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The alcove was getting a little too warm for afternoon reading, I thought, turning the page of my book. It wouldn’t be so bad if I were still a maid, but now, with all the layers of undergarments, corset, and a long-sleeved, full-skirted dress, I was a little uncomfortable in the direct sunlight streaming through the window, and that would only get worse as spring turned to summer. Maybe I could talk to the seamstresses about making a few dresses out of a lighter material, or even a couple of short-sleeved, knee-length dresses for me to wear in the privacy of my room. A summer nightgown was a must. Nobody except Theresa would see me in it, anyway.
I sighed and marked my place in my book. Chevalier’s private library would be cooler, and Gilbert hadn’t shown up yet. Maybe he wouldn’t. I’d agreed to meet him again because I’d been trying to get him to leave my room last night, but then he’d manipulated me into letting him stay longer. He might have said everything he wanted to say. That was fine with me. I closed my book, stood up, and jumped as my eyes landed on him, sitting on a nearby sofa.
“You really need to learn to be more observant, little dove.”
“How long have you been sitting there?” I demanded. He stood up and walked toward me, but I held my ground. The window seat wouldn’t allow a step backwards, anyway, and he’d already put me at a disadvantage. I couldn’t afford to give him more leverage by showing any signs of fear.
“Not long. I didn’t have the heart to interrupt such a gripping book.”
His ice-cold hand closed around my wrist with the word ‘gripping,’ and he turned and walked across the library toward the back room, not slowing his stride at all for me.
“You don’t have to drag me,” I protested. “I agreed to meet you, and I always keep my word. You can ask Clavis if you don’t believe me.”
He opened the door and threw me inside. I stumbled and righted myself, spinning back to face him as he shut and locked the door behind him. Fear and anger bubbled in my chest. I chose anger.
“What are you doing?” I snapped.
“You said ‘alone,’” he replied in a pleasant tone, crossing his arms and leaning back against the door. “Now, we’re alone.”
“We were alone in the main library, too.”
“How do you know? You didn’t even know I was watching you.”
I took a deep breath and set my book on the end table with Chevalier’s, forcing my white knuckles to unclench. “Fine. Why did you want to see me?”
He chuckled. “You’re fun when you fight back.”
“If you won’t tell me, then I have a few questions I want to ask you,” I said coolly.
“Go on.”
Another deep breath. I had to stay calm if I wanted to maintain any semblance of control over this situation. “Why did you tell Chevalier where to find me?”
His blood-red eye remained trained on me, and his smile remained unchanged, but he didn’t answer.
“You put Obsidian at a disadvantage,” I pressed on. “Why would you do that?”
Silence.
“I’m not naïve enough to think you love or care for me, and I don’t think you feel a sense of duty because of a marriage agreement our parents made, so why?”
“You’ve been thinking about this.”
“I’ve been trying not to think about it,” I replied. “Ever since Clavis told me it was your information that helped them find me - even before that. He told me during the gala about how you look the other way when he helps Obsidianite refugees, and then there’s the night when you came to my room right after Chevalier rescued me, and I just don’t know what to think about you.”
He closed his eye, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter, and I stared at him in confusion. Nothing about him made sense. He was a horrible, frightening, manipulative man who had saved my life and the lives of countless others through his underhanded assistance of Clavis’ illegal vigilante work. I remembered his harsh treatment of me and his threats, and I remembered the softness of his kisses as he whispered in my ear. It all confused me further.
“Is this how you found the Brutal Beast’s heart?” he asked, his eye opening again and leveling on me. “Questioning his motives at every turn?”
I shook my head. “He was the one asking me questions. I didn’t want to talk to him - or any of his brothers, for that matter. I just wanted to be left alone to do my job. But you still haven’t answered my question.”
“Hm. So, you wouldn’t question him or his brothers, even though they expressed interest in your wellbeing, but you presume to question me, a man who threatened your life, your only living relative, and your country.”
“You also saved my life,” I persisted. “Chevalier would have found me eventually, but I don’t know that I would have lasted much longer. I’ve never liked to be indebted to anyone, and now I owe you my life, and I know you’ll use that against me, so I think I at least deserve an explanation.”
“No, you don’t.”
I sighed in frustration. “Then, unless you have something to say, I think we’re done here.”
“You really want to find some good in me, don’t you?”
I bit my lip nervously. There was a challenge in his eye, and I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t about to lie to him.
“I already have. You like children, and you’re good with them. Even if your only intention is to get information out of them, you can’t fake something like that. Their honesty also allows them to see right through people who only pretend to like them.”
He chuckled. “I wonder what you would have been like if you grew up in Obsidian.”
“You mean, if my mother hadn’t escaped Obsidian’s invasion of Garnet?”
“Or if she’d come here to the palace for help. Obsidian would have used your existence as an excuse to threaten war, and Rhodolite would have used you as a bargaining chip to force an alliance. Oh, did Chevalier not tell you that?” he asked, smiling at my discomfort.
I shook my head, clenching my fingers into the folds of my skirt. Sariel’s lessons told me he was right. The king and the court ministers couldn’t afford to put the life of one baby above the security of the entire nation. I knew that, and I understood the logic behind it, but hearing it still chilled me to the bone.
“Either way, capture or barter, you would have lived the life of luxury in Obsidian. Your mother really did you a disservice. You could have had a life without hunger, deprivation, abuse-”
“Freedom,” I added.
He shrugged. “The caged bird doesn’t miss what it never knew.”
Every word was making me more and more uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure why. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, wishing he wasn’t blocking the door. “Where are you going with this?”
“You’re damaged goods. I wonder what you would have been like without your scars. Without the fears that shackle you.” He tilted his head to the side, studying me with that unnervingly pleasant smile. “I realized the first night I met you that you would require a significant amount of time and conditioning before you would suit my tastes.”
My stomach churned. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“I was looking forward to the challenge, but you’re probably better off with Chevalier. He’s more patient than I am.”
“Please move.”
“Aren’t you enjoying yourself, little dove? I am.”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. “Move,” I said in a firm voice.
“You’re not in a position to make demands, little dove.”
“Don’t call me that. I told you to move.”
“Or you’ll do what?” he asked. There was a dangerous gleam in his eye, but I didn’t care. I walked up to him and reached past him for the doorknob. His hand flashed out, seizing my wrist in a painful grip, and I slapped him without a second thought. He grabbed my other wrist and swung me around, slamming me into the door with my arms crossed over my chest and his blood-red eye inches from mine. Panic exploded in my chest. He was Gilbert, and he was Jack, slamming me into the door when I tried to escape, and I couldn’t breathe.
“You wanted to know why,” he said, his voice low and menacing, his smile gone. “I’ll tell you. I’m a jealous, possessive man, and the moment I realized who you were, you became mine. Mine to have. Mine to hurt. Only me. I hate that you’re not even scared of me right now, but someone who should never have touched you. I hate your mother for keeping you from me and forcing you to live a life that has left you weak and broken. If she hadn’t already been dying a painful death, I would have killed her for what she did to you. If we were in Obsidian when Flandre took you, I would have burned everything to the ground and slaughtered everyone in my path to get you back. But I couldn’t do that here, so I sent Chevalier to do it for me, even though that meant I was letting him have you. He’ll make a mistake someday, and when he does, I’m taking you back, and I won’t let anybody or anything stop me.”
“Let me go,” I whispered.
His cold lips were on mine in an instant, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth, and all my struggling was useless against his unforgiving grip on my wrists and the weight of his body crushing mine into the door. Chevalier’s kisses were sweetness and fire. This was bitterness and ice. I hated it. When he finally released me from that awful kiss, I glared at him, anger burning in my chest.
“Do you still think there’s good in me, little dove?”
I was too angry to speak. He stepped back, and the moment my wrists were free, I slapped him again.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again,” I snapped, trembling with rage. “You will never have me. Whether my mother was wrong or right, she did what she thought was best for me, and you will not taint her memory. Chevalier doesn’t get to keep me because you said he could, but because he loves and respects me, and because I choose to be with him. He’s always let me choose. That’s the only reason he’s not here right now - because he respected my decision to talk to you alone, even though he hated the idea of it. And he’s never once treated me like I’m damaged goods, or made me feel worthless, and instead of blaming me for my fears, he helps me work through them. Maybe I don’t suit your tastes, but I suit his just fine, and that’s more than enough for me.”
I spun away from him and unlocked the door, expecting him to grab me again, but he didn’t. He didn’t even speak. I yanked the door open and only made it a step before another black-gloved hand grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side, wrapping me in a familiar, comforting embrace, one that I responded to immediately, burying my face in Chevalier’s chest and wrapping my arms around his waist.
“I’m not letting you do that again,” he said. His voice was a mixture of firm and soft, a gentle command, and I nodded silently.
“The next time you touch her, I will kill you.”
There was nothing soft about his threat, though. His voice was hard as steel, sharp enough to cut through bone. If Gilbert replied, I didn’t hear him. I only heard Chevalier’s heartbeat and his steady breathing, in and out, in and out. Gradually, surrounded by his warmth and strength, my breathing slowed to match his, and the trembling stopped.
“Do you still want to go to the stables?” he asked after a while.
I nodded again, loosening my hold on his waist. His hand left my back to catch my chin, tilting it up for a sweet kiss.
“You don’t suit my tastes, Ivetta,” he murmured. “You’re everything I crave.”
I smiled as his pleasant warmth penetrated my chest and wrapped around my heart. The tenderness in his crystal blue eyes added more than his words could convey. It must have killed him to stand here and listen to that, but he did it because he knew I wanted to handle it myself.
“Thank you, Chevalier.”
“We could go for a ride again,” he said, stroking my cheek. “Wherever you want to go.”
I shook my head. “No, I promised to bake tonight, and I won’t let Gilbert ruin that for me. Let’s go see Blade. I need to get back in time for Theresa to help me change before she leaves. Is the dress with the red skirt okay? I don’t think she’s washed the other one yet.”
“The red one is fine.”
I slipped my hand into his, and we headed for the door. “Oh, that reminds me. Have you seen Lady Simmons and her daughters today?”
“No.”
I giggled. “Well, you know how they follow her around all the time. Today, she was wearing a red dress, and they were all wearing matching yellow dresses, and I just couldn’t help thinking that they looked like fluffy yellow chicks following a plump red hen.”
He chuckled. “The youngest daughter has her eye on Clavis.”
I put my free hand over my mouth as the giggles turned to laughter. “Oh, no.”
It was so easy and comfortable with him. Talking, laughing, lapses of silence, everything was natural, and had been for a long time. I wasn’t sure when it all changed for me, and it didn’t really matter. This was what I wanted. He didn’t suit my tastes, either. He was everything I craved, too
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