“Terran, why are you alone?” I asked as he sat gently seated upon the hilltop, hands plucking out needles of grass, moving his head side to side, left, right, as if there was music for all to hear. enjoying the moment as he was looking to the clouds beyond the horizon was the rising sun. Gusts of wind, emitted a sense of blue, implying, nature was watching our interaction through the eyes of all that lived with and beyond us, birds chirping, woodpeckers pecking, and trickling waters beneath the hilltop as a river ran below. Now and then, the violent brushing of the forest canopy, as leaves shook and rattled like the trembling of one who has endured many reasons to fear. And the movement of the blue, sad clouds.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKUsUHr8l3
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“Are we ever alone?” he said in a whisper, as I slowly approached.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPKDpr9WmV
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and again 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8paGXRHg7
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“I mean, I look at where we are now. where I just can't rid the company of all that came before; it's joyful to live within something, with someone, but I think it's time to let go of the captive that I never knew I held.”204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFirEaGd8e
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Walking uphill closer to him, resting my hand upon his knee as I descended down to the floor next to where he sat... 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOOljLoCor
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in the comfort he shared with me; beginning to copy his gesture of grass plucking204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmr1UHECF1e
“Aloneness is instilled upon us in physical and mental embodiments. This morning we can see the loneliness of our existence together” I said looking out towards the town that slumbered within the valley below, such beauty, quiet, empty, the only life to see at such time is the animals and the air we breathe. The sun's rays, not yet touching the settlement before us both. 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbanvcnbFSK
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Terran sighed and shifted his head towards the rising sun and said, “Why did you come here? I told you not to worry about me, ``in a rather unsettling tone, as if he was scared for my safety.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBbtb8CYNS
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I looked at him, his eyes could tell a million stories. All within the span of a second's glance. He looked, and our eyes met, freezing me in place. I saw desperation, hurting, fear, and powerlessness. Yet with such eyes, I felt peace, and perseverance and I saw the one person I wanted to spend my time with. He looked away quickly, bringing upon him discomfort with such a gaze. He never was one for long moments of eye contact, I assume he knows the stories his eyes unwillingly share... 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCaNX7099k
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I responded Quietly, trying to match his whisper-like tone, “Because you are here”.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8oBHmSgkG
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He looked over quickly, his face pink, blushing, and looked away once again. He withdrew from further plucking of grass needles, only to fiddle with his thumbs in embarrassment. I looked away from taking in his beauty, back to the clouds, noticing a change of colour, from blue clouds to a shade of ember as if the clouds represented the glowing nature of the heart he bore. As the eyes were locked away from sharing his true sense of emotion, his true sense of being. Clouds spoke his emotion through the unpreventable roars overhead. 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVku2L8cwq
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“Terran, you know you can talk to me. You can trust me, you know that? Right?”204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvBePvHzue
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“I know, but I don't think I can. I speak, so vaguely, so quietly, I never say what I want to say, it never comes out the way I want it to. I don't want to burden you” he said, starting to motion more skittishly, moving his legs up and down, rubbing it against the grass. His eyes were looking anywhere but in my direction. As if he wanted to flee. But trapped because he doesn't want to offend me. 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSyhzw7Hhn
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Upon recognizing his anxiety, I grabbed his hand, grasped his cold, shaking hands with the coldness of my two hands and said “Whatever you're facing, however bad it may be, we can face it together. Our cold hands as one, they can freeze the oceans, building a bridge to new lands.” 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6yRL74SLR
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His head slowly turned to me; I could begin to see his pink face again. Only for it to reveal tears running down his once-dry cheek. Lifting one hand from my grasp to wipe it away I looked into his eyes, they stared into my soul, this time without fear of longing connection, only to tell me something much deeper, whilst the colour within his eyes was fading. I saw it… I saw why he came atop this hill, why he was alone, why he sat atop this beautiful peak, looking down on the world, plucking grass needles. Because this day would be his last. This sunrise would be his last, the plucking of grass being his desperate attempt to feel as much as he could while it still lasted. To feel the life within, someone, something, anything. The grass was the only life he could hold onto that he felt cared for him. If not for me, he would have perished alone this night for he was quietly fading away into mere ash expecting roaring winds to lift him up, and brush his once lively heart over the valley on towards the sun's beams of hope. Granting a departure of sorts; one that blesses the world with his beauty, his meaning, his brilliance. However, to my shock, it felt like I was stabbed. The person I sat beside, without saying a thing, I now knew of his deteriorating being. 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EjFKDygCV
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I myself started to cry, tears running down my too-once-dry cheeks, like a waterfall of emotion. 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JsKMDpEa7
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He looked at me, and tilted his head with empathy, “It's ok, everything is ok.” He said, placing his hand over my shoulder. The man I sat beside, the one I thought to be comforting; now comforting me. 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tC2MEAvLD
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His face shifted from a pink colour to a warm ember colour, resembling the clouds. His touch upon my shoulder felt like the only embrace one could ask for. His hands were cold, yet provoking warmth within me. I wanted to hug him so badly, yet I was stopping myself. I don't know why. I was confident earlier, now I am sitting, overwhelmed by the thought of this vibrant, beautiful, peaceful, musical man, turning to dust before my very eyes. I can't lose him; I don't want to lose him. Please, don't rob me of his presence. Please world, please, please, please give me the time I seek, a day more is all I ask. As my head spiralled in a plea, grasping onto any possible sign of sentience listening for my calls. Only to see in his eyes, he knew, there was no saving him. He pulled me close and wrapped me around his arms. And it started to happen, his body began to fade. As if he was being dragged into the sky pixel, by pixel. I took this final opportunity, this final moment. I looked him in the eyes once more, I gave him the hug I so desperately wanted to give, and in such a hug I wrapped my arms around his torso, in hopes for his disintegrating body to stop, to no prevail. As his face turned grey as life began to leave him, continuing to look him in the eyes, I said: “I love you” 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGROgPyGhQC
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No words could follow, for the action that presented itself was that of a heartfelt kiss. a final hug, a final kiss, a declaration of love; I felt I needed to do more. The feeling of eternity, latching our lips, dry, yet flooded in love, embracing one another, we finally withdrew our lips, wishing for it to last eternity more. I wanted him to say something, anything. And in such a moment, his face began to dissolve into cube-like particles. I felt as if no words could express my love for this man. As I looked into his piercing, beautifully clouded, fading eyes I remembered times we spent in the past. Moments where we sat in fields of the schoolyard, listening to the music from his Walkman on full blast. Sat at a bench, taking in every bit of joy, laughing as we pretended to make up fantasy creatures and depict the sounds, posture, and silly morals of the tough big monsters. Oh, what times those were, silly yet memorable, silly, yet loveable, silly, yet… personal… Through such thought, came the tightened grip of one another. I grasped onto him, and we held our heads together, looking to the clouds in a moment of peace, just as I thought he was mute, and seconds from leaving me; He uttered with little strength, his final words. Words that shattered me like a mirror, 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSg6GHTRZ1t
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With the absence of eye contact, however, the embrace of one another, he triumphed over the pain, the agony of his inability and powered through to share his final words; “I love you too”204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTkVmZTSTD
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I heard it. My love. My one true love, however long it may have lasted, no matter the duration of our tested love. His words shocked my core, repeating in my head, and the grip of his arm around my waist vanished. And with the little moment of time we had left, he fell onto my lap. Looking down at him, his face half gone, arms gone, all turning to pixelated colours of ember and blue fading into the sky above, devoured by the clouds above. Only feeding the roaring skies, the bustling nature of the forest's canopy, aiding its whispering language. And bringing greater light to the bird's beautiful calling. I couldn't bear to look away from his fading body, because every second looking elsewhere, it's a second wasted not looking at the beauty he is… 204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAtOfanGTu
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I couldn't even lift my head, I was sobbing beyond belief, all he could do was watch with the little parts of his eye that he had left. Until it was gone. His entity vanished before my very eyes. I cleared my eyes of the tremendous waves of oncoming tears and lifted my head in search of his final particles to see a hive of pixels that gathered above me they must have come out from the cloud above. To bid me my farewell, if not for another day, then whatever sentience exists, this is what I was granted. I was given the knowledge of where his soul was going. The hive of such particles, combined into one shape after another, a heart, a bird, a hand, the shape of a sword and shield, and lastly, an oak tree. The tree me and him sat beneath while we were younger. Young and dumb we were, if only we could have expressed ourselves back then. We would have seen one another more often.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu006FhfBEb
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As the shape of a tree dispersed, so too did the pixels of his being, he finally made his ascent, his final departure. I gazed into the ember clouds as they sheltered his now resting soul. I stood, alone on spot, shifting my head towards where he once sat, where he was prior to my arrival. And I saw the plucking of grass turn out to be the carving of the words “I was never alone with you”. I stood, and took in the words that I stood in front of, the side naturally forced my knees to give out leading me to fall upon them with hands over my face, crying tears of joy, he got what he wanted. He went out with little pain, with little urge to do much more. He felt that he lived his life. Now in this life, I must walk knowing I too will never be alone, for I have him with me in spirit. I will live my life to the utmost of fullness, walking this life with him alongside me. As I am sure is what he wants from me. Not for me to join him, not until it is my time at least. This time is not my own, this was his time, and this was Terran's time to depart. To ascend in peace, saying his final goodbye to this world and all its gracious beauty. However, saddened by his goodbye being, I know he may not be here with me in person, but he is with me, with his family, in the shape of all nature. I just have to remind myself: “It’s okay. Everything is okay”204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr418VNat6o
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