Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPZQ0XFuWx
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WWTtYKAKI
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXtpqaGlCL
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4oqoI491i
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvQNQDmeCS
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWC0lM4tjQV
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSvELOEaFz
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5klB1vr5B
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGDk8uZQp6
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAUkVjaSCQ
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqgom4gIsf
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXHdhlK5Qf
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsOIWtIq7C
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjKg02GeQ7
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbiVk6oIYe
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V6UhERQX4
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BW7LCwfx4
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*•*•*•*699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFz4LUQwcRl
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtdv7Wy2Hj
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZEArZExmt
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KqmgWld9o
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQOWL8inMS
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgE8fiOpcxK
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlJ5fIk8HJ
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2h4tGe9SjM
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gqh3XK9ms
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7CbiaPrDJ
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy7g70Ocf4
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTHyXeMxLv
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"It won't be painful—"699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4R5ogt3BYI
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrNG7vzePZ
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSS9k98y3WI
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCtDEfRGyi
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcIp2EAxWi
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMgBEN49do
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIORqS6EKRG
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy10LCxjogv
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjCRiLqXfV
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This is it.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6MzoObsFN
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBt1dUxeBBP
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauluwQjdm1
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt04yyHGyiO
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxnMQs1ryI
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I freeze.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bRFKmXs7b
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Then I breathe.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCAmwBIEfr
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0pdQz1snl
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUcnbyfunn
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6moICjKF9D
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGprllIKVHn
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkLIXgVYwr
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Something isn't right.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2TVl6jyHk
699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRSw4TXkX2
699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65bOQbcbJo
"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBh9esUkAx
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlS918txG2J
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJR8IhqShh
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6kjwSQOVN
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwNOz44glT
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His lips twitch. 699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsFpH8z45e
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHIFvs1Cxr
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJ4khyAZ8m
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"Okay so what do I have?"699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YdLZlEED8
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."699Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEiH5WLhOW
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