENANAtL1oBzjM0a
〈問〉65Please respect copyright.PENANAIjckk9Ilhi
65Please respect copyright.PENANA3MxlvJ1SAd
penana.com/article/102494465Please respect copyright.PENANAWI3sdWstSg
65Please respect copyright.PENANAs7Wi0tvfVr
詩度高一點。65Please respect copyright.PENANANFxq6N5kwu
65Please respect copyright.PENANAp6EJiXQe8D
~~~~分隔線~~~~65Please respect copyright.PENANANUpmLUd5ob
65Please respect copyright.PENANAUJ4t4rA07Q
〈摩天之輪〉65Please respect copyright.PENANA6LRk66H4um
65Please respect copyright.PENANAWuL6UL1IgR
penana.com/article/104570565Please respect copyright.PENANATd4ucP3FCj
65Please respect copyright.PENANAtWNuA6RJM2
詩度再高一點。
65Please respect copyright.PENANAqKDWE10urQ
~~~~分隔線~~~~
65Please respect copyright.PENANAKFjAQsG0h2
〈暗流〉65Please respect copyright.PENANAOsr2V7F7Q1
65Please respect copyright.PENANAgu1GxWR575
penana.com/article/160383865Please respect copyright.PENANANVlgdXC5Af
65Please respect copyright.PENANApTZzRcJ3sO
詩度比前三首都高。
65Please respect copyright.PENANAIkDl82Xlq2
~~~~分隔線~~~~
65Please respect copyright.PENANAFlec9qWYpp
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論,詩人有句話簡單卻有道理:「詩,是『換句話說』,『再換句話說』」。65Please respect copyright.PENANAnxFqyDMhpN
65Please respect copyright.PENANAjk7h5TrwBl
我在筆記本上面,寫下自己的句子:「詩,是常句和變句的雙人舞。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAOldeMs4mWP
65Please respect copyright.PENANASFLky3TSfd
跟你分享。
65Please respect copyright.PENANAu44eibpBC2
~~~~分隔線~~~~
65Please respect copyright.PENANARjwf9OoboQ
此外,這篇連結文章也可作參考。65Please respect copyright.PENANAzgKIFy6Otz
65Please respect copyright.PENANA2ggQYsR5x4
【認識新詩的基本元素】65Please respect copyright.PENANA99tinAWFyq
65Please respect copyright.PENANAyAHR2hyQyp
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719365Please respect copyright.PENANArcBk4niVtY
65Please respect copyright.PENANAHDzC5pru8d
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考&自己詩作/非詩作的例子,寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。65Please respect copyright.PENANACLMUVUcieD
65Please respect copyright.PENANA0UT9E3dIPb
65Please respect copyright.PENANAiOlUlr7USo
65Please respect copyright.PENANAFSquKmh1g8
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
65Please respect copyright.PENANAjH4qpauckD
這不是我的標準啦,算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。65Please respect copyright.PENANAsUPKzH2ima
65Please respect copyright.PENANAbRGEkEtS8m
第二版「詩度」有提升,因為用了複沓/排比結構,綿延的音樂性增加了。65Please respect copyright.PENANAAnhjuQRat2
65Please respect copyright.PENANAsQSbqOozYt
寫詩要多看詩,也不用急,我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果,發現好多不熟的,甚至是皮球假裝成果子的,哈哈~
65Please respect copyright.PENANAbRxiTu53pq
65Please respect copyright.PENANAg2xts6N4gK
【這次全新寫的感想】
65Please respect copyright.PENANA2yODQGQmn7
我拿自己青澀的詩果,甚至非詩的皮球作例子,無非是希望讀者能做個比較,認識一下不同詩度的詩,長什麼樣子;這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子:
65Please respect copyright.PENANABGWUz691n9
〈詠栗〉
65Please respect copyright.PENANAEwzfbgcwcT
殼斗,第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸,為了
豐美的內在
65Please respect copyright.PENANAFf9rzSSJ0p
剝去愛,尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
65Please respect copyright.PENANAKvLehjPajk
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
65Please respect copyright.PENANAcDGZUNCCry
65Please respect copyright.PENANAz03H9lfXgI
如果寫成
65Please respect copyright.PENANAoo28hvAHOq
〈詠栗〉
65Please respect copyright.PENANAS0EjlgTLmH
殼斗,第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸,為了
內在的果實
65Please respect copyright.PENANAxrfTfvS1nI
剝去殼,尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
65Please respect copyright.PENANAoICi244jj2
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
65Please respect copyright.PENANAzUpS8avRHz
詩度就不見啦,成為一篇分行的散文,而且是說明文。
65Please respect copyright.PENANAUETwu08lvE
會寫詩的讀者,可將自己詩裡的詩句 (=變句),換成一般常用的句子 (=常句) 玩玩看;而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者,反其道而行,將自己作品的句子,改動幾個詞彙,以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替,或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
65Please respect copyright.PENANATuutSd56QR
當然,現代詩的面向不僅在於詞彙,但這是一個開始。
65Please respect copyright.PENANAGraue728lQ
祝各位被詩淋透,不,淋得半濕就好。
ns 15.158.61.21da2