x
Julius made me wait in the hallway with Mark while he checked the library. He’d done that before he let Theresa and me enter the kitchen, too. I waited impatiently, wanting to bury my nose in a book and forget everything. If I could do that, just for an hour, maybe it would be easier for me to breathe.
It seemed like an eternity before Julius opened the door and beckoned me inside. I took a step past him and stopped, studying the dark bags under his eyes.
“When are you going on break?” I asked him.
“When this is over.”
When this was over. It could be days until this was over. Nobody could stay awake and remain functional for that long. I should know.
“We don’t know when that will be,” I said firmly. “Somebody needs to take a break tonight.”
He frowned, but the corners of his lips twitched as he tried not to smile. “I’ll take that into consideration.”
The door closed behind him, and I let out a sigh, looking around at the shelves lining the walls, the sections of sofas and coffee tables, the rows of freestanding shelves. Bright sunlight, warm and inviting, filtered through the many windows. The room was empty. No people, no risk of harm.
Nobody to see me break down.
Except I didn’t want to break down. I’d done enough of that lately. I took a deep breath and went into the back room for my book, sitting on the end table next to Chevalier’s. There was still only one chair in the room, but we did little reading there lately. The heat of summer made his private library uncomfortably stuffy, so we usually read in the main library or in the gardens.
Which meant my favorite spot, the alcove, was out, too.
I picked a sofa facing the windows and curled up on one end to read, and that was when I realized I was still wearing my apron, and I’d left my sleeves rolled up, too. I untied the apron, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it on the floor, too irritated with myself to take it to my guards or back to the kitchen. My carelessness meant Clavis, Leon, Yves, and Licht had all seen my scars. I hated that. I yanked my sleeves down to my wrists and picked up the book. The words dancing across the pages taunted me. I couldn’t focus on them, and they knew it.
The library door opened again. I heard the slight creak, but I didn’t turn around to see who it was. The light footsteps told me it was probably Theresa.
“I know you’re not hungry,” she said, setting a tea tray on the coffee table in front of me. “But I brought you some food, anyway.”
Échaudés, darioles, beignets, slices of strawberry tart, honey cake, and meatloaf - she’d brought a little of everything. I set my book down and picked up a dariole.
“Thanks.”
She poured us two cups of tea, adding a splash of cream and a little sugar to mine, pouring a generous helping of cream and dumping a massive spoonful of sugar in hers.
“One meatloaf is already gone,” she said, handing me my tea and sitting beside me with hers.
“Leon really likes meatloaf,” I said, smiling reluctantly.
“That was quite a reaction,” Theresa said, smiling, too. “I wonder what Chevalier would have said if he saw that.”
She was doing it again. Distracting me from my uncertainty and fear, making me smile, coaxing a laugh out of me - and she was good at it, too. I ended up eating a slice of meatloaf and at least trying each of the desserts before I dismissed her, telling her she could have the rest of the night off, that I just wanted to read a while longer before I went back to Chevalier’s room. She accepted that answer and left with the dirty dishes and my apron. I stared at the bright blue sky outside the windows, wondering if Chevalier was still in his room. He would have had to take a bath after getting that bloody.
Nobody had called him the Brutal Beast or the Bloody Tiger for a while. Not to my knowledge, anyway.
I lay on my side and pillowed my head on a cushion, watching the sun creep slowly toward the horizon.
Chevalier had never asked me if I wanted him to change his methods or his image, and I’d never told him to. It just happened. The discussions we used to have when I was his maid were exchanges of opinion, not venues for condemnation. I knew he didn’t relish violence and bloodshed, but he would use whatever means he felt were necessary for the overall good of the kingdom, and making himself a target for dissidents and malcontents was part of that. Narrowing their focus to him meant they weren’t causing widespread trouble for everybody else. Although I never liked that, I understood his reasoning. And, although I knew he often thought my point of view was naïve and simplistic, he listened, and he didn’t denigrate what I had to say.
Of course, things changed as our relationship progressed. He didn’t want me to be a target, which meant altering his methodology and his public perception for my sake. But the beast was still there, slumbering under the surface, and threatening my safety was enough to bring it roaring to life.
I hated that.
The sun crawled across the sky, unwilling to end the day. The library door opened again. Booted footsteps crossed the floor toward me, solid on the hardwood floors, muted on the rugs. Heavier than Theresa’s footfalls, quieter than the clanking steps of my guards.
“May I join you?” Chevalier asked.
I looked up at him. The sunlight highlighted his pale blonde hair with gold and glinted off of the polished metal decorating his clean white and black ensemble.
“Yes.”
I pulled my feet toward me to clear a space for him. He sat down, removing his gloves and studying his hands. The image of his bruised knuckles after he dealt with Jack flashed through my mind and turned my stomach.
“Are you okay?” I asked him.
“There isn’t any bruising.”
I sighed and looked back toward the windows, my heart hurting. “That’s not what I meant.”
He was silent for a moment, and then he said, “Move forward.”
I shifted forward as he lay down, wedging himself into the space between the back of the sofa and me. He slid one arm under my side to meet his other arm around my waist, enveloping me in his warmth and the strong scent of roses. The strands of hair brushing against my cheek as he nuzzled into my neck were still damp.
“Now I’m okay,” he murmured.
“Good.”
The tension in my stomach unwound a little more with every breath. This felt right; this was better than okay. There was no blood, no glacial chill, no beast. Just Chevalier.
He pressed a light kiss to my neck. “What about you?”
I sighed. “I’m okay. Just upset that you had to do that. I’m not upset with you, just…the situation, I guess.”
He sighed, too. “It’s almost over.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
He rested his head on the cushion above mine, and I folded my arms over his. The sun dipped lower in the sky. Shades of orange and red stretched across the blue.
“Did you eat dinner?” I asked.
“No.”
“I can make you something later if you’re hungry.”
“I’m not.”
He sighed, his warm breath ruffling my hair, and he rubbed one hand across my stomach, across the gold lacing that decorated the front of my dress instead of the back. Theresa said it would be easier for me to change without her this way. Mischief sparkled in her green eyes when she added Chevalier would like the sweetheart neckline that was a touch lower than I preferred. I knew she was right.
“Who gave you this?” he asked.
“Theresa. She and Belle bought it for me as an engagement present, but she gave it to me today.”
He returned his hand to the side of my waist, restoring his embrace and squeezing me gently.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
He hummed the affirmative. Silence fell between us again, and eventually, his breathing slowed. The brilliant colors of sunset faded to pink and deepening shades of purple. I reached up for the edge of his cloak and pulled it down over both of us. He shifted a little, his arms tightening around me and the hilt of his sword brushing against my left hip. That didn’t bother me. Not when I was with him, and I knew I was safe. I closed my eyes, enjoying his warmth and the peace and tranquility of the moment, letting the worries fade away with my consciousness.
“Hey, Chevalier!”
What was Jin doing in my dream? If anybody should be in my dream, it should be Chevalier, not Jin.
“Cheva - oh.”
The surprised uptick of his voice as he interrupted himself broke through the fog of sleep, and it suddenly occurred to me that this wasn’t a dream. I was awake. And his voice was coming from overhead, and Chevalier was still holding me in his arms on the sofa in the library. My eyes shot open, my cheeks burning even before I met Jin’s sparkling burgundy eyes and broad grin. The black, star-studded sky outside the windows said I’d been asleep for a while.
“Um…hi,” I said lamely.
“Well, isn’t this adorable?” Jin teased.
I wished I could disappear.
“Go away,” Chevalier mumbled. The clear irritation in his voice didn’t bother his older brother.
“Now I know why you missed dinner,” Jin said knowingly.
What was the appropriate response for being caught like this? Sariel hadn’t covered that in his lessons yet. What about just dying from embarrassment? Was that considered proper etiquette?
“Leave,” Chevalier said, his voice as cold and hard as ice.
“I thought you’d want to hear the good news, but it seems like you’re kinda busy.” Jin winked and turned to go. “If you two need a break later, we’re all still in the kitchen.”
Jin’s footsteps carried him away. I buried my face in the pillow.
“Oh, my gosh…”
Chevalier nuzzled into my neck. “Just go back to sleep.”
“Just go - Chevalier.” I pushed myself up on an elbow so I could twist around to glare at him. “There is no way I’m going back to sleep after that!”
His teasing smirk did nothing to calm me down. The silvery starlight showed the amusement in his tired crystal blue eyes.
“What would you rather do?” he asked.
“Oh…” I moaned, flopping back down on my stomach and burying my face in the pillow. “I’d rather crawl into a hole and die.”
He chuckled. “You’re overreacting, Ivetta.”
“Well, forgive me for not taking this as calmly as you,” I muttered into the fabric.
His fingers combed through my hair, and he leaned in to speak into my ear.
“Look at me, Ivetta.”
“No. If I look at you, you’re going to kiss me, and then I’ll be even more flustered when I try to sneak out of here with nobody noticing. Which is impossible, because my guards already know we’re here together, and Jin probably has your brothers lined up outside waiting for us.”
He brushed the hair away from my neck and kissed it, maintaining a tight grip around my waist as I squirmed.
“Chevalier…”
“By your logic, it would make more sense for you to stay here,” he murmured, stroking my hair.
“You don’t seem very sleepy anymore,” I complained.
“You don’t seem very stressed anymore.”
I sighed and turned my head to face him, his crystal blue eyes only inches from mine on the pillow. “Well, it’s hard to feel stressed when I’m with you.”
He leaned in and kissed me softly. I rolled onto my side and snuggled into his chest, sighing as he kissed my temple and continued stroking my hair.
“If Jin’s news is what I expect, we won’t have to postpone the ceremony.”
“Really?” I asked hopefully, looking up at him.
Silly me, expecting a verbal response. A mind-numbing kiss was much more appropriate. I clutched at his shirt as he cradled my head in one hand, his other rubbing slowly up and down my back. This moment, this closeness with him, was all that mattered - until he stopped for a breath and I could think again.
“You should probably go talk to him about it,” I panted. “Just in case.”
He smirked. “It can wait.”
Suddenly, he shifted his weight and pinned me on my back underneath him, locking me in a kiss before I could protest. Not that I wanted to protest. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands settled on my waist, his thumbs digging into my stomach slightly as he continued kissing me. Somewhere in the corner of my mind, where thoughts could still roam free despite his dizzying assault, it occurred to me that this wasn’t fair. He was always in control, always the one messing me up, and he deserved a taste of his own medicine.
So when he took a breath, I caught him off guard with a hard push to his shoulders. His blue eyes widened in surprise, and I shoved again while he was still off balance, tumbling us both to the floor. I pinned him underneath me with my knees on either side of his hips, and then I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him hard.
Judging by his surprised grunt, I did pretty well.
“You little-”
And then he pulled me back down for another kiss, his hands tangling in my hair while I slid mine down to his chest.
“Okay, stop,” I gasped, pushing myself up to straddle his stomach. I was giggling; he was smiling, his blue eyes sparkling up at me. “This has been fun, but I really think you should go talk to Jin.”
He reached up to twirl a lock of my messy hair around his finger.
“And you should go back to my room.”
I climbed to my feet, straightening my dress and hair. “For my safety, or your enjoyment?”
He stood, too, and hooked a finger under my chin. “You’re not enjoying this?” he asked, smirking.
“Just go,” I giggled, pushing back on his chest. “And eat something. I don’t need everybody passing out from hunger and exhaustion."
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