Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvniD3wPWHn
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhKhRI6mxS
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaCvJNLlkL
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gExlnUikM
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwanjBwybIC
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfeKsTYGjt
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgZ6QkJjnc
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHkuJ1oOgg
765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALKpe2N1MP
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACilFp2j16
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnGUMHmMQl
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXJSWK1E5a
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9VfF1vWP7
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSDbdUD54q
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTOcEvEOEs
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXMr6CrutM
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPY6n9KJwo8
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKsSuG1YwW
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*•*•*•*765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQEqxFTgrt
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHc7B0B0et
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUJLG5fPKt
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiE1kB8CZOt
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeRVpWfYhs
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvpTHStKEs
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR3su4tZoH
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBRHONnYRW
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvY7euup3ce
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAupCmiUAPi
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnedVETXW6n
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqF61vvsAKi
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"It won't be painful—"765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJYZk1hUx1
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfsXB1eCBA
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3uEYGmH2g
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CGqTiJz5E
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3Wu7UA44a
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrwH8pMFQw
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQoRCP9tIL
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjR5IeC1UsB
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvNDYqIhTA
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This is it.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQVpPKbOHr
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bA3XssyQn
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo2vWmi9Rd
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cxlaS2cFa
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxt0lUQP6g1
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I freeze.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgDBNDp9hq
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Then I breathe.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEVJpLqvku
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZK8OUDul9f
765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFobsrUGgt
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSYSPWXXat
765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mR3X4wVf3
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy6dtyP8lL
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMCezqPMZa
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoR361GOod
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Something isn't right.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2p1nLHC2f6
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765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZwRkYzv5s
"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrJ9ReEgr0
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnr87b2ads
765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKJi6ESdCx
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHAh2zK6sk
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XGeolZmdf
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVt9fbQpMg
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His lips twitch. 765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnufJMQo2vU
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAo5wwoxJZ
765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhcN8hmqwD
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAskmABIFV
765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZKg6SMjyI
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"Okay so what do I have?"765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyExkveWJY
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNd831b3sGz
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