8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLWcjsxDlU
But even so, 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZ93zHQXqC
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNl5HJCjF5
And every image an equal mirror 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7eUcLkn1u
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMmgJiawcu
You've moved up my doe dear, 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyf1Si6tAN2
From 8 to 80 scenes. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhTFbrm8lq
All that follows is true.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5Z6YKbVjg
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6iXLRl0B4
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChc57B1GEJ
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Now43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkoEfkNhvt
Not tomorrow43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUTKPW8FBS
Yesterday43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vgae2Rv6t
It's happening now43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdSo9TKgDE
The damage today43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXHQq5UmcN
The crazed and the misloved43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ3FagBV41
It's happening now 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLZlC6cDWS
Not tomorrow.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcjqdKlsUO
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87geg6U780
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡje11Qul8VV
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YEbi5YZxG
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjAxaNOVX2
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwpWOTT7UB
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjG85LnxuB
Picking at feet with 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1afxIv0boo
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsulGaf27B
Crazy. See them come out now43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BpR2jtull
Treading around town, 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiQUhD0mGN
Don't try to stop them, they’re 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHA00pF4QY
Starving, crazy. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrYVnRukXy
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Split up into cities devoid of community 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4g19j9i7ss
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQYt2LV1ew
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdW8LPGjRz
I know 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp75X7isEbK
I know 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSqgbiLYRq
I know that you hate them. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bLpj4zcDQ
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And the universe warps 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZarnEpYXt
And my blood flow slows 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GcfieKO41
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgh7vrduXa0
As we move further flow.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3nsUvMRRh
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCahVMgQIo
I hear static when I cum43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0RAQokBcs
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfWZNkMjov
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJuRA6vw8B
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxCFcCGCM3
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qNsduzEdp
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcgTAKuPE2
I’ve made such a fuss. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkehdB8U3f
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREGagSBYNQ
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajYjQDpcsc
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxgLhquyXY
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oGKnZZgJd
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNE39etyTkL
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3K7UIw0BF
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnkID19Y3a
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End. Safe. Found.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULTVQ8z1Of
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJGBwkjuyO
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdiC8SvBI7
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfsxWewkQk
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5diohQZMm1
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8jMYm1IUz
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSplGgoeUKf
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGYhZqF8TY
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6x4TN3NwHV
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmGbr6Iq6Q
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFI6fP3mK7b
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifkgUoKl1E
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jFTVOZjQ1
This world is huge and carnivorous. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8CTZ4wbp3
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQmAJvaQ65
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVtmlPeMCM
Of the buildings which once were was.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXfw1AgtqS
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSraAqB9Gm
Part one: I am dead and wake 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNDk19sMlm
Part two: I feel a new awakening 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzXcIHhSlD
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQcS3G3nAf
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CqHqYUcGP
Part V: this was meant to become the end 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Oe6zWA3zO
Part 6: But then this 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFO1Vu16gW
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pAmeISLm9
Part eight: Backtracking begins 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurqVugRS5C
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqo99WDkZm1
10: drunk now, I become the ending.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FDVehwngE
And that was Begbie’s story... 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV501gmiZJ4
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFe3NLWptui
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ll4qznX36
And I do not want this. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6mygQB6bu
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Always take in more, for security, 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjkzgMpY7Y
Now I fly. (…)43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoppWJPIio
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgv1AcCiQQZ
The mind: 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFpljK5O4l
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We touch the world 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaFnYihBss
And it all falls away 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUjIPHaRwu
We hear the word 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiv12HSIjo
But it all burns with the day 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBRteCiQDi
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Now our mother lies in blood 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWyWsw4vsN
Father swims away 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtCTJ8vhNu
And we find us all alone 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrCmGa43jB
Sadness song plays. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4IwI6iAvI
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Was it found? 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuM4y37Mz9t
What was spent? 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpB6TG0EQt9
Now that everything is lost43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjdjZA6XIh
What was found? What was spent? 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwUSW0WiaI
But a sadness song. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG3FP8u6T0
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6EXw1lRbO
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