"Where the hell is Kalani? We've been outside her house for ten minutes, and we're gonna be late for school!" Rowen complains, impatiently tapping his hands on his steering wheel.
"Since when do you care about being late for school?" I ask, rolling my eyes.
"Is it wrong for me to wanna change my "bad boy" image?"
"Since when have you cared about your image?"
"Did anyone study for Kosinski's English Lit test?" Theo asks, loudly slurping his 7-Eleven icee.
"We had a test in English Lit?" Rowen says.
"I studied." Julia says proudly.
"I know who to copy off of, then."
"In your dreams, Rooney."
"Page, can I copy off of your-"
"No." I say.
"C'mon, I don't wanna fail his class."
"You'll be fine. Just sleep with the teacher." Theo says.
"Nope, Kosinski's too hairy for me."
"Just by curiosity, what hair are we talking about?"
"You're disgusting!" Julia says.
"Prude."
Kalani slams her bare breasts against Julia's window, and Julia starts hyperventilating. She gets uncomfortable around any sort of nudity. Like Theo said, she's a prude.
"Jesus, you're such a slut. Where's your top?" I ask Kalani, who flips me off as she hops in the back, forcing Julia to scoot over.
"The female body is a beautiful thing." she says, tucking her breasts back into her bra.
"It's too early for this shit."
Rowen passes me a joint, and I press it to my lips.
"How can y'all even touch those vile things?" Julia says, turning her nose up in distaste.
"You'll never know unless you try." I blow some smoke into her face, and she starts hacking. "Fucking drama queen."
"Must you use so much foul language?"
"Yes. Yes I must." I say with an awful British accent.
"Do Mom and Dad know you smoke weed?"
"I don't smoke weed."
"But.. you're smoking weed right now."
"Huh. I guess I am."
"Hey, Sweetheart, can I-"
"No. No, Rowen, you cannot copy off of me."
"But.. but why?" he pouts, his large, multi-colored feline eyes dilating like a puppy's.
"Cute. But no. I'm copying off of Nathan Woodley."
"That poor kid you bullied into doing your Arithmetic homework?" Julia says.
"I don't bully people. I just have a strong personality."
"You think I'm cute, huh, Sweetheart?" Rowen says, wiggling his tinsel thin eyebrows.
"I-No-Shut up."
Rowen and I have been friends longer than anyone in our circle. He's always been a big flirt, and usually I'm immune. But even I, the self-proclaimed Queen of Darkness, can't deny... damn he's attractive.
"He called you Sweetheart." Julia says, nudging me as we walk to English Lit.
"He's a fuckboy."
"He hasn't dated anyone for months!"
"I don't care. I'm not interested."
"You're blushing. OMG, she's blushing!" 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3rN5BKGsX
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkqWqTkZLB
"Save your enthusiasm for something of importance."
"Whatcha girls talking about?" Rowen says, coming up from behind me. 156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkrDZtJHpz
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YTXTxHy8Z
"Jesus, Rowen, I hate it when you do that!" I say, smacking his broad shoulder.
"Do you have to use our Lord's name in vain, Jo?"
"Your sister has a stick up her ass."
Julia rolls her eyes, muttering, "You're all going to hell." while she opens her locker for a textbook.
"Hell doesn't exist." I say, just to annoy her.
"Hell does exist. When was the last time you went to Church?"
"Thanksgiving Sunday. Worst Sunday of my life."
"Alright, quiet down, class." Kosinski says, even though no one entering the classroom is talking.
"I think he forgot to take his psych meds, 'cause he seems to be hearing voices again." Roman mutters.
"I'm ready to fail." Kalani chants.
"Your optimism is awe-inspiring." I say.
"I learned all I know from Mister Miyagi. Try. Fail again. Fail better."
"Kalani, that's Samuel Beckett. Jesus, have you even watched the Karate Kid?"
"Nerd."
"Who's ready to take this test? Might I remind you all that this test is 80 percent of your grade, so.. no pressure."
Bowie and Queen's Under Pressure plays in the back of the classroom.
"No pressure, my ass." I say.
Kosinski hands us each our graded tests as we walk past his desk, some students anxious to escape his torture chamber of boredom.
"Aww, I got an F." Theo says.
"F. For failure." Rowen says, seemingly proud of himself for achieving a mere 75 percent.
Kalani, Julia, and I get 96 percent on our tests.
"You guys are like, superhuman." Theo says.
"No, Theo, we just study a lot." Kalani says.
"I can't believe you got a C even though you cheated off of some nerd's paper." I say to Rowen.
"I can't believe it's not butter!" Theo says.
"Normie." Kalani says.
"I can't believe it either! I bet the little worm played me." Rowen says.
"So he's even smarter than you by a landslide." I say.
"I don't need brains. I got looks."
"You look like you could be the love child of Steve Buscemi and Harry Styles." I deadpan.
Kalani giggles, her lipstick going all over her face.
"Harry Styles is bad ass. I'll take whatever I can get." he says, winking at me.
I fake-barfing in my mouth.
"I'm honestly hurt by that, Page."
"You should be, Rooney."
"Oh, get a room." Theo says.
"Not a bad idea, Jo."
"Not even in a million years." I say.
"So you're saying there's a chance?"
"He's got you there." Kalani says.
"Who's side are you on?"
"The side of love."
"Keep this Wattpad shit up, and you're not getting any of my meat ball hoagie."
She fake-gasps. "No! Not the meat ball hoagie!"
"Yep. I'm laying down the law here."
The intercom crackles. "Students, this is your Vice Principal speaking. Lunch today has been switched from meat ball hoagies to cheese-and-broccoli casserole."
"And there goes my reason for getting up and going to school this morning." Kalani mutters.
"Who taught this woman how to cook?" Theo says, recoiling as Roberta the lunch lady practically throws a large scoopful of cheese-and-broccoli casserole.
"Calling her a woman is generous.." Rowen mutters.
Obviously hearing his rude comment, Roberta spits into his casserole before serving it to him, stabbing it with a spork.
"Someone ought to report her to H.R." he says, throwing his food in the trash, plastic tray and all.
"What are you going to eat, though?" Theo says, soldiering through the witch concoction on his tray.
"Not hungry. How can you eat that shit? It tastes like old cats and used condoms."
"Is everything about sex to you?" Kalani says.
"Rich, coming from the girl who apparently lost her top in George Gutierrez's Toyota Corolla." he says, referring to Kalani's on and off again boyfriend.
Kalani doesn't even bother to cover her upper torso with George's letterman jacket. "I'm planning to flash Gomez in fourth period."
"He's gay." I say.
"I bet I can turn him straight. Who can resist the power of.." She slips off the letterman jacket, letting her breasts hang out.
"What a whore!" Julia's friend Olive says.
Julia never sits with us during lunch. She prefers to sit with her more glamourous friends- Varsity cheerleaders, future Heidi Klums, and other blonde airheads. Hence the reason I dye my hair brown.
Lunch watchman and real-life Wreck-It-Ralph Mr. Peele is at our table like Roadrunner, yanking another clique's table cloth off, and throwing it over Kalani. "Ms. Jefferson-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She gets up and follows him to Principal Higgins' office.
Theo takes the opportunity to steal her tray.
Rowen and I both stare at him in disbelief.
"What? It's not so bad once you get used to it."
"Are you really not going to eat?" I ask Rowen.
"Nah. Had a big breakfast." He says, patting his stomach.
"Oh really? What did you eat?"
"Uh, waffles, yogurt, sausage-"
"You hate yogurt."
"It's.. good for your immune system."
He fidgets under my doubtful glare.
"Has anyone heard Taylor's 'no body no crime'?" Theo breaks in, trying to change the subject.
"She probably wrote it about Melinda Dyer." Rowen says, popping a wad of gum into his mouth.
"Who's Melinda Dyer?"
"She was this high school student who went to this very school. Rumor was, she was seeing a teacher here, and she got pregnant. She threatened to tell his wife, and he killed her. They never found her body.." I say, my voice lowering into an eerie whisper.
Rowen nods, wiggling his long, spider-like fingers like he's playing an invisible piano to add more of a creepy effect.
Theo shudders. "You Americans are freaks."
"Your dad is American."
"Yeah. Like I said. Freaks. I bet that's just a bloody rumor people here tell the newcomers to scare them away."
Theo and his family moved in half a year ago, because his mom got a nursing job at St. Mary's Hospital.
"Look it up if you don't believe us." Rowen says.
"I'd prefer not hearing anymore about-"
"The Woman in White."
"Who?"
"That's what us locals call her; the Woman in White."
"Well, I don't want to hear anymore about the Woman in White."
"Buzz kill."
"Total buzzkill." I agree.
Theo flips us both off without Peele noticing, which is something not everyone can manage. The man sees and hears all.
"So... are either of you two going to Prom?" he asks.
"Nope." Rowen says.
"Really?" I say.
"Yeah. You seem surprised."
"I am. You always have a girl at your side and... in your bed."
"I've only made out with them."
"You haven't... you know..?"
"Nope. Besides... I have this one girl, and she's sure as hell playing hard to get." He winks at me.
"No, I don't have a date. I think I'll just stay home and watch Twilight and mourn over my pathetic, non-existent love life."
"I could always.. slither in."
"That was.. that was awful."
"Yeah, that was pretty bad."
"Are you two going to take each other as dates?" Theo asks.
"I'm gonna take.. Shelby." Rowen says.
"You're taking your guitar to Prom? Why don't you just take Jo?"
I kick Theo underneath the table.
"Would it really be so bad?" Rowen calls after Julia and I.
"Huh?" I say, stopping for him to run up to us.
"We're already two minutes late for Cheer!" Julia hisses.
"Coach can wait a few more seconds."
"Hey." he says breathlessly, his brown locks turning golden in the sunlight.
"Hey."
"Would it.. be so bad.. if we went to prom.. together?"
"Come on, Jo." Julia says impatiently, tugging at my arm.
"So you're asking me to Prom?" I say.
"It's not very romantic, but I figured I'd snatch you up before someone else did."
I grin widely at him. "I would love to."
"Do I get a kiss on the cheek?" he calls to our retreating backs as we start to run to the girls' locker room.
"I have practice!" I say.
"Text me?"
"Definitely!"
"Stop yelling in the courtyard!"
"Sorry, Mr. Peele.."
Cheer practice is an absolute nightmare. We're performing a little number to open Prom Night, and Coach Greeves has a bunch of new routines for us to learn.
"I'm so quitting." Isabel Morales says dramatically.
"You say that every practice, Izzy." I say, wiping beads of sweat from my brow before it drips down into my eyeball.
"Quit chatting, Morales, Page! Girls, go on and pick up Page."
I'm the flyer. I get to be the top of the pyramid. I beat Julia for the position, but she became captain, so she's not too bitter.
The other girls form steps for me to climb up to the top of the pyramid. Good thing I'm not afraid of heights, I think, as the bases lift me up in the air.
"Girls, what do we do first?"
"Basket toss, Coach!"
"Which Basket toss?"
"Straight ride!"
The bases throw me up in the air, and then I make sure to fully extend my arms by my ears, using my shoulders to set-up and hold my body in a straight position. I land myself in a cradle position, which is the most basic position of all basket tosses. The newbies do Straight ride before going to the more advanced basket tosses.
"Very good! Now, pike basket!"
At the peak of the toss, I bring my knees into my chest, and fold my body into a piked position. On the way down, I arch my back and land in a cradle position.
"Page, do you remember the Double-full basket?"
"Yes, Coach!"
At the peak of the toss, I kick my leg up while my arms make an "L" motion, and then I spin twice by wrapping my leg and arm over my body.
"Nice job today, Page." Coach says after practice.
"Thanks, Coach."
"Teacher's pet." Bridget Cowell, the exact copy of Julia (just like Olive) says.
"Bridget be nimble, Bridget be quick, Blair's mommy's got a prickly dick." I say.
Her mother is the mayor of Heaton, which in her own words, makes her the "Duchess of Heaton". I think she's more of a court jester.
"As foul-mouthed as a toilet."
"You know it, Offred."
"Ugh! Why can't you be like your sister?"
"You wish you were us." I say, blowing her a kiss, and flipping her off behind Coach's back.
And it's true; she does.
"How was practice, girls?" Dad asks us over dinner- Chinese. He's particularly partial to the egg rolls.
"It was fucking torture." I say, cracking my neck.
"Language, Joanna. And will you please refrain from cracking your neck at the dinner table?" Mom says.
"It was torture, though, Mom." Julia says, yawning.
"You spit on my fried rice!"
"I don't spit."
"That's ridiculous; everybody spits."
"Girls, your brother called while you were at school." Dad says.
Jared was shipped off to military school three years ago after driving Principal Higgins' prized Lamborghini truck into Silver Moon Lake.
"He's doing great, and he's-"
"Staying one more year so I can get his room?" Luna, our ten year old little sister asks hopefully.
"When we're off to college, you can have our room." I tell her.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Guess who asked Jo to Prom?" Julia says.
"Who's the lucky guy? Do I know him?" Dad says.
"Rowen Rooney asked me." I say bashfully.
"Ooh! He's sooo freaking hot!" Luna squeals, high fiving me. "Nice job roping him in, big sis."
"Your vulgarity has rubbed off on your innocent little sister. Shame on you, Joanna." Mom says.
"What can I say? I'm an inspiration." I say, winking at Luna, who giggles.
"Do you always have to argue with Mom?" Julia asks me before she closes the bathroom door on me.
"I don't argue with her. She's the instigator."
She rolls her eyes all the way to the back of her head- something that the Page women have been doing for centuries.
"Don't forget to shave your legs." I say cheerily.
"Good night, Joanna."
