I had unknowingly set a precedent for myself that I would feel uneasy about breaking every time I didn’t feel like walking anymore or I was too cold or had to take a shit. All are very valid reasons but you make a promise, an unwritten rule when you create a pattern, and when you break that pattern, the other person is thrown. Since I could drive, my dad would walk me to my car when it was time to leave his house and return to my own (my mother’s). It was a rule. And on occasion, he would break that rule. He’d ask my brother to walk me. Or sometimes he’d just say goodbye at the door, leaving me running through the events of the night, checking if I had made any missteps and if he no longer liked me that much. And then I would quickly move on as the relief of getting into my car and going home settled in.
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A chill rolled up my back and goosebumps covered my body, I stopped and told her I needed to go home. She jumped, “I told you! I know you better than you know-. I talked over her, unwilling to hear the end of that sentence, handing her her stuff back that I had been carrying in my bag for her.
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It feels unfair. It’s my brain, my body, my decision. Not yours to guess.
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