8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJLFoXRLKt
But even so, 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMNMnmMn7r
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT1t7pDIbh
And every image an equal mirror 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXvOxOG980
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuXoOwgaAW
You've moved up my doe dear, 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFj64vIBuj
From 8 to 80 scenes. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VrP1Y7mLH
All that follows is true.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5ntAlTXF0
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZetRSB8ekT
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIjVAAxPYI
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Now49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYYMMmaVpj
Not tomorrow49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8zRqcFc51
Yesterday49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfU0O7bbGs
It's happening now49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EqcvAToPV
The damage today49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZj925hF1mP
The crazed and the misloved49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6vmarSwe9
It's happening now 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQWeBa9gUQ
Not tomorrow.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgbCiM3L19
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa82SR0Sclb
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddEQldLS4a
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIwCw1CbiN
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqA9tgH1INf
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgQXEzprjF
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXtJ5DjB6I
Picking at feet with 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaWTnm4J9l
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrY9VWbrT5P
Crazy. See them come out now49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Uc9nZgiow
Treading around town, 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOFPSaxe6B
Don't try to stop them, they’re 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuUnac85HN
Starving, crazy. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWydupw2cx8
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Split up into cities devoid of community 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufEee6k3rO
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRQLd3udzw
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWi9N3cHfa
I know 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftv7Yg8ZOP
I know 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMv6r8CHUN
I know that you hate them. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDmZqxU5hN
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And the universe warps 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisiDDVoX6y
And my blood flow slows 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKeQfg459U
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsAY1Ramzu
As we move further flow.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlpUqWcnsF
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPkbpULe4b
I hear static when I cum49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACRpc2Huvu
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPekcsyhRF0
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp2ExrJPrQ
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZnntaS4EW
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUExnIyzsj
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtllVM0Oycq
I’ve made such a fuss. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQbZj4HfOC
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZT6fN1yszv
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hmWY19UAz
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoMcYbJQx4
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZw1uAmX6bz
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YUjmcCDFb
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrECITVoii
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxFl8Y5Mbi
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End. Safe. Found.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCJraZF9jQ
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpVHrSvOXE
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd0fViYJjn
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuZKe6mbzr
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTSqP3W264
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBt6LHl3UxW
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ap5XiZXjy
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIHi0ajkok
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdV4iCtlhAQ
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdh7mQV9ucb
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuqtLzDxBj
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZQ05rRy1z
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWSv6v0Wxh
This world is huge and carnivorous. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr65KdpN0rY
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgPHJzAtx2
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEy64K49za
Of the buildings which once were was.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Xjkfqmwvq
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd47ne6Op7y
Part one: I am dead and wake 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNY5nTEe1b
Part two: I feel a new awakening 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVguvG55dh
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBvn7GYgWv
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiJIJveQT8
Part V: this was meant to become the end 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNt3F8uq4Lg
Part 6: But then this 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxjo4mKRTC
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVErdyh43KT
Part eight: Backtracking begins 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX87RSF7YPE
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMZqWFmxfV
10: drunk now, I become the ending.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4n0Pel5sjr
And that was Begbie’s story... 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv11NrN5jAN
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVy9lDnH4Ea
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwbkcMy0Yf
And I do not want this. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGrAEgBfBV
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Always take in more, for security, 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNc7NRjzuR
Now I fly. (…)49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfS8dfrnmC
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YlH4SSCGD
The mind: 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmZUcM62I9
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We touch the world 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp02hOulp4K
And it all falls away 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8BscbKC7P
We hear the word 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQEDW3w3aO
But it all burns with the day 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUFrMZkqqn
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Now our mother lies in blood 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZDZus0JtU
Father swims away 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuSYQG6KjA
And we find us all alone 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZBP9fgDXu
Sadness song plays. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdhdEiCqW5
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Was it found? 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAeSxnGjDU
What was spent? 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnYTjyYNgM
Now that everything is lost49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfvc331s1f
What was found? What was spent? 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgq3w7RBC0
But a sadness song. 49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8sH1pG3fm
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.49Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR36bQw1SZT
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