Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQhuk4X8id
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66JKpJ7OQw
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVG0KPUozd
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl9gIpI2Ju
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nmTTbEZNU
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALqPUSsL5s
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MpBwfU9MH
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgHynIfPeX
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoA7X5jHw80
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nmOvEFdGV
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJXFxkNlwp
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1a2UkFt0iP
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzu0ERzqSUI
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczWUQWdZHr
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PPO674Ebm
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZV824r97Dd
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqFJQpDEZE
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*•*•*•*706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPPFOW8S4h
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciRNVcYQtT
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHxlAGgIGi
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkXv37O9Xl
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKpkv5tVqA
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUr0ULnr5EC
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6VVd6kU39
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSzKb6rBrK
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2Y0PHuFC3
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCfbrLj5vl
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9mIbheE0P
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyY8V0XixU
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"It won't be painful—"706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxtLXTekPV
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KUkocd5kf
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqbj81b1zs
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDEpxsI1pW
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiIuIaWlSg
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxKgauaoAi
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeTgeDTBLQ
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZ8mmese3B
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2d87EzEPB
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This is it.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMzHYwqDgk
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlB7pM8FQ6h
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzpsKtOcwb
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyT7Z8yCOV
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0TA04tbpi
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I freeze.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpMpppdp8c
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Then I breathe.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSo2u4du3Yj
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpDvRg78TZ
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3YctKILqL
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vvcQuhlHP
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLC1fsAzpGm
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIwxOuCZIM
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Something isn't right.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfFRSr9YaX
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31jGGP4ECN
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCfglgZ7oP
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzzbfchuZN
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkXtebQaMG
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLf2jPLoKw
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His lips twitch. 706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5n1ET2buE
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSKb041RQ5
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2GRlWI9a9
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"Okay so what do I have?"706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSa1qW8Eap
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."706Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHehXaGonV
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