你好，我是莊坌但。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgIHukf4Ba
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiWfqWbN8A
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0LKvfJEnz
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiQAoctulG
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArPEHtlEef
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83AN6BNrS1
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcUUgLGYmX
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRmaW4vZIa
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmtTowQqr9
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyLEteVZqN
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrRFLgKYbe
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ9ZngfOwK
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaY0lC4Kk1j
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSOqDeUNhM
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcaoUzPGsw
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGI7tmcnsV
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5TrUhNIBJ
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIluTlRKeTV
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8rROKj9Bz
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJJTwteiCq
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3TjDS9eQ0
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvZQNgrcTA
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbE4VMGMe8
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiMO5kLw4g
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxcgJrAaYH
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdjAED8VbO
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHj5VWDaKSF
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExvPUQaE3r
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOdIHiLrPA
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ9XoYXSRF
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIzjeyADaJ
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgEGBo0yxR
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIosVT6JIN
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfkqgfLE7p
「你好，我是……」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EUvN2QlLu
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuHu9qxrSU
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI8YnHf4uV
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2fLSO9sId
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6K1GOgezG
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGoRBSniZF
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEGTlrvJn7
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgJQEqsMi1
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZIaCpKJwG
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMgwXioXd7
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPpHMyt5sE
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXCAHW38Bm
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg5Ox1MfpF
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZiUwELAkf
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQTqY9Y3ej
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWFQLsCTfv
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwmXZUThQ0
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeb7MimqEIK
不好啊非常的不好啊！382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDQrUdzF8J
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PbjtWcT1W
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCNM4kTMxU
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzS80qZjhV
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYCionN1zz
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7eSP6yTnh
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQq7OYDI8Zn
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v2dBzhXgL
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKTWCKpe9r
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYUdWMm1eE
出了社會，總是得找份工作。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdXW5Hs3GA
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZycNEdHpp
我自己買了台50CC通勤。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1VmFN8Wgl
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrbGffivIm
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGbSAIeqen
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1wKJSpkGa
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgai3hDQ41K
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4Rjm0lPBz
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuDze4VhVs
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOKxImTx07
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SwjjEcHLV
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtAWlY9jOf
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWHNybfl0d
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9mnua9kQJ
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlOa9X0hAL
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjP92SBvOC
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5zkxFsxnH
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KB5wDk2Uo
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3gfL68kXT
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdGmY2ROYe
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2v7eMOYPl1
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpyCySK8Tq
它熄火，我傻眼。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuy0A1Eq055
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHB9IOxmuYr
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsdixutSUa
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZqAHwGQOs
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRovumGObsx
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahnqgUuvjC
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnUARVnisJ
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJ2r5YfL8P
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OCQjhhti4
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuiKLONNZ3
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡny6GDOiKFU
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUudvjvZZRC
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhanE2QjkP0
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXuyJnOVRB
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qqNIEFJWN
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUdBwpG38P
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWg5L3aWF2B
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