I was covered under the sheets, pretending to be still asleep. This guy near me snores a bit louder and has filthy nails, it gives makes me feel stupid. Why did I even sleep with someone like him?
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I looked back and he is still snoring, his mouth open, it's an awful view. I sit up and heaved a small sigh. Games. I love games. Particularly, like this kinda games. If you think I'm bad, that's because you don't know me very well. I wasn't like this before my step father came into my life.
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I was an innocent girl doing my job. I had a lot of respect, love and trust but now. I scoff at myself. Respect? Does anyone do that? They call me a prostitute. I would have rather died than listening to this shit from everyone but there are some idiots like this guy who's on my bed. They want only sex.
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Well, I'll tell you how the innocent girl turned into a playgirl. Like everyone else, I lost both of my lifelines at a very young age and there was only my stepdad left. Instead of pulling me out of depression, he used me as his toy and thought me things that I should never learn when I was a kid. I started sleeping with people when I was seventeen and then it became a routine. They started calling me a prostitute and I smacked everyone who said that but that didn't change anything, it only got worse. They gave me a fixed forever name because I didn't like being called as a prostitute. They named me the dangerous playgirl.
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Sounds a bit awkward although I could never change that name. I tried but all I got was failing in that and it hurts me but having sex eases the pain, I believe that. My stepdad taught me that.
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I look out of the window, witnessing the gentle rain, dripping down the glass window. "Love, huh? Will it ever bloom for me?"
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I looked on. Some say that love heals everything. It would be nice if it healed me too. I wish I would ever find someone who understands me and make love to me rather than sex. Is there anyone I can trust and cry out my pain? Will someone find me or should I find them?
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Huh. I sighed heavily. Those are the things I can't achieve. It's like a good dream that doesn't stay long or never come.
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