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Wolves have a saying. A dark night does not make the moonlight brighter, but the moonlight can brighten up the dark night. It belonged to my grandmother's favorite; she owns all the credit for making it engraved in my memory. I hadn't thought of the words for a long time until they recently came to my mind. Now I can't but wonder, what if the Moon comes out but the night sinks into an even deeper darkness?
I roll restlessly on my back and look at the wooden ceiling above my bed. My gaze wanders to the fine wavy lines in the old wood. It rounds the knars, travels along the dark brown curves around them, observes every little slit disrupting the smoothness of the surface, that never changing pattern I have become so familiar with, and I sigh. Sleep hasn't been coming to me easily for the past few nights.
Giving up, I let out a quiet annoyed groan and sit up on the bed. Elbow leaned on my bent knee, I rub my unrested eyes and run my fingers through my hair, letting them stay there. The heavy cloud in my chest becomes even heavier. Another familiar feeling chasing me every morning. And the Moon knows I am no runner.
I go to the bathroom to wash up my face with cold water, but no matter how much I am trying, I can't ignore the figure moving in front of me. I look straight into the mirror above the sink.
There she is, with her tired eyes and purple circles below them. Her light hair too dull, skin too pale, eyes judging. I want to punch that reflection and break the mirror into at least as many pieces as my soul has been shattered into. I look down instead, leaving.
After I slip into my blue jeans and tuck a simple grey T-shirt into it, I head behind the corner of the short hall leading to the little living room of my family. My mother is just watering flowers on the windowsill. Hearing me approaching, she throws me a glance with a smile. "Good morning, honey. You're up early."
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep," I mumble and head for the thin sweater I left on the couch yesterday. Although summer is almost coming to knock on our door, early mornings can still feel a little chilly here in the north, especially in the forest.
As I am putting the first arm through the sleeve, I look at my mother. "Dad's gone?"
"Oh yes. He left before dawn," she answers me while plucking dry leaves of the flowers.
I give a small nod. "I'm going to breakfast," I inform her tonelessly as I adjust the sweater and shut the door to our unit behind me.
I feel like I am sleepwalking. Every step I take down the hallway of doors and down the stairs is as hollow as my thoughts. The whirlwind of questions stabbing my mind ferociously like sharp needles I had suffered triggered an autopilot button in my head, which I have welcomed with an open and suddenly numb arms.
I reach the front door of one of the residential houses and am instantly welcomed with a fresh forest smell only this part of the day can offer. The part I have always been so fond of. I let my eyelids fall down and pull in a deep breath and the scent of night rain, dewy greenery and wood with resin fills my lungs.
And nothing happens.
As if it all stays stuck in my nose and can't travel further to my heart. I can smell the early forest day, but the usual blissful feeling is not coming.
Exhaling, I start down the beaten track lined with small shrubs to the pack house. Its façade has been marked by time and nature, the light plaster already missing in some places, the big stone arches carrying several long cracks, the railing covered with moss. But despite all this, it is home.
Once inside the kitchen, I look around and find Idony, Auden and Erith, another girl from our pack, already sitting at one of many tables. The she-wolves are immersed in a passionate discussion, so much that they don't even notice me zigzagging between the tables toward them.
Auden does. Listening to the conversation, his eyes slide to me and he instantly sends me a tender smile. "Morning," he says into Erith's nasal voice, silencing her.
"Oh, hi," Idony says as she turns to me, surprised. When I only greet them by a wave of my hand while taking the free chair, the corners of her mouth spread in amusement. "Bad night?"
I hum in confirmation and start rubbing my right spine.
Erith puts down the glass of juice she took a sip of and leans forward, continuing in what I suppose she believes is a quiet voice. "Shalon met her the other day," she says, drawing back Idony's attention that keeps sliding to me from the corner of her eye, "and the poor thing nearly cried."
Idony rolls her eyes. "Shalon is dramatizing it, believe me. I saw her before she left, and she was perfectly fine."
"Perfectly fine?" Erith repeats in disbelief. "You would be perfectly fine?"
Ah, I think I am getting a headache. Not because of Erith, though she is not helping the matter. On the other hand, some headache is a hundred times better than being a victim of the pack's fount of gossips. Still, to stop the incipient pain, my fingers push harder on the spine. Then they stop.
Auden's dark eyes are on me, their pensive look topping the whole analyzing expression on his face. The thumb of his hand lying on the table is rubbing against his index finger, but other than that, he is completely stilled, just watching me. And his gaze feels like a probe burning its way straight into my mind.
Feeling like I have to do something to keep my thoughts safe, I reach for one Idony's chocolate biscuit. "Who is the poor thing?" I ask to join the discussion and take a bite.
Idony rolls her eyes again on their way to me and in a tone indicating that she finds it absurd, she says, "Manon."
I stop chewing.
The image of the girl's delicate hand with beautiful dark caramel skin sliding hesitantly into the firmly waiting palm flashes before my eyes, piercing my heart like another needle.
I swallow the bite in my mouth and it feels like gravel. "Aha," I get out.
Standing her ground, Erith shakes her head at Idony. "You don't believe me but I'm telling you, the girl has a damn bad luck. You'll see."
I frown at Erith. "Why?"
The disbelief in her tone spreads to her expression. "Because she's supposed to mate with Tarquin."
I think for a second. "How is that different from mating with anyone else?"
This time, all eyes are on me. I go from Idony's surprised face and Erith's incredulous gaze to Auden's eyes that seem to be still holding their pensiveness.
Erith leans even more on the table, as if a smaller distance between us could help me understand better. "It's Tarquin we are talking about here," she says slowly like explaining it to a child. "The Silver Meadow pack." She gives a partly hysterical chortle, apparently amazed she has to be saying it. "These wolves are freaks! They don't even leave their territory."
Idony groans.
Erith's gaze shoots to her. "Sorry, you've ever seen them anywhere around?"
"No," Idony admits, and Erith slaps her palm on the table like here you go. "But that just means we don't know them," Idony is not giving up. "Their Alpha might be a little... well, never mind. But don't put every wolf in one den."
"Their den is probably made of puppies' bones..." Erith mumbles under her nose.
"Okay, you know what? I'm going for something normal to eat before you ruin my appetite completely." Fed up by Erith's words, Idony gets up. She turns to me. "You coming?"
I shake my head. "I'm not hungry."
"Wait," Erith finishes the rest of her juice in one gulp, "I'm going."
The look on Idony's face puts a small smile on mine. It disappears the moment I aim my attention back to the table. I sigh. "What is it?"
Auden, constantly observing me, glances between my eyes. Then he finally stops staring. "Seems like you've been having troubles sleeping lately." His gaze returns to me.
For a moment, I silently hold it. "And what, you have some advice to give?"
"Confiding what's going on might help," he says in a feigned casualness.
My eyes narrow. I wasn't so wrong about that probing into my mind.
I look away. "There's nothing going on." Auden tilts his head to the side, not buying it. Trying to divert the debate topic, I inhale and ask, "You've never told me why you stayed there. At the Harvest."
There is a slight change on his face. For once this morning, he seems to be trying to go through his own head instead of mine. Watching him, I'm not able to say if he is looking for the right words or struggling to find an answer in general. When he meets my gaze again, he looks very cautious of his next words. "I wanted to make sure you would be alright," he says slowly in a most sincere tone.
I couldn't hear him right.
A Mate Harvest is not something you can decide to participate in just like that. After the first three compulsory years, every visit of a wolf must be well thought out. Auden is an Alpha's son, his attendance at such an event sends a clear message to other packs that the future Alpha has decided to mate and is looking for a wife. Well, in Auden's case for a wife anyway. Calder, his father, must be receiving an awfully lot of responses. I can only imagine the political consequences of this.
He did it to keep an eye on us? Or... or was that you not meant as plural?
Seeing him guardedly watching my reaction, I avert my gaze. I clear my throat. "I should go. I promised to help Zadie today," I apologize with an uneasiness on my togue. I put the biscuit back on Idony's plate and get up from the table.
When I squint my eyes to Auden, he doesn't look happy with the end of our conversation. He jerks his head in a nod and though his tone is gentle when he wishes me, "Good luck there," his lips go into a thin line.
I turn and start for the exit.
"Carys?"
I stop and turn back. A second later, I am catching a green apple in my hands. Auden's chin gestures toward it. "At least take this."
Pursuing my lips in a smile while raising my hand with the apple as a silent thank you, I turn and continue across the dining room and out of the pack house. And after several long days of having a completely blank mind, thoughts begin to slowly whirl inside my head again.
The air is whistling around my black snout, tickling me in my ears as my paws are bouncing off the soft forest ground. With each jump, I am leaving more and more trees behind. The furry tail of my beige color with white hairs underneath and darker ones at its end is fluttering behind me, raised up toward the twilight sky. Running feels like a patch on my wounds. Too bad they are so deep.
I slow down and then stop completely, taking the last few steps to the dark spruce near our pack under which we usually keep our clothes. Eyes reflexively closed, I shift. I quickly put on the jeans with the T-shirt and sit on a stump behind me. Just as I am tying my second worn out white sneaker, a light brown wolf with blue-green eyes emerge from behind the spruce.
Idony shifts and breathless, she reaches for her own clothes. "You were fast."
Finished with my shoes, I put the bent leg down from the stump and get up. "I needed a good run."
Eyeing me, she nods and puts her head through her top. "I hope you got it because you're not getting another fast movement out of me today." A soft chuckle sounds from my lips, and Idony immediately looks at me with wide eyes. "Oh my, was that a laugh? I was almost worried you'd forgotten it."
I shake my head at her mocking and start slowly toward the pack house. Idony slips her heel in her second ballet flat and quickly catches up with me. "Did you know about the proposal from the Cypress Shore?" she asks while walking next to me. She is still in a pure astonishment from Zadie's declaration of what she had accidentally overheard. "I can't believe they offered their Alpha's daughter to us. How could Auden reject her?" She shakes with her head. "I mean, I know he said he has decided still not to mate yet, sure, but Thame? The girl is stunning. Didn't he tell you something?"
I find her curious awaiting eyes on me. A light gust of wind goes through my head, lifting freshly settled dust from my morning conversation with Auden. I look to the ground and start paying more attention to where I am stepping. "No."
He did not tell me anything about declining more than a generous offer to mate the Cypress Shore famed beauty. The very one that has been guarded like a treasure by her father, the Alpha of one of the oldest wolf families, leading a strong pack in the most marvelous territory in the Northwest. That Auden most definitely did not mention.
Idony furrows her brows. "I don't get it. Any wolf would kill for having a shot with this girl. And having a blood connection with the Cypress Shore? Dear Moon. Dad must've had a heart attack when Auden ref-" Idony stumbles forward as a kid bumps into her from behind.
Giving a short belly laugh, little Eli is quickly running again towards the pack campsite, followed by a bunch of other kids giggling in excited fuss.
"Hey! Slow down you little prairie dogs!" Idony shouts after them, but the kids are absolutely lost in whatever is happening in their own world. She is looking at their backs in amazement. "Did you see that?"
"Yeah... have we forgotten something? Because there are others," I say confoundedly after I notice another group of our children standing a little aside from where we came. These ones, however, are hiding behind the trees and throwing bewildered glances to the pack house. "Are they... scared?"
"They are."
I feel it the moment Idony's quiet words leave her mouth. The shattered pieces of my soul rising deep inside me. With stiffed breathing, I slowly turn around, and the sharp pieces are instantly flying toward me like fired arrows, piercing my heart ruthlessly.
His jaw looks even more sharply cut from the profile, the dark stubble running up the sides of his face into his thick dark brown hair highlighting the lightness of his irises framed with long eyelashes. His dark pink lips are moving with a seriousness that is veiling his whole conversation with Calder, Auden and my father.
He must have sensed me because all of a sudden, his head turns, and his eyes find me. The air around me becomes hefty. It's like floating on the water and slowly sinking into its depths, being drowned with a peaceful mind. His face, though, it doesn't show a single emotion.
A shot of pain that washes over me when he turns away, unfazed, digs the sharp pieces even deeper into my heart. I believe I heard it cry. Being stricken with a complete senselessness, I don't hear a single word of what he says. His hand is then raised towards the three men exchanging glances. While my father is watching the ground, defeated, Auden gives a heavy-hearted nod to his father. The Alphas shake their hands.
His eyes slide over me as he turns around and heads away. Only as I am watching him leave do I notice another young man standing nearby in the woods. He is looking directly at me. He sends me a kind smile before he bounces off the tree he was leaning on with his shoulder, turning his attention towards approaching Tarquin. He doesn't even stop at him. In a moment, they are both gone.
I swallow. Idony shoots me a look and then she is hurrying to the men wordlessly standing in front of the pack house. I follow after her. "What was he doing here?" Idony asks not even a second after we reach them.
Calder's face turns bitter, just as his movements as he turns and walks inside the house. Idony looks from the slowly closing door to Auden, her eyes overfloating with question marks. Her brother runs his hand over his mouth and pulls in a deep breath, which he immediately releases. "There was another attack."
"What? Another one?" I ask and glance between him and my father. His bright blue eyes, the ones the nature has endowed me with as well, sparkle with sadness.
"That's the third one in what, like two months?" Idony asks.
Auden gives a curt nod, the grief visible on his face. "The Cone Trail pack this time. The loss of life is... dire."
A cold feeling goes down my spine.
Idony sounds wary as she voices the question that is on both our minds. "How... dire?"
Auden remains silent.
"How many?" I push firmly, looking between the two men.
Auden lowers his gaze. "Seventeen."
"Seventeen dead?!"
Auden slightly shakes with his head. "Seventeen alive."
I think my heart stopped for a moment. I stay staring at him in horror and feel the slight burning in my nose as my eyes begin to blurry in the corners.
"That... that can't be right," Idony refuses it. She is panting.
"Wait," I shake with my head. "What did he want here then?" My eyes jump to the place between the trees where the the two visitors disappeared.
Despite the sorrowfulness, Auden's eyes become turbid with something else. Something he is struggling to say. "He's calling in the Deal," he says a little evasively.
"What-the Deal?" I frown. Auden's nod is my answer. "What-what does that mean?"
Auden looks at my father. Dad sighs and his heaviness holding cordial blue eyes meet mines. "That in the morning, we are leaving for the Silver Meadow."
ns 15.158.61.5da2
