“You sure you wanna do this?” Tam asked, his breath like a warm breeze on Eren’s neck.
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Eren turned his head back to look at his best friend in disbelief.
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“This was your idea!” He reminded Tam. “It’s a rite of passage, Eren! I have done it a hundred times, Eren!”
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Tam raised his hand in self-defense. “I may have exaggerated a little bit.”
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Eren rolled his eyes.
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“I have never actually been inside, just skirted the outsides of it, a few times.” Tam added sheepishly.
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“Why, in Joha’s name, do I let you pull me into these hare-brained quests?” Eren grumbled.
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Tam just laughed and slapped Eren’s back affectionately. Then he stepped out from behind the large balati where they were hiding. Eren groaned and followed.
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In front of them stood the imposing, crumbling, entrance to the ruins of Maelegiri. Only the gate was still standing. The surrounding walls had surrendered to the passage of time long ago. Three spans wide, twice as high and a span deep, the gateway seemed to have been carved from a single solid block of limestone, which shone in the pale light of the full moon. Vines of the Devil's Blossoms snaked around the structure, covering its white walls, arcs and columns in laces of dark green and red, the reds from its blood colored flowers, hence the name. Around it, haegari, demon weed and other varieties of perennial undergrowth had claimed the land that had once belonged to the demon-kings of old. The top of the gate was an enormous frieze. Once ornately carved with intricate curls along its edges, it was now weathered smooth. But here and there, the beaked head of a horash or the fanged maw of a draigh stood out, cast in sharp relief by the moon's light. The gate cast a vast shadow beneath it, beyond which the wilderness continued uninterrupted.
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As the two boys stepped into the shadow, Eren felt a cold ripple slide across his skin. He shuddered and looked around himself uneasily.
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"Did you feel that?" He asked, his voice rising slightly with fear.
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Tam turned away from his examination of the vaulted ceiling to look at his companion with raised eyebrows. "Feel what?"
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"Didn’t you feel it?"
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Tam shook his head slowly, looking at Eren askance.
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"I thought I felt something." Eren mumbled, suddenly unsure if the cool shivery sensation had been real or just his jittery nerves playing tricks on him. "Must have imagined it."
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"You better not be wimping out on me now Millstrem." Tam chided and gave Eren’s shoulder a playful shove.
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"I am not wimping out!" Eren grumbled from between his teeth. Then as if to prove his point, he grabbed Tam's arm to drag him forward. "Come on, let’s get on with it."
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“Calm down, Eren the Agitated!" Tam shrugged his arm out of Eren's grip. "There is no need to rush. We have plenty of time. Night’s not going anywhere."
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Eren scowled as Tam returned to exploring the shadowed crevices of the ceiling. He knew Tam would take his time and drag it out until he was satisfied he had investigated every nook and corner of this Joha-renounced place. Eren, on the other hand, just wanted to get this adventure over with so he could return to the sanctuary of his own bed. This clearly was not turning out to be the boisterous advent into adulthood he had been looking forward to all day. When Tam promised him a surprise for his sixteenth naming day, he’d expected inebriation and debauchery, not being chilled to his bones and scared out of his wits exploring a crumbling, supposedly haunted, demon-hold. Suddenly, the darkness and gloom of the shadow seemed too oppressive to him. He spied a barely visible path made of white cobblestones leading away from the gate and quickly followed it out.
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The land beyond the gate was bathed in the soft glow of the full moon, making everything around him appear sharper and ethereal. The path stood out, shimmering like a silver serpent as it snaked its way through a grove, steadily ascending a hill before disappearing from view. The lush vegetation on either side of the path was occasionally interrupted by the remnants of a broken tower or a crumbled wall, peeking from behind the curtains of green, brown and black. A light breeze was flowing and the shadows danced along with it, conjuring, inside Eren’s mind, images of feral beasts and unimagined horrors lurking in the dark. He shuddered and clasped his arms protectively around himself as he continued to trek up the hill following the white trail.
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When the hill peaked, Eren found himself overlooking a valley. Though the forest below was more dense, the ancient structures were surprisingly better preserved, and numerous. As if the forest had grown right through an entire city. White sloped roofs and balustraded balconies peeked from in between the tangled mazes of branches. Crumbling air bridges connected broken lofty towers rising above the dark canopy of the forest. Boulevards of white cobblestones snaked around and sometimes continued through thick trunks and jangled roots. And in the center of it all, dwarfing all other towers and steeples by several spans, was a spire. The spire was built of multiple sequentially taller and narrower levels, each finely cut and ribbed with parallel ridges and groves. It was taller than the hill Eren was standing on so that he had to crane his neck up to glimpse its pointed tip. Constructed from the same white limestone as the rest of the ruins, it shone with an uncanny silvery brilliance against the dark landscape of the surrounding mountains at its backdrop.
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"Woah! What do you think that is?"
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Eren jumped at Tam's sudden outburst from behind him. He had not heard Tam approach. He turned around to admonish his friend and then realized something that sent a chill down his spine. He could not hear anything. No chirping of nocturnal birds or the low buzz of insects or even the rustling of leaves swaying in the breeze. Wind had been blowing when they first entered through the gate. But here, everything was still, as if time itself had stopped. The only sounds were the inhale and exhale of their own breath and the hammering of Eren's heart.
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"I don't like this." Eren whispered. "We should leave."
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"Stopping being a wimp, Millstrem." Tam scoffed, too taken in by the fascinating monument in front of him to notice the unusual stillness. "Have you ever seen anything like it?"
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"It's too quiet!"
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"What?" Tam looked at him in bewilderment.
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"It's too quiet, Tam." Eren repeated, daring not to raise his voice. Somehow it felt ominous to shatter the unnatural silence that surrounded them. "No birds, no insects, not even trees are moving. Nothing. It's too quiet!"
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Realization turned into unease and the two boys stared at each other awkwardly. It was clear to both of them now that something was quite unusual about this place. Eren remembered the chill he had felt when he had walked through the gate, and shuddered again. But neither of them was willing to acknowledge their fear. In fact, as the initial panic trickled away, Eren found himself a little embarrassed of having voiced his desire to leave. The silence stretched and grew overwhelming and the silver tower seemed to glower at them as if aware of their presence and silently reproaching them for their intrusion into its ancient sanctuary.
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Finally, Tam broke the silence. "We don't have to do this, if you don't want to." He said, trying to hide his dejection behind a smile. "We can go back."
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Eren thought for a moment and then sighed. They could go back, but then Tam would have to return home. Eren hadn't failed to notice the fresh red and purple bruise that marked the side of Tam's face. Tam’s father was a notoriously violent drunk. And whenever he was, Tam became his favorite whipping boy. As creepy as this place was, Eren knew Tam would rather stay and face the rumored ghosts that haunted this crumbling fortress than go back to his father. Besides, Tam had meant this to be an exciting adventure for the two of them. A rite of passage of sorts for Eren’s sixteenth. And as much as he disliked the idea of trudging through the haunted grounds at the dead of night, he did not want to disappoint his best friend.
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"Come on!" Eren said, grasping Tam's arm more gently this time. "A quick look around. Then we go back."
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"Agreed!" A nervous grin spread Tam's lips and they started down the hill into the belly of the old beast.
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The trees grew denser and the silence draped them like a heavy stifling blanket. On both sides, abandoned debilitated buildings continued to grow more numerous. Broken windows, abandoned halls and caved ceilings shrouded in darkness stared at them from beyond the veils of old gnarled trees. Neither said anything but Eren noticed, with a blush, at some point his hand had slipped from Tam's bicep to his palm, which his friend grasped protectively. They unconsciously grew closer until Eren's arms touched the side of Tam's. In front of them, visible through the canopy of trees, the tower grew ever taller.
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Eren couldn’t say how long they walked. Time did not seem to hold any meaning here. But eventually, the forest cleared and the path opened up into a large circular white plaza illuminated brightly by the moonlight. A giant fountain stood in the middle of it casting a long shadow across the white tiled ground. A larger-than-life limestone statue of a horash and a draigh embraced in combat made up the center of the fountain surrounded by a wide circular dry moat which was filled with dead branches and rotting leaves. The draigh’s scaly sinuous body was draped around the horash’s feathered torso and its jaws were clamped on the avian monster's neck. The latter's beaked head was tilted towards the sky, open in a screech. The vista was both awe-inspiring and sinister at the same time. Eren wondered how anyone could stand to look at the grim sculpture everyday before reminding himself that they were, after all, in a demon-hold.
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Identical grand halls with triangular sloped roofs surrounded the plaza. Marbled steps led up to roofed courtyards supported by a series of circular columns that disappeared into shadowed interiors. Each building had an ornately carved frieze depicting beasts and monsters of all shapes and sizes but too far away to discern clearly. Cobbled pathways branched off from the plaza in between the buildings leading off into unknown sections of the ruins. In front of them, past the fountain, a path led up to another columned hall, behind which stood the silver spire.
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"It's more like a city than a fortress." Tam commented as he looked around the plaza with awe.
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Eren couldn't help but smile. Tam loved stories about ancient gods, heroes and demons, about their cities, their wars and their triumphs and defeats.
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"Wanna keep going?" Tam’s eyes twinkled with excitement and Eren found himself drawn into his infectious love for adventure. He nodded and so they continued on.
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It was as they walked past the statue of the beasts locked in combat, that Eren felt it for the first time, an unnerving feeling of being watched. It prickled the base of his neck like the bite of a flea and sent an involuntary shudder running down his back. He stopped and whipped his head around. But the plaza was empty, save for him, Tam and the shadows.
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“What’s the matter?” Tam was standing a few feet ahead of him looking back quizzically.
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“Nothing.” Eren hurried to catch up before Tam mocked his courage again. “Let’s keep going.”
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But the sensation did not abate. It followed him as they crossed the plaza and walked towards the tower. The hall with the tower stood a little way off the plaza. A row of tall gnarled ancient balati trees bordered the path leading up to it. As they grew nearer, the tower disappeared from view, blocked by the behemoth size of the building in front of them. Giant columns far wider than Eren's entire arms span rose from rectangular foundations set on a white marble floor.
The ceiling that they supported was lost to darkness. Intricate carvings of vines, leaves and flowers covered the length of the columns, still untouched by the typical weathering they had observed at the gate and among the rest of the structures. It did not look old, simply dark and empty which just made it seem even more eerie. As they climbed the short flight of stairs leading up to the hall, each stair so wide it took them three steps to cross it, Eren felt like a muus sneaking unannounced into a giant’s dwelling.
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"How could anyone build something so big?" Tam voiced Eren's thoughts. "You’d think the demons were giants or something? And it does not look a day old."
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"They had magic." Eren answered, enunciating the word with every ounce of contempt and dread that years of doctrine had drilled into him.
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“Come on! That tower is this way.” Tam gestured. “I wanna see what it is.”
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They were standing at the entrance to the hall. The light from the moon only reached the first two rows of the colonnade, beyond which it was pitch black. The feeling of being watched, which had so far only been a buzzing gnat at the base of Eren’s neck, suddenly grew into a swarm coming from everywhere around him.
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Eren shook his head and backed away. “I am not going in there in the dark.”
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Walking through a moonlit ruin was one thing, but he was not about to go plunging into complete darkness just to sate Tam’s curiosity.
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Tam looked as if he was going to mock him again but instead he just sighed in resignation. “Fine.”
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Eren was surprised Tam gave up without an argument and suppressed a sigh of relief of his own. It seemed like the jaunt through the ruins might be finally coming to an end and not too soon.
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"I guess we can just set up here, then." Tam walked up to the nearest column and set down the large brown sack he had been carrying on his back. Tam had not divulged the contents of the sack when Eren asked about it at the start of their evening, simply stating it was another surprise. Now, apparently, Eren was about to find out.
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“What are you doing?” Eren asked incredulously, not bothering to hide his confusion and frustration. Just when he thought the night was at its end, it was just like Tam to spring another surprise.
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"You'll see." Tam smiled mysteriously. “You didn’t think we would call it a night without celebrating your naming day properly did ya?”
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“And we're doing it here?”
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Tam did not reply. He dug through the sack and fetched out two wool blankets which he spread out at the base of the column. Next came a pair of ale mugs and a small casket of …
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"Wait! Is that Alpinion wine?!”
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"It sure is!" Tam gave him a self-satisfied smile.
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"How in the thirteen kingdoms did you manage to get your hands on that?"
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Alpinion wine was expensive and rare. The only place in town it could be found was the Lord Mayor's larder. There was no way a mere peasant's son could have gotten his hands on it lawfully.
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"Don't worry about it!" Tam said, settling down with his back against the limestone column. "Just sit down!" He patted the floor next to him.
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Eren hesitated. He still felt as if something or someone was watching them. But voicing his concern would confirm to Tam that Eren was very close to pissing his pants right now. And Eren couldn’t have that.
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“And we are doing this here?” He repeated his earlier question instead.
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"Where else? It's the perfect place." Tam grinned. "Come on, Eren! Show some spirit! You don’t turn sixteen everyday. We need to make it big. Imagine when you tell your grandchildren you became an adult in the most haunted place in all of Meyrin."
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Eren smiled uncertainly. It made sense that Tam would think getting Eren drunk for the first time in the middle of the forbidden ruins was a great idea. He probably thought it was hilarious. On the other hand, inebriation had been on Eren's checklist for tonight and Tam's recklessness was always contagious. He settled down next to Tam and watched as he unscrewed the cork from the wooden cask and poured the dark-crimson liquid into each mug, filling them up. Tam picked up his mug, a cocky smile splitting his handsome face and Eren followed suit.
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"Welcome to adulthood, Eren." Tam said with mock solemnity as he raised his mug in salute, his green eyes twinkling in amusement. "May you have a long life full of ale, mischief and debauchery."
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Eren blushed but tipped the tankard onto his lips, watching Tam do the same. The crimson liquid tasted of wood, spirits and rotten grapes. He coughed violently as it burned through his tongue and down his throat. Tam chuckled and rubbed his hands down Eren's back. As the wine settled in his stomach, a warm glow spread through Eren's body, enveloping his mind in a slight haze. He titled his head onto Tam's broad shoulders.
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"This is powerful stuff." He observed slurring his words slightly.
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Tam laughed and wrapped his arms around Eren's shoulders. "One drink and you think you are an expert now."
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"It tastes like shit though." Eren continued and Tam laughed louder, the sound echoing off the walls and columns of the empty hall.
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"Shh!" Eren put a finger to Tam's lips. "Don't wanna wake up the ghosts. We don't have enough to share."
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Tam's finger traced Eren's chin and tilted his head up.
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"You are hilarious, Eren Millstrem!" Tam said softly, a lazy smile curving the corner of his lips. Then Tam bent his head and kissed him.
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In the past, when Tam kissed him, Eren tensed up, an involuntary reaction he always had even when he saw it coming and wanted it. Perhaps it was the danger of being caught. The back wall of a wheat mill, their usual snogging ground, hardly provided adequate cover against prying eyes. Perhaps it was the ingrained sense of guilt and shame. Or perhaps it was just the rush of being so close to his crush that filled his stomach with butterflies. But the wine was dulling his flee response and this time, he allowed himself to lean in and enjoy the feel of Tam's soft lips on his. They tasted like grapes and alcohol. When they finally broke apart, Eren was breathless, blushing and smiling idiotically, and vaguely surprised at how calm he felt.
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They continued to sip from their mugs in silence, leaning against each other in the shadow of the giant limestone column. The silence didn't feel so oppressive anymore. It was almost welcoming. It was one of the things Eren liked about being with Tam. They could simply exist without feeling the need to fill the void with useless conversation.
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“I swear he is getting worse.” Tam broke the silence between them.
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It took a moment for Eren’s brain, fuzzy with wine, to piece together that Tam was talking about his father. He didn’t say anything. They both knew Tam’s father was a monster.
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“Sometimes, I’m afraid one day he will go too far and I’ll snap and do somethin’ to him.”
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Eren looked up. Tam’s usually cheerful face was stone and his eyes were staring vacantly into the darkness in front of them. It was not the first time Tam had expressed his frustration at how his father treated him. But this was the first time he had heard Tam talk about retaliation. The venom in Tam's voice surprised him and he felt a tinge of fear, and then guilt. They both had difficult fathers. But unlike Tam’s, Eren’s father had never raised his hand to him. His calm voice and demeanor, with just a hint of latent violence underneath, was enough to send shivers down any grown man’s spine. Eren wondered what would happen if his father found out where he was right now and with whom, and then quickly shut down that thought before it turned into panic and overwhelmed him. He didn’t know what to say to Tam’s confession either. So he settled for giving the arm around his shoulders a reassuring squeeze.
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“I have been thinking, maybe it’s time I left.” Tam continued.
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Eren sat up, drawing Tam’s gaze to him.
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“What do you mean? Leave for where?” Eren demanded inalarm at the prospect of losing Tam.
Seeds of doubt sowed into his brain. Tam has been thinking about leaving? Without me? For how long?
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“You know. Like Bale. But I haven’t decided yet.” Tam gave him a reassuring smile. “You could come with me. You are an adult now Eren. No one can stop you from leaving , not even your da.
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Eren frowned. “I don’t know.” He looked down at his hands in his lap. “Where would we go?”
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Tam shrugged. “Ashinai. The League. I’ve heard, it is not so bad down there for people like us. Most of the time, the old temple just turns a blind eye. Or maybe even Sailene. It’s not illegal there, you know. For two men to be together.”
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Eren did not reply, his mind wrangling with the idea of leaving the only home he had ever known. Could he do it? Could he really leave Silver Peak and his father? He thought about his da growing old without him and felt a pang of guilt. And then there was that phrase “people like us”. He loved Tam. He was sure of it. But he was not ready to accept that he was, had become, one of those men.
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“You don’t have to decide now.” Tam said gently, kissing Eren’s forehead. “Just think about it. We could get away from all of this. Be together, without the temple, the town guard and our fathers breathing down our necks. We could be happy.”
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“And you won’t leave without me?” Eren asked, hating the exigency in his voice.”
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Tam cupped Eren’s face in his hands. The conviction on his face, the strength of his calloused hands around Eren’s cheeks and the reassuring calm of his voice that Eren had come to rely on for his own self confidence, all echoed his next word.
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“Never.”
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Eren kissed him and this time they did not let up. Panting and gasping, squeezing and clawing, feeding a sudden need to close any distance, any gap between each other lest something or someone tore them apart. And in that frenzy, all the shame of who they were, all the guilt of what they were hiding and all the fear of being found out, even the fear of where they were at the moment simply evaporated. Shirts came off easily, and so did the breeches until they were rolling only in their small clothes, untouched by the chill of the night in the heat of the moment.
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Suddenly Tam drew back, holding Eren down below him panting breathlessly.
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“Eren?” A frown creased Tam's forehead.
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“It’s alright.” Eren reached out and stroked his best friend’s, lover’s, cheeks. “I want this.”
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He did want it. He had wanted it for a very long time. But Tam had wanted to wait till Eren reached adulthood. Now, Eren knew he would never get a moment like this, away from prying eyes and free of the fear of getting caught. The alcohol was wonderful at suppressing guilt and shame and for once, Eren just wanted to enjoy whatever it was that had grown between him and Tam.
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“Are you sure?” Tam asked, still looking uncertain even though his arousal was telling a different story.
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“Yes.” Eren replied impatiently, sitting up to nuzzle at Tam’s neck. “I am an adult now, like you said. I make my own decisions. Besides, you promised.”
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Tam chuckled huskily, a sound that sent a fresh wave of arousal down Eren’s groin. “That you are! And that I did.”
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He reached into the sack and drew out a glass phial filled with a clear liquid. He bent over till the tip of his nose was touching Eren’s and looked down at Eren with such fierceness and tenderness, it made Eren’s heart leap.
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“I love you Eren Millstrem!”
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“I love you too, Tam Hargreev!”
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----
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When Eren woke up, it took a moment for his brain to come to its senses completely. He was lying naked on his side, a rough woolen blanket pulled over him. Behind him, a white pillar rose into darkness. He was vaguely aware of the chill of the night air. The moon had shifted in the sky while he slept so that now it was shining on him. He felt something was missing.
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Eren jolted up, the memories of the aftermath of their deed coming back to him now. Tam had been lying next to him. Eren had laid his head in the crook between Tam’s arm and shoulders. Eren thought he had maybe cried a little bit, though he did not remember out of pain or shame or something else. Tam had wrapped his hands around him in comfort and made a joke that had made both of them laugh, madly. After which, they had, or at least Eren had, succumbed to sleep. Now Eren was alone.
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He scrambled out of the blanket, remembered he was still naked and hastily started to pull on his clothes. Waves of fear and panic rippled through him as he frantically looked around, trying to find any sign of where Tam may have gone.
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“Tam!” he called out. “Tam, you there?”
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No reply. He stood up, trying to peer into the shadows of the hall.
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“Tam! Where’d you go?”
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But there was nothing there. Nothing moved or called out to him.
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Did he leave me? After what he promised? No! That is stupid. Stop panicking.
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A new, rather nasty voice, spoke up from the depths of his mind. You did start crying after the sex. Maybe he got disgusted.
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Shut up! Eren brushed the voice aside. He knew Tam would not do that to him. Maybe, he was hiding somewhere in the shadows, waiting to spring out and startle him.
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“Tam, this isn’t funny!” Eren called out towards the darkness in annoyance. He was not in the mood for Tam’s pranks right now. “If you’re hiding in there, you better come out. Or I’m leaving you here.”
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Still no answer. Where did he go?
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Eren left the shadowed hall, climbed down the stairs, looking among the trees as he walked the path back towards the plaza they had crossed. It didn’t seem like anything had changed. It was still night and the moon still bathed the white path and its surroundings in a silvery glow. If Eren had been in a more serene mindset, however, he would have noticed several things about the night had changed. For one, the breeze was blowing again. And the sounds were back. Birds were chirping, insects were buzzing and leaves were swaying. But Eren’s frantic mind did not notice any of this. He was almost to the plaza, which was still as empty as before, when he remembered Tam’s fascination with the tower.
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Maybe he went to see that tower on his own. Stupid! Why didn’t he wake me up?
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Eren recalled he had refused to go inside in the dark earlier and guilt washed over him. He turned around and headed back the way he had come.
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What was Tam thinking? What if he gets lost?
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Stories of ghosts and specters haunting the ruins came rushing back to him and he hurried to where he last saw Tam, only a few hours ago? He didn’t know how much time had passed, how long he had slept, or how long Tam had been missing.
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What if something happened to him? What if something got to him? No, don’t be stupid. There is no such thing as ghosts or demons.
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But it was reckless, even for Tam, to go wandering all alone in the dark. Eren made up his mind to give his friend a thorough scolding once he found him. It was only when he had returned to the faded old blankets still lying where he’d left them strewn on the floor that he noticed something that made him stop cold. Everything else was there. The mugs, the empty cask of wine, the empty phial of oil, all was as he had left it. Except for the brown jute sack. It was gone. Had it been there earlier? Eren couldn’t recall but he didn’t think so. The sack had still been bulky even after everything Tam took out of it. Eren had used it as a pillow while they made love. It was full of something soft and rumpled and creased. Their earlier conversation about Tam wanting to run away came back to him and socked Eren in the gut.
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Did he really leave me?
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Eren staggered, stretching out his hand to press his palm against the smooth cold column for support.
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Tam wouldn’t do that to me, would he? He wouldn’t leave me here like this, all alone, without saying a word. Right after what we did? Right after he said he loved me?
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But the doubt had already sewed its tendrils into his mind like a spider’s web, and no amount of self-assurance would assuage the gnawing pit of shame, doubt and fear that was forming in his stomach.
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No! Tam wouldn’t do that! He wouldn’t! He probably went searching for that stupid tower.
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Eren looked into the gaping darkness of the hall again, trying to conquer his fear to follow Tam inside. He had lost the feeling of being watched in the excitement of what had transpired tonight. But that sense was back, greater than before and Eren’s courage failed him.
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I will just wait here for him to return.
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Moments slipped and shadows grew as Eren waited standing awkwardly by the column where he and Tam had made love. Silence, which had felt so comfortable with Tam’s arms around him, now threatened to crack Eren’s resolve and send him fleeing back home. Only the thought of Tam coming back and realizing Eren had abandoned him kept Eren rooted to this spot. He thought of sitting down but the idea of making himself vulnerable in any way sent a jolt of panic through him. He didn't know how long he waited, but at some point his leg started to wobble with fatigue forcing him to slip down onto the floor. A great wariness crept over him and his eyes closed heavy with exhaustion. The last thought Eren had was Tam’s face with his deep emerald eyes beaming down at him fiercely, before darkness consumed him381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaGKKEg0dE
