你好，我是莊坌但。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJJ8L4NB9p
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxv0Rwmqlb
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefBdTJVj1D
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEzd9u5gqZ
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnxXpIAlk4
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkepCQ75MV
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWGwjfTpLX
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYTPlvFDSu
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0SMUCNXFM
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXF54xJWSq
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hdGX66GjZ
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lAYDJPlVR
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrg6uMmLqvX
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZzSpNroNc
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLGR1kUKKi
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtGRvNhQyG
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiUxQJhW7I
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1yi3uyeVD
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3LISRJOPP
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRq1QByywP
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUSjh3yOmV
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqOBbi3UQT
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiJbVpqnBS
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKMfrTEHGN
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDrZq4RPv5
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3R0D4lLn0
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAg50Dbgrm
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwrNNCQi8T
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNuJEJ4Vwh
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iRD8DONm3
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELFY61huaY
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihtFFl3t8U
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6QkKRlfyV
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0whOkYONZh
「你好，我是……」402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwWA7qhFaM
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvi5UsR3jwZ
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgEYloNdGT
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr6zlo7rFv
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfz4yuk11xK
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6nORIqM4c
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79V38b3Hp6
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5g0Vjxn63E
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkh5L7oEHZj
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoNVuAFoIB
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXslyFO7Tn
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vMxxGNItJ
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZf2LmmcXYm
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrNMWCdeEF
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ImlGEWMF8
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGziMIVM5f
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjp2bYle7j
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZFKsHJHoH
不好啊非常的不好啊！402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEOdYCKU5k
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1F0d4LBBkj
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1NxK5evsW
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0f7vOzLHx2
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIrbmmXJwn
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6y5aPpYkJQ
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJQWELylkZ
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgdDkPdmbw
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6S5vZsvOd
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyEHQXeOtx
出了社會，總是得找份工作。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcwaccrzc4
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJDN3yRJYM
我自己買了台50CC通勤。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qPuzLyVOQ
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHFjFbqoGZ
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5UK4vPBx5
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6ogfs9ynF
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡer4YuzWGpQ
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsuHWNQfne
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFS9Q59gck
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI3EdLdlBz
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9obqLIkkJM
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBzlyGLQdE
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8KU6azGk1
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0x9Mel5wS
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBB5CtaUbM
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv68cTMEykI
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2hXTFJHwd
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtKQzZjEiu
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGWISlP1fq
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0N1N5udtH
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInzra7eHQw
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA26Bzpl9Xc
它熄火，我傻眼。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tDhBpHJNG
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3HnbkxdcS
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmuSu6iQ55
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvov1Fph66s
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6cr1N7FUJ
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvjbfRYZet
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BqwhfAzod
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbMOnKCMJa
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqg3urrdQi
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG7UNXDYiQ
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRZwCdumwK
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmp7bPMoxQ9
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpH3I9GBLH
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt0xEC7UvD
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDx73PBNj9W
402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1LZoL4nHE
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！402Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf1RM7xAc8
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