8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDZ62fZSue
But even so, 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNru7U0lfCA
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8Jtxn3XtV
And every image an equal mirror 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaXRI1jBCA
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QuG7E5utp
You've moved up my doe dear, 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffHjIPUSNW
From 8 to 80 scenes. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9H0jGnUxH
All that follows is true.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx2Zie7LmS
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25EHzPN3GR
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09S0Pnl2sc
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Now44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBD3pWOCPd
Not tomorrow44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQl2kr7Uh5
Yesterday44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv756JC7wWt
It's happening now44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AuKYwnZTI
The damage today44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVpyxicIxq
The crazed and the misloved44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXpCvi6DqK
It's happening now 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9GVMnlhml
Not tomorrow.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB07sMTQkuA
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiL59rw10I
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHictzsRpl
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCRQrlPheD
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Xrvft6IrT
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxetwncwidi
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQBeXX4pKd
Picking at feet with 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHh5styNsZ
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5yfM3mzV7
Crazy. See them come out now44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0XAE9dHeE
Treading around town, 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9ihAT3VRs
Don't try to stop them, they’re 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1Zzh8jJdJ
Starving, crazy. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNNN8tFJjt
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Split up into cities devoid of community 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1iMgMgvZn
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GTiX9pszk
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFelx4Opr8
I know 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XRRXpFsKe
I know 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7lRCF3Tb5
I know that you hate them. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlU6z8ZZpf
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And the universe warps 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtf48AIXu2A
And my blood flow slows 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSCZTQmsin
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AfeXB0C2O
As we move further flow.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJycLCxYie
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTmGX61OvE
I hear static when I cum44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqbVENln9g
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJiWoRgyCI
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExTR7gS9hv
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpv3waw76D
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXf3oj0BkZ
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJouov2O6u
I’ve made such a fuss. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRuXuNVCkC
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgTcPXyimg
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7PTuYDxmG
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWMDvA0YOw
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmmhyom9U2
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMePkm2OaMJ
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYNaTmC5Ei
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaC60eIavo
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End. Safe. Found.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnlTwr78YV
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIK7PKDj9w
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJvbn55eO2
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUBG7SSYMP
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatwG74hE2t
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHghmzyuVqA
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rWzqfFzEl
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEGWYhe735
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rbdypri3L
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld4iGDOsSD
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDOnrKdVqs
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9kiMcXkDk
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN7mvaTt6G
This world is huge and carnivorous. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQsrbcuSJj
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaEoWonSUD
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BRBmsdnLP
Of the buildings which once were was.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXyF6IUz67
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHiEJTiidw
Part one: I am dead and wake 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJa8KkL8qs
Part two: I feel a new awakening 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJXLhbxW6i
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOfzSfU2ki
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3ZxExnQpZ
Part V: this was meant to become the end 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ar11MbxXc
Part 6: But then this 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nz2CSiPaW
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAPamI6oD3
Part eight: Backtracking begins 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEloDTPylq2
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfRqo6VrCL
10: drunk now, I become the ending.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiEhvz9FAb
And that was Begbie’s story... 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WBcNh1f2K
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfPUivGiTp
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqVbxJgVPi
And I do not want this. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUV3HaOQWe
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Always take in more, for security, 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCLywhh4mc
Now I fly. (…)44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvu2IST59L
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLST4kNDGzZ
The mind: 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJSaA8hOgX
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We touch the world 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdL4uIVMdcd
And it all falls away 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZWWw80Cjd
We hear the word 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvMTUoLPlx
But it all burns with the day 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqYy9Nypgy
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Now our mother lies in blood 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXa9fK68be
Father swims away 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjheVZdwdl
And we find us all alone 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqQ4UjpTne
Sadness song plays. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkr6DcPuGpb
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Was it found? 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOi9Wedf3oT
What was spent? 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqoILp60LY
Now that everything is lost44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLIbAuHJZe
What was found? What was spent? 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2c0P77yJjG
But a sadness song. 44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBLEoH4PNX
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.44Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4DBTKdOIH
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