Harry was sitting out by the black lake. Snow still stuck to everything around him, but the warming charm on his coat was keeping him warm. No one else was down at the lake as classes were currently in session, and Harry was glad to find a quiet moment outside where he wouldn’t be disturbed.
It was peaceful sitting by the lake. The cold breeze coming off the water was almost soothing, but the hush of silences let his mind relax and settle. Harry had walked out there after replying to Fleur’s letter. He hadn’t read the letter when he had returned to Hogwarts, which had been the previous day. He had sat on the couch in his room, staring at the sealed envelope for more than an hour.
In the time that he had spent with Fleur, she had reached a part of him that he had thought no one would ever touch; and because of that, Harry believed that she had helped him open up to his dad.
Sirius had stayed with him all night; they fell asleep after eating and playing many rounds of cards. And when he woke the next morning, Sirius and he cleaned themselves up and spent the day going over photos. Harry had been surprised by so many things that he didn’t remember, but what he did notice was that his dad tried to avoid talking about his mother too much. Harry wasn’t ready to talk to his mum or about her. And he was grateful for his dad’s understanding.
But the idea of reading Fleur’s letter meant that he would have to face the consequences of his actions. He had kissed Jenna. There was no emotional reason as to why he had done such a thing; Harry had considered that his resentment towards his family had driven him to want to hurt others. It was twisted, but if he was hurting, then why couldn’t others hurt with him. He had wanted to throw away the thought and believe anything else, but logically, it made sense.
Harry wasn’t certain what his relationship with Fleur was. He has opened himself up to her in more than just friendship. The way she had clung to him as he kissed her told him that she felt the connection between them, just as he did. Kissing Jenna hadn’t come close to kissing Fleur, but without knowing exactly what their relationship between he and Fleur was, he didn’t know if he had done anything wrong regarding her. Harry knew he had wronged Jenna, probably hurt her, and he would make sure that he fixed that, but he wasn’t sure about Fleur.
When he had finally opened the letter, he felt the same sensation in his chest that he had felt when he was sitting beside her, running his fingers through her silver-blonde locks.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOleT3eFfWV
Harry,
Is it crazy to say that I miss you? I barely know you, spent only twenty-four hours with you, but when you left, I felt empty.
I know that it was important for you to return home with your family, for we both know that you have many things that you will have to face. I know that it will be scary and that you might feel alone, but I want you to remember that I am here for you. No matter what it is that you need, I am here.
I wish I could be by right next to you to hold your hand, but I know how strong you are. You will get through this, and you will be better for it.
I hope to see you soon.
All my love,
Fleur.
It felt like Fleur was sitting beside him, holding his hand and whispering the words into his ear. He could smell her perfume, taste her lips. It hurt to not be able to reach out and touch her, but he knew she was right; they would see each other soon.
Harry had moved to the desk to write back to her, and he told her the truth. He wondered if his lack of response had worried her, but he was glad that he was clear-headed before writing back. It scared him to think what he would have said if he had opened it the day it arrived.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8VIzNyEtv
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1NjN6hl4n
Fleur.
The last three weeks have been the worst struggle of my life. I did everything that I shouldn’t have done. I shoved everything away, tried to cram every emotion, every memory back into a cage so that I wouldn’t have to accept how broken I truly am.
It didn’t last long.
My walls came crashing down, just as they did on Christmas day. I avoided apparating to any distant lands, but I did hurt those around me. My closest friend, Carlisle, was victim to cruel words that felt like ash in my mouth.
And my friend, Jenna. I could probably call her my sister; she has always annoyed me like one. But I think I hurt her in the worst way. I don’t really know how she feels as I shut her out just like everyone else, but when she was trying to help me, I kissed her. I can think of no logical reason as to my actions besides that of insanity, the desire to hurt others around me so that I was not the only one suffering.
I regret every action that I have taken and wish nothing more than to take back the last three weeks. I want so desperately to return to the day I spent with you and stay by your side, for you helped me in more ways than I can describe.
Your touch, your kiss. I crave it even now as I sit here writing and want nothing more than to run away from all of this and stay with you.
I know now that I can’t do that; I have to deal with issues. Facing them will be the first step, and it is one that I have taken, and hopefully, there will be more steps to come.
The next time I see you, I hope that you will be able to see a different person, not one that is broken, but one that wants nothing more than to be by your side.
Until I see you.
My love, Harrison Black.
It was probably the longest letter that he had ever written. And he meant every single word. After speaking with his dad about Fleur, he knew that their connection was one that he never wanted to lose. He did hope that one day it would become something more; he would just have to wait until then.
Harry had sent Hedwig off with his letter before making his way to the lake. And there he sat, watching as the water rippled as the Giant Squid would occasionally stick out a leg. He considered what he needed to do, and he knew that one of those things was facing his mother. It was probably going to get worse before it got better, but he knew there was no avoiding it. Harry also wanted to apologise to both Carlisle and Jenna and also Harvey.
Harvey was truly innocent in all of it. His brother had simply been given the luck of the draw, born into a family that had issues. All Harvey wanted was for them to be happy; Harry knew that—he always had—but accepting that had been too hard. How could Harry be happy when no one had wanted him? He knew now that his father had no regrets and that Sirius loved him. His mother was a whole different story.
The feelings Harry had for his mother were a mix of hatred, love, yearning, desperation, and need. He had believed that his mother loved him; that thought had always been there. But it was the anxiety that she had never wanted him and wished that he hadn’t come into the world the way he had, was what had broken him. Lily Potter wanted the perfect happy family. But she didn’t get that; she had two children with different fathers, and instead of trying to balance it, Harry felt like he was pawned off and put in second to James.
Harry didn’t know what was going to happen when he spoke to his mother, and it scared him to think of what she could possibly say. When she had sobbed before him that afternoon in the Delacour’s home, it had hit a nerve. She had said that she didn’t regret having him, that she knew that she had made mistakes. But Harry didn’t believe her.
Sirius had told him the same thing. He had messed up, that he was sorry, that he loved him and never regretted his choices. Harry had been able to feel something that made him believe his dad, but when his mother had cried, begged him to forgive her, he couldn’t do it. And he didn’t know if he ever could.
What Harry did know is that he could fix his own mistakes, and that meant finding his friends. He just had to pluck up the courage.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnp447JcJU
*
*
*
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dVfezPbCU
Carlisle was the first person that Harry managed to run into. He found Carlisle walking out of the Potions Classroom as Harry was headed back to his room. Carlisle had looked up at him, and Harry felt his stomach drop as he saw the hurt he had caused. For a moment, Harry believed that Carlisle would push past him and not let him apologise but his friend—at least he had hoped they still were—stopped.
“Can we talk?” Harry asked.
Carlisle gripped his bag strap. “Are you still an asshole?”
Harry shrugged. “Possibly. I need you to tell me if I am. After all, I’ve never been good at knowing the difference.”
Carlisle’s face cracked into a smile. “That is very true.”
Harry just bit the bullet. Did what he had to do, what he wanted to do. “I’m sorry. I never meant a word I said.”
Carlisle surprised him by hugging him. In their whole friendship, Harry could count the number of times they had hugged on one hand. Neither of them were affectionate in that kind of way, but the tight grip let all of Harry’s concern about Carlisle hating him fade away.
“I know,” said Carlisle. “I know you were just trying to push me away.”
Harry hugged him back, just as tight. “And you were just trying to help me.”
“You would have done the same thing for me.”
When Carlisle released him, Harry couldn’t help but want to hug him again. He had fixed one friendship and needed to fix another, but for the first time in three weeks, he went with Carlisle to the Great Hall.
They got a few looks at the two of them walked over to the Slytherin table. They sat down and only a few minutes later were joined by Amelia; who hugged him and threatened him—telling him that if he hurt Carlisle again, she would remove his manhood—before sitting on Carlisle’s other side; and Will, who told him he looked like shit before filling his plate with food.
It had felt good to be with his friends, he hadn’t spoken to them in so long, and Harry realised how much he really had missed them.
Jenna had been harder to wrangle. It seemed that his actions had hurt her far more than he had realised. Harry had bumped into Dylan, who, after punching him in the arm and calling him a dick, had told him that Jenna was avoiding him.
He did catch her, though. Jenna was walking back towards the Ravenclaw Common Room, and like a stalker, Harry had waited by the portrait. When she spotted him, he saw tears in her eyes, and she did try and shove past him.
Harry hadn’t let her. He grabbed her and hug her against her chest, telling her he was sorry, over and over again. Jenna had cried, smacked her hands against his chest and told him he was an asshole before hugging him.
They seemed to stand there forever, but Harry was just glad that she had stopped hitting him. Together they sat on the floor outside of the Common Room, their time was running short before Jenna would have to go in, but neither of them moved.
“You know how I would always joke that you were in love with me and that you wanted to kiss me?” asked Jenna.
Harry nodded. “Yeah.”
She scrunched up her nose. “Please don’t. Kissing you was like kissing my brother, and it was just bloody awful.”
Harry laughed. “Gee, thanks.”
Jenna smiled. “I’m sure that other girls will enjoy your kissing skills, just not me.”
“Good to know.” Harry smiled. He did know one girl who seemed to enjoy his kissing; he only hoped she never changed her mind.
“Where did you go just then?” Jenna asked.
His smile widened. “I met a girl.”
Jenna’s face light up. “Oh, my Merlin! Who is she?”
“Her name is Fleur Delacour.”
“Ohhh, she’s French.”
Harry nodded. “I met her Christmas day.”
“Go on.”
Harry paused. He hadn’t told anyone exactly what had happened, but he was tired of holding it in. He knew Jenna would probably tell him off from hiding the truth.
She nudged him.
Harry sighed. “I had an argument with my godfather on Christmas day. Some feelings got brought up, and I accidentally apparated to Paris.”
Jenna looked stunned. “You accidentally apparated to Paris.”
He nodded. “I landed in Paris, proceeded to empty my stomach contents all over the ground and pass out. Fleur and her sister happened to be right there as it happened and took me back to her parents’ home.”
Jenna smiled, and a glint of something seemed to shine in her eye.
“She helped me, got me back on my feet, and something just clicked inside me.”
Jenna giggled. “Sounds like you’re in love.”
Harry groaned. “Probably, I don’t know. But from the moment I met her, everything felt right. Just feeling her hand in mine was…”
“Like fireworks?”
Harry nodded. “Basically, yeah. And when I kissed her, by Merlin, it changed everything.”
Jenna giggled again. “Please tell me that you are seeing her again.”
“I hope so. She is in Paris, going to a different school, so I probably won’t have a chance to see her until summer, but we have written to one another.”
Harry felt like a giddy boy, sitting with Jenna. Emotions he hadn’t felt for another person were tickling him from the inside, and it felt good. But also seeing Jenna’s smile and knowing that she had forgiven him was just as good, and he hoped that he never hurt her again. He also hoped that his actions would hurt Fleur; he had no idea how she would feel once she read his letter. Harry could only hope that she would somehow understand.
There was still one person Harry needed to talk to, and that was Harvey. He had noticed his younger brother as he moved about, but he hadn’t plucked up the courage to talk to him yet.
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7xBOMRxrL
*
*
*
142Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4GabHT8A2
Harry had left Jenna at the Ravenclaw Common Room with a tight hug and a promise to talk soon. He had headed back towards his room and was passing the library when he heard Filch grumbling.
“We will find them, Mrs Norris, no doubt.”
Harry rounded the corner and came face to face with the old caretaker.
“You! What are you doing out of bed?” Filch grabbed his arm.
Harry twisted his arm from Filch’s grip. Since he wasn’t a student—currently—he wasn’t bound to be in his room by a certain time, mind you, he had always been back in his room before curfew.
“Don’t touch me,” snapped Harry.
“Students aren’t allowed out of bed after curfew,” said Filch, reaching for Harry again.
Harry smacked his hand away.
“Mr Filch, Mr Black has no requirements to follow the curfew as he isn’t a current student at Hogwarts.” Snape appeared behind Harry and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Have you had any luck finding the other student?”
“No, sir.” Filch stepped back slightly and seemed to cower.
“Then I suggest you keep looking.”
Filch nodded and turned around, walking back the way he came with Mrs Norris close at his heel.
“Harrison, even though you aren’t bound by the curfew, what are you wandering about for?” asked Snape.
“I was making amends with a friend; I was just on my way back to my room when the old man accosted me,” explained Harry.
Snape sneered at Filch’s retreating figure. “He’s useless if you ask me, but Dumbledore keeps him around.”
“Make’s you question Dumbledore’s sanity.”
Snape smirked. “Get back to your room, tomorrow you have studies to catch up on.”
“Yes, Professor.”
Harry left Snape and continued his walk back to his room. But he was stopped again when he heard a strange noise. It sounded like footsteps, but there was no one around. He glanced down the hall and waited, but he heard nothing. Harry wondered if it was the student out of bed, and if so, how were they sneaking around.
He decided to step around the corner and wait. He slid into an alcove and waited and listened. It took no more than a few seconds before he heard the sound of footsteps. Harry looked back around the corner but didn’t see anyone; he carefully followed the noise until he heard a door open, and he spotted the door as it closed.
Harry approached the door and listen. No one spoke or made any noise. It was silent. Harry cast a quick, silent charm on the door before pushing it open and finding Harvey. He was sitting on the floor of the centre of the room, looking at a large mirror. It was an interesting thing as there was nothing else in the room, but the mirror itself was a sight to behold. There was beautiful detailing around the frame, and words that looked like another language was carved into it.
Harvey seemed to be so enraptured by the mirror that he didn’t even notice Harry until he spoke.
“What are you doing?” Harry asked.
Harvey jumped and twisted around. He looked at Harry with a startled face and opened his mouth to say something before closing it.
“You should be in bed,” said Harry.
Harvey stood and scratched the back of his head. “I couldn’t help myself,” he mumbled.
Harry frowned and stepped closer to him. “What do you mean?”
Harvey turned back towards the mirror. “I found it not long after school started. I was trying to find information on Nikolas Flamel, almost got busted by Filch and wound up hiding in this room. And…I…um.”
“You found a mirror?”
Harvey nodded.
Harry stopped beside his brother and glanced into it. “What so special about it?”
Harvey grasped his arm and took a step to the side, pulling Harry into the centre. Harry looked into the glass and saw his reflection; it was just him for a moment before he noticed that he looked older. He had stubble on his chin, age lines around his eyes, and a silver band on his ring finger. A blonde woman appeared beside him, her hair the same silver blonde that he could never forget. It was Fleur, older but still as beautiful as he could picture; a silver ring adorned her ring finger too. And in her arms was a child; it had Fleur’s hair and his green eyes, the same eyes he got from his mother.
“What is this?” asked Harry.
Harvey shrugged. “I’m not sure. I think it shows you want you want.”
A family that is what he saw. People who loved him. Harry swallowed the lump in his throat and looked away. Whatever the mirror was, it felt dangerous. He felt the pull to stay there in front of it.
Harry grasped Harvey’s shoulders and pulled him away from the mirror. “You can’t come back here, Harvey.”
“Why not?” Harvey frowned.
“Whatever this mirror is, it feels dangerous, and I don’t think it would be good if either of us returned.”
Harvey looked like he wanted to argue. He bit down on his lip and glanced at the mirror.
“What did you see when you looked in it that made you come looking for it again?” Harry asked.
Harvey dropped his head and said, “You.”
Harry’s heart dropped. “Me?”
Harvey nodded. “You were standing beside me, happy. You looked at me with something that just told me that you were actually happy to be my brother.”
Harry’s chest felt tight. He knew he had pushed his brother aside; his own emotional grief was too much to allow Harvey a place in his heart. But Harvey had done nothing other than want a big brother, he had tried so hard to get Harry just to like him, but Harry had blocked him at every chance.
Harry pulled Harvey to his chest and hugged him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had done such a thing. Maybe when Harvey had been just a baby, he couldn’t picture it. But he pulled Harvey in tight and said, “I am so sorry.”
Harvey’s arms gripped Harry, and he felt a tear touch his head.
“I have been horrible to you when you haven’t deserved it. You have no idea how much I wish I could take back what I’ve done.”
Harvey pulled back slightly, he didn’t let go, but he looked up at Harry. “I know you were sad; I don’t really understand it all, Dad tried to explain, but I think it was hard for him. I just wanted to help you.”
Harry smiled through the tears and cupped Harvey’s face while kneeling to look him in the eye. “I know you did. And you’re right, I am sad, very sad. But things will get better.”
It was the first time that Harry had said it aloud. That things would get better. And hearing it felt good.
“And I was hoping that you would let me try and be the brother you deserve.”
Harvey smiled. It was that stupid grin he had whenever he got cake or a present, or whenever Harry had arrived. It made Harry see that his brother loved him despite everything he had done.
“I would like that.”
Harry took his brother back to his dorm. He had been surprised to learn that James had owned an invisibility cloak that he had given to Harvey for Christmas, no doubt expecting his son to get up to all sorts of trouble with it. Harvey had hugged him again before going to bed and leaving Harry to sort through his day. It had been long and tiring.
He also remembered that he had meant to look into the possibility that the Philosopher Stone was in the castle. With everything that had happened, he had forgotten, but it seemed that Harvey and his friends hadn’t.
But he would worry about that tomorrow.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
