My dress was meant to be blue but I wanted different. The fabric is soft as it glides across my skin and falls down to a little past my knees. Jen helps me into it, zipping it up from the back. I smile and examine myself in the mirror.
It's a simple white dress with thin straps keeping it up and the top made to look like soft white feathers of a bird. It flows with my movements and fits well with my blue flags. My dark brown waves have been loosely curled now fall down barely touching my butt framing my face nicely. My makeup is a bit more prominent than I would like but I enjoy the look while it lasts. I will only wear white ballet slippers since it's the fastest thing I can change into during the show. That will hide with my flags and flute behind a prop for the show.
The hardest thing is going to be getting me into my uniform without damaging anything my best friend and I have worked so hard to create. The process will be hardest when I have to remove everything while staying behind a prop having only a minute and a half to look presentable for the finale.
...
"NO! I WANT BIGGER! This is when the Firebird reveals herself, it has to be the biggest it's been all night!"
"No pressure, right?" I mutter sarcastically under my breath. I receive a chuckle from Jen beside me.
The band is looking tired and breathless already as they lower their instruments. But it can be tough to catch a break with Mr. Sweet conducting us.
I lower my flags feeling breathless and tired already. I think Sweet is more nervous and stressed out than I am. But that is not possible when I realized that my makeup is rubbing off onto my uniform.
"Thank God," I mutter when the little woman in the blue hoddie comes up to tell us our time is up. The next band eyes us oddly as they stand in their section lines. I keep myself busy with doing a last minute check to make sure the clasps won't come undone too early in the show and that I can pull my hair into a loose bun without a hair tie to keep it form flattening out before my appearance.
After hooking myself back into my snare drum, I fall in step with the rest of Drumline and the band.
Jen appears beside me taking my hand into a gentle squeeze. I look over at her and smile seeing her face calms me knowing that she's not nervous helps me even more.
"Okay?" she mouths to me.
I nod to her ignoring the part of me that wants to scream and run away from all of this.
...
The third movement begins. I quickly run to the prop near the fifty yard line and immediately pull my hat from my head. Dark brown curls tumble down my shoulders seeming to have kept their volume which I am thankful for. Not wasting a second, I quickly unzip myself out of my jacket and bibbers hearing the movement all too quickly coming to an end. Almost ripping off my socks and marching shoes, I shove on my white ballet slippers and begin to smooth out my soft dress and pull at the curls in my hair with shaky fingers and my heaves of breath sounding louder than I would like them to.
Another surge of panic soars through my body and makes my heart pound with despair. I take heavy, deep breaths to hopefully calm myself as the drumline and front ensemble play together at the front of the field arms moving to the tempo that pounds in their heads. They begin to play my favorite part which I smile when I hear them hit their drums to the quarter note beat mixed with the front ensemble piano and xylophone chord which makes the whole movement come to a climatic end as the band comes running.
Nathan suddenly appears beside me a grin on his face. "You ready?" he mouths to me for fear of his mike picking it up. I smile and nod to him before reaching over to give his hand a squeeze.
The finale begins. The band moves into position starting with the first sets being to surround the prop which we hide behind. My heart continues to race but I swallow my fear and bring myself to stand on my feet.
Nathan and I emerge from behind the prop, the flames adding the effect that the firebird was defeated by the thing that created her. I slowly allow my knees to buckle beneath me and I collapse on the ground looking sad and weak where I lay. The audience's murmurs are heard from where I am. It happens every show where someone thinks I really passed out and calls the paramedics to ask if I was still breathing or need medicine.
Nathan stands beside me holding his beautiful gleaming French Horn in his gloved hands and takes a deep breath before he plays his long and beautiful solo beside me like never before. I fight back my grins but let his music fill me and give me momentum to play like I've never performed a solo before.
I take my few moments of time laying on the ground to calm my panicked nerves and slow my breathing to a calm and steady rhythm. Breathe in. I glide my finger across the artificial grass of the football field. Breathe out. The stadium lights make the air and entire atmosphere feel warmer than it really is I take note of this while laying completely still. Breathe in. I close my eyes. Breathe out.
He finishes. I open my eyes. A color guard girl is moving towards him to relieve him of his horn. His eyes wander to me on the ground and I look up at him my eyes longing to catch his smile.
A faint whisper of a smile traces his lips as Nathan bends down and gently holds my hands lifting me from the grass pulling me into a hug which I gladly bury my face into his chest smelling a faint but comforting and familiar scent of the cologne he wears through his uniform. I smile as he spins me around in front of the crowd before wrapping an arm around my waist securing me to his side. Facing him, I look up into his intense dark eyes and smile up too excited to feel nervous any longer.
He turns me to the crowd and wraps his arms around me resting his hands on either of my arms to bow his head. I turn my head to the side and smile closing my eyes enjoying the moment while it lasts.
The movement progresses and I carefully slide out of his grip and reach out to feel my beautiful rose gold flute be placed in my outstretched hand. I do a light spin out of his arms as Nathan steps back to admire me take a bow.
I press my flute to my lower lip and take in a deep breath and blow a steady air stream downwards playing a high E-flat into a high D natural followed by a C grace note to start my solo my heart fluttering at the sound of my own music being heard by every person in the crowd.
The entire band faces me and takes a knee where they stand and bow their heads to the Firebird as I play.
Nathan quickly moves around the prop behind us to grab my flags. I suddenly allow the crowd, the band and even all other sounds to fade from my mind. It's the first time I have attempted such a stunt to take the solo into my own hands. I normally follow the strict tempo the drum majors give me for fear of messing it up if I take it upon myself to make up the tempo.
But something incredible comes over me and I let myself go. It's only in rare times that I give myself such freedom to express my emotions through music. But tonight, I allow myself a public opportunity. The vibrato and the crescendos not added into the music come out now as I play using my entire body to move around my small space on the field. I've never felt so empowered or emotional about my playing until here in the finale of a marching show do I realize why I have wanted to make music such a large part of my life. It's the greatest feeling in the world. I would give anything to have it back.
Nathan returns as I'm finishing my solo and lowering my flute. I turn my face to him as another color guard member relieves me of my instrument. I follow Nathan after he has laid my flags on the ground before me. With a grin and a bow, he awaits for me to quickly bend down and pick up my two blue, white, and gold flags he has already unrolled for me.
As the woodwinds crescendo into the small big hit they have while the brass begin to stand up and march to their big set of movement four, I lift the two flags and keep them together like one long blue and beautiful sail and smile closing my eyes as I glide around Nathan who follows me for a moment before disappearing behind the prop of fire in front of us to grab his mellophone and join the brass for the big hit.
My big moment comes filling me with a powerful surge of energy as I dip forwards gliding the flags with one arm letting them ripple in the wind. I stand in the center of the band that surrounds me playing one of my favorite parts of the show.
The band stands still as they go from the soft but beautiful woodwind ensemble of clarinets and flutes to the brass and low reeds suddenly coming in at such a loud and powerful force I myself feel goosebumps rising up across my arms at the beauty of this moment. I suddenly spread apart the blue, gold, and white flags like wings as if they are attachments of my body when the brasses begin.
Our crowd gives us a slight applause which was expected. I smile up at them and the press box giving them something to look at as I put all my emotion into my body movements of gliding the flags like wings. My hands gripping them tightly as I do a full spin with my arms outstretched the flags gliding around me like I am suddenly encased in a wall of blue, white, and gold, fiery light.
We all move one set for about six counts as I follow the woodwinds when they stop to do their difficult and fast runs while the brass keep moving for the remaining six counts. I swipe the flags in front of me where I stand in place enjoying the moment to catch myself a break before continuing.
While the woodwinds trill marching backwards at the same time, the brass come in with a powerful punch of sound filling the stadium with a sudden eruption of fire and fury.
I twirl, smile, spin, and throw myself into every step and glide I take across the field following the music moving my flags like I would my own arms.
Instead of feeling a surge of panic course through me, I'm filled with a pure and powerful excitement and joy to glide and throw myself into every step I take. Nothing can beat this moment as I run through the band seeking my companion or Nathan in this case.
The brass finally come to be biggest part of the show before I will show my true self to the crowd. The quarter notes they play are dragged out longer or more legato and they begin to march in half time for the fuller effect that this is the finale.
I run trailing the flags behind me like never before as I make my way from the back of the field to the front for the end of everything we worked so hard to complete. I know in my heart I couldn't be more proud of my performance.
My eyes meet Nathan's as he runs towards me where I stand in the center of the band. I can't help but run into his arms. He has given up his mellophone and openly holds out his arms to embrace me. Lifting me at the hips, he looks up me as Nathan slowly spins me into the air. I look down and smile into his intense blue eyes waving my flags gently in the air.
"You're so beautiful," He says quietly or at least I think it's what I heard but I'll never be certain. Nathan quickly sets me down once again just before the big and final hit.
I undo the small clasps at the bottom of my flags next to my thumbs and allow for the thin veils of blue to slip off revealing my true very long and rippled white wings to appear. I keep smiling and almost laughing and with one powerful and last surge of energy I have left, I bend backwards spreading my wings out against the glistening stadium lights balancing myself on one leg letting my pure white and gold flags bring the Firebird to life. I lower myself to the ground and once again glide around the field in the center of the band the flags rippling like fire behind and around me. I close my eyes smiling into the bright lights letting the music fill me.
As the brass come to a slow but incredibly loud and passionate end, I stop in the center of the band in front of Nathan and gently move my arms to keep the flags moving as I smile into the crowd. I feel his strong hands once again on my hips as Nathan slowly lifts me from the ground like a bird into the air as the finale ends and we finish the show
"We did it," I say between heaves of breath a huge smile on my face as Nathan grips my hips above his head. I continue to hold my flags high in the air the light wind lifting them into the gleaming stadium lights.
The crowd cheers and shouts louder than ever before getting to their feet to continue the applause.
It is in this moment that I realize what has happened to me and what I have become. I am the true beauty of fire white and pure. Light, warm and heavy as pure gold. I am Lux Aurumque the light and gold perfect in the way that I have created this symbol. It was as though this fire had consumed me; I had become the fire itself. In flames of pure golden light I was reborn.
I am the Firebird.
ns 15.158.61.17da2
