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I spent my last days doing what stressed me out the least. I made sure to cancel my therapy appointment, so my therapists time wouldn’t be wasted waiting. I ate all the food I couldn’t enjoy before because I was afraid of gaining unnecessary weight. I played games with my roommate and smoked until laughing became a pain. I decided not saying goodbye directly to everyone makes me feel less guilty. I want to pass by them, and not think twice about if they’ll miss me. My last days should be peaceful at least.
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Today, I’m on my favorite spot on the floor. Staring at the ceiling I imagine the rug turning into a black hole, and me falling into the darkness. I close my eyes and take a deep breathe, hoping the action can ground me somewhat. A shiver runs up my spine and arms as I realize a storm is approaching and I can no longer enjoy the pattering of the rain hitting my window after tomorrow.
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It has been raining for 3 days. On the third day, the rain hit the ground harder. Thunder and lighting hit louder. The sky was screaming, or maybe crying out for help. The one who occupied the sky was the only one who knew something was stirring, and it was only a matter of time before disaster hit.
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Looking down at earth, the one who occupied the sky could only feel remorse. It mourns the human whose life will be taken, as it does every human who dies.
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The lightning thunders once more, interrupting its thoughts. This time, the lightning says something different. Lighting strikes one last time, concluding it’s prophecy.
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I wake up abruptly and sit up immediately to check the time.
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4:50 AM
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I barely slept 2 hours. The worst part about today being D-Day is not knowing the exact time I am literally meant to die. I look over to my roommate’s bed and hope he gets up for his 9AM class. It lasts all day, so he won’t know when or how I disappeared.
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4 hours pass and I can’t fall back to sleep. I choose to write a bit in my journal a final time. Someone will find it eventually and figure out why I’m gone.
I want to live normally. I’ve always wanted to love every piece of my life. I’ve always been ungrateful.
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I stop writing at that last sentence. I lay my journal down on my desk and head back to my bed. I glance at the time once more.
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8:30 AM
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My roommates alarm goes off. He turns it off and starts to get up and get ready for class. Luckily, everyone in the apartment leaves around the same time, and I’m left alone.
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This would be a perfect time I think to myself. I wait for what seems like days. I make breakfast, getting tired of just waiting when I could be productive. I make sure my laundry is done and do some chores around the apartment. By 1PM, the entire apartment is clean, my clothes are folded and put away, and I still feel anxious. My roommates should be back in the room in another hour or so. I wonder what’s taking so long.
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If she wants me dead, she should just do it now.
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“This is your chance to try to escape this.” I hear the jaguar’s voice form the other room. I walk towards him slowly to give myself time to take a deep breath.
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“It’s not going to work. She knows where I am at all times, it’s not that easy.” I sit down on my desk chair, and look up to where he is sitting.
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“I don’t have a good feeling about this. There’s something else she has planned.” His eyes scrunch up and he glares out the window.
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“Like what? Nothing can be worse than what she has planned anyways. Just let it be.”
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“If you disappear, I disappear too.”
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I sigh deeply, feeling my throat tighten, “I know and I’m sorry.”
He looks at me one last time before he lays his head back into his paws and closes his eyes. The jaguar knows I’d rather not say goodbye to him either.
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A few more hours pass. Nothing happens, and it feel like any other normal day. My roommate comes back to our room at some point and he suggests we eat out for dinner.
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I’m preparing to leave when it happens. My roommate closes the bathroom door and I suddenly feel lightheaded. I try to get to my chair a few inches away from me, but the room starts spinning. I feel a wave of exhaustion come over me and I start to fall. I wait to feel the ground below me, but it never comes. My eyes are blurred, but I can see darkness start to surround me. I hit the ground, and it feels hot. I try to lift my head, but my head falls back on the ground. It’s hard to stay conscious and the floor is burning my face. It’s not long until darkness fills my eyes and I fall into unconsciousness.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgFd5SXQ34
