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The air blows frigid despite the warm he felt from the music from his neighbor. He wasn't upset, in fact, he found comfort in the song, a familiar lullaby lulling him in the middle of a scorching afternoon. He still remembers the chocolate he drank earlier. The bitter and stale aftertaste of spoilt milk and cacao reminds him of home, a familiar taste his grandmother used to bring him to bed when it rained hard. He feels a heavy hand crushing on his chest, and a loud thumping of his own heartbeat continues to overwhelm him with memories he couldn’t replay. Suddenly, his world shrank to the size of an eternity without them. He then falls asleep. It was all he could do…
When he awakens, the same faraway music is still playing, louder than ever, but no longer comfortable. He feels furious, and his memories all appear to be recollected suddenly in his head like a blank sheet of white paper, ever so pure, ever so vivid. He could still feel his shadow shivering, but he's feeling heated. Perhaps from all of the chasing he's done when his eyes are tightly shut.
“Nyebeee!”
Downstairs, a grumpy voice can be heard. It was as fast and as loud as thunder. He was pushed away from the side of his bed. But he refused to budge. His body is stuck, or rather, his mind will not allow him to move.
“Wait!
” He shouted back.
“Nyebe! Putragis! Don’t make the food wait!”
He couldn’t bring his body to move. Even though his body is begging him to take a piss, his muscle wouldn’t move an inch. All he could do is lay on the bed. ‘What do I want do today?’ ‘It’s tiring to be alive’ he sighs out of discouragement.
“Nyebe! I’m telling you eat your breakfast already befo-“
A sudden thunderclap blew, and the spontaneous breaking and cracking of crockery downstairs startled his body and made him stir. He dashed downstairs, adrenaline surging through his veins.
Pans, spoons, and casserole are all over the floor. Fortunately, nothing is broken. He noticed his mother on the floor, no serious injuries, but she had hurt her arm and couldn't stand. He was ready to help her when she interrupted him.
"No need," she answered, "I can handle myself." Nyebe grabbed a chair and drew it closer to her. It's the least he can do to avoid upsetting his mother's ego by asking for help from her own son.
"What a shambles!
" He stared at her as she struggled to stand.
His mother, Lily, avoided eye contact and said, "If only you came out of your room earlier and ate your breakfast already, I wouldn't have slipped." She may have felt uneasy letting her son clean up the mess instead of having a bath first. Nyebe stood motionless, picking up dishes and placing casseroles on the rack. They went about their work quietly. It's always been this way between them, this uneasy environment. He understands that one of his words could shatter her delicate ego. An outburst of lists of favors she has done for Nyebe since he was younger. How she provided a shelter over his head, how she placed food on the table, and even when she dotted him while he was unaware of his existence.
He ran back to his room after cleaning his mother's mess. "Where are you going? Aren't you running late for school? " Lily inquires. Nyebe paused for a moment, but made no explanation to his mother. He then went to sleep in his bed.
It’s too hot.
His room upstairs doesn’t have an air conditioner, only fans, it is staple in any Asian family. It was always hot at midday, so he could stay downstairs where it was cooler. But he felt more at comfortable in his own bed, alone with his thoughts, staring at their ceiling and accompanied by his things he likes.
I wish it could snow in the Philippines.
Little Nyebe knew that snow would never fall in a tropical country. There isn't even a fireplace. He recalls watching the news while ice pellets fell from the sky in Quezon City Alabang. It was great, he thought. Majestically indifferent. Even though it only lasted ten or fifteen minutes, it was a miracle in his opinion.
“Nyebe, time for school, I will go to your uncle’s place and buy some grocery. Your lunch is packed and your money is at your bag. I’ll be home at night so please take care of yourself.” Lily is shouting again. What a lazy kid she said to herself. “Lock the door when you leave, also bring the umbrella with you, the news said it would rain” She added before setting out. His mother seems to really care about him, like what all mothers would do. Nyebe just wished if she could be a more true to herself. But sometimes he thinks that her mother is being true to herself. Mirroring her motherly nature to be unfazed and reflecting to her past self. Lily never talk about her past to her children. No one asked her either, they were as if a stranger living in the same house having the same interaction for the sake of being called a family.
Family, huh, Nyebe never thought of them as a family, in a textbook they are; but to him blood are not the thickest bonds there are.
Poems…
Nyebe never had a bond with them, resonating souls. Resonating so hard they could hear each other’s heartbeat. He never had. And that’s why he never had a family. He felt lonely, excruciating from the longingness of wanting to be seen. He could never afford to. There are gaps between them his family subconsciously build. It could never be severed.
“Okay!” Nyebe responded.
He’s eager for his mom to leave so he that could start doing his rituals. When he is home alone. Finally he’s at ease. He can do what he wants, no rules, no nagging, only his words counts. That’s what he wants. And since they don’t have shower, they use timba and tabo. He never take a bath without a warm water. He couldn’t heat his tub when his mother is at home, she always starts how expensive gas nowadays. He couldn’t play loud music and sing at the top of his lungs because it would wake their neighbors, his mom always reminded him. Nyebe just wants to be comfy, what harm it can do, to do something he wants, they wouldn’t know. Heat that tub, play that music, dance like monkey, he felt alive. He’s in his zone.
It wasn't long before a familiar lady's voice interrupted his peace. "Lily?" ", which is followed by "Tao po" With a series of delicate, cautious knocks."
Nyebe peeked out the window when his gaze met hers. It's Kai's mother, and she definitely wants to talk to Lily and invite her to play tonggits while gossiping about Ate Reggelyn from their neighbor.
“Oh! Nyebe, where is your mother? "I have something important to tell her," Maricris remarked, her teeth yellow and her hair blonde. Her nails, with a pink stain and a deep shape, indicate that she is most likely from a nail salon. She definitely heard something worth walking for, since Lily's place is distant from the market where she sells toys and school supplies.
Nyebe doesn't have an option; pretending he didn't see her would be impolite. He exhaled a sigh.
What an unlucky day, just when I’m feeling my own company
“Mom’s not here po tita.” He said while he’s opening the door with a heavy heart.
“She said that she’ll be back later at night.”
"That's OK. Just tell your mother that I paid her a visit and that she should watch the news when she gets home. I'm truly in a rush, so tell her to fetch a heater as quickly as possible." She couldn't stop pressing her nails together and twitching her eyes. "I won't be staying long; I need to talk to my amigas," she added as she walked away with a senile smile
Nyebe stood still, laughing fiddly, with occasional “Ok po tita” and “Noted po tita” between her continues babbling. She waves at him with a wide smile“Don’t forget to remind your mother, OK?” Maricris shouted across from the street.
Her teeth could fall from that gap. She doesn’t need to mask her frail body with an over-positive composure, it will only hurt her. And why does we need to buy a heater? Isn’t it hot enough?
As he looked at the time, he knew he was running late; it would take at least half an hour to get to their school, and the first subject had already begun. 'God,' he doesn't care if he's late or not, but he doesn't have enough time in the bath to have a wishy-washy moment with himself. He could light a candle and pretend to be wealthy, holding a wine glass with chocolate in it, playing jazz music in the background, and soaking in the tub for at least twenty minutes, but he couldn't afford to miss two classes. Nyebe rushed through time with a quick beat as he realized they were out of gas.
“PUTA! " He groaned, clicking his tongue, he doesn't have a choice, he had to take a cold bath, his day is ruined.
Lily forgot to turn off the T.V as it plays on the background.
“And for our morning Balita weather report, a heavy rain is expected to fall in the afternoon at the Metro Manila. This is due to the storm from the north east that will soon enter the Philippine area of responsibility-“
The news is shelved as Nyebe pull the outlet. He locked the door, but as soon as he hasted through time, he forgot his umbrella by their doorstep. He doesn’t realize this and he continues to walk away from their home.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
