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I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.
That's the only way I can explain everything I feel, because honestly if I tried to explain it in any other way everyone's response will just be -
"Let's talk about it" or " It's just the teen depression hitting, it will wear off."
Like NO AMBER it is not just "teen depression" it's WAY MORE than that. It's my self-hatred for myself. The itching feeling in my throat I get when I look at myself in the mirror. From the time I wake up to the time I don't even sleep, I think about how life would be if I wasn't here. THAT- THAT AMBER IS WAY MORE THAN "TEEN DEPRESSION." It's just me- that's just how my mind has worked for a while, and nobody can fix that. Not even my meds.
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Every day after I leave the pit hole of hell [school ofc] I walk in, check on my mom if she's home, use the bathroom, and go straight to my room. Look at my dirty-ass ceiling and think of whatever pops into my mind first.
As the night goes on my tolerance for life lowers to the point that I just want to run far far away and start a new life. Where NO ONE will know who I am. Where I can be anonymous. Alone. Then i'm gone.
- and I slowly pick up my magic wand and trace the constellations all over my body so I can finally be free, beyond the earth's hard crust. Be apart of the stars above. Shining. Like everyone else.
"OLIVIA!!!"
"ROBERT CALL 911-- SHE DID IT AGAIN!"
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