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季慈為程華的話撼動。他無法說服自己不去相信，尤其是程華一心一意的看著他，努力傳遞他的認真，無聲訴求不要質疑我。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gsITSxw0Q
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他不知道程華怎麼看見連他都沒發現的問題，他以為是過往的經歷讓他產生陰影因而害怕，所以他從來沒有想過是不相信愛情。不過，也是了，如果他相信，就不會用這種姿態逃跑了。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nK5J3rvRo
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季慈本來沒打算喝酒，就跟他不打算承認隱約細微的小快樂一樣，程華破壞了他的決定。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpp9QsXEpoA
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「為什麼要喜歡我，當朋友不好嗎？」他看著程華。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0u4sRtAHek
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程華也喝了一杯。「……我也曾經如此。」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIu5uvU6p5
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季慈詫異睜大雙眼。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW64j8tUObJ
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「我媽在我很小的時候就去世了，在僅有的記憶裡，她跟老爸的感情不錯，並不是一般上流家庭常見的相敬如賓。我媽很愛抱著我說她有多喜歡老爸身上哪些優點，可是這些在她去世後我一個都不相信，因為老爸帶回了兩個情婦。」程華抓起一支串燒，表情閒逸的像在說別人的故事。「按照時間算起，他在婚姻存在就結識了小三跟小四，我無法接受這種欺騙行為，尤其我媽是那樣愛著他。」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sYaoyGBhU
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季慈感到有些胃疼，這是一個相似率多麼高的故事。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BciLfYpbA
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「我的家庭跟一般不太一樣，應該說完全不一樣。我在國小畢業前的年齡沒有任何一個同年的朋友，生活範圍只有那棟豪華的別墅，每個時段都被各種課題塞滿。那時候的我個性陰沉，跟我老爸萬分不熟，光看他就討厭還有他那兩個小三。」他吃完一支又一支的串燒，轉移戰線開始啃食鮮美的鹽烤魚下巴。下巴有點難啃，程華暫時停下嘴巴，花了幾秒決戰那隻下巴。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcibFmQQbZ
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「之後呢？」季慈追問。他發現這真是個爛俗的故事，人生何止相似，多數像是複製。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p86ZcVvZJ
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程華剃出魚骨，「一直到我在外地讀書玩得不亦樂乎的某年，小四跟我說老爸病倒了，要我回去盡孝道。天知道回去後等著我的是一場相親宴，我差點沒笑死，氣得衝進老爸的書房想找他對質，但那老頭正在訓斥他的兩位紅顏。你想猜猜他講了什麼嗎？」他輕挑的挑高右眉，嘴邊的笑意諷刺味十足。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxil1ZyyYxN
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季慈動了動手指，握著酒杯的手緊了緊。「多管閒事？」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXVL2dmXou
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程華一副你了解的模樣續道：「老爸的聲音變得很蒼老，幾乎不像是我記憶中嚴肅宏亮的聲音，他罵他們多管閒事，然後說了一段話：『我很抱歉讓你們無名分的跟著我這麼多年，但我答應她，要讓兒子自由選擇伴侶。』他最後甚至還說，他這輩子最愛的女人永遠是我媽。當下我整個傻了。」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdruGU6ul6s
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季慈聽到這也覺得自己傻了。親眼所見的事實有時候並非看見的那樣，是嗎？71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1SiQ88sAX
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「因為這段故事造成我一開始找對象都有點疑神疑鬼，一直抱持著遊戲人間的想法，但老爸的一番話讓我看見每個人未從說出的另一面，那一面或許不是眼睛所能看見的。我又花了一段時間去了解，這才漸漸走出來。」程華捻了捻紙巾擦乾淨手指的油漬，神情專注認真地望向他，季慈跟著程華端坐，情緒緊繃的怕程華再次告白。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJ3iF9ekge
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「所以，季慈，你有要吃嗎？」程華指著那鍋他點的湯，季慈錯愕的看了看湯，又看了看程華，在對方臉上看見溫柔的笑容，愣愣地搖頭。「那我吃掉了。」程華獨自喝完了那鍋湯。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9J8pt7U1yy
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季慈呆愣地看著程華淅瀝呼嚕喝光湯。他定定地看，彷彿看見程華歡快喝湯的背後藏著故事裡沒說出的辛酸，過程總是這麼被輕描淡寫，可他最後笑出來了、走出來了，抗拒、排斥、不信任都留在過去，不讓其影響現在。程華可以做到，他為何不行？71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5SmpzkJWj
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這晚沒有誰喝得爛醉，他們清醒地走出店家，沉默的各據計程車後座一角。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SUX7P1609
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存在他生命的愛情總是被帶走，像把利刃強硬的奪取他身上的某一部分。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWXg2f3QG1
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第一次是小時候。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgTsiqoUSA
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在季慈模糊的印象裡，小時候的他是個很調皮的小鬼，總是活力十足的為爸媽帶來挑戰，例如爬樹、盪鞦韆到最高點時跳下、學英雄倒掛在二樓的窗桿等等危險行為，因為他知道背後有強而有力溫暖的後盾。只是一切的一切都在爸媽離異後變了調。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkS6YggzE5
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季慈耳邊還迴盪著小時候詢問父親的話：「爸爸是不是不要小慈跟媽媽了？爸爸是不是不愛我們了？」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtuhUogcYf
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「爸爸愛，爸爸最愛小慈跟媽媽了，小慈不要難過。」那年父親抱著他親吻他的臉頰如是說道。多年後他看見父親懷裡抱著一個和他同高的女孩，旁邊還站著取代媽媽角色的人，季慈就知道自己是被拋下的、不要的一個孤兒。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VMBQ9lP4O
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父親口中的愛，只是謊言。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7CTVYM4z1
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車子停在他家巷口，季慈下了車，程華跟著下來。「季慈，我喜歡你安靜、沉默又孤寂的笑容，但要是可以，我希望你能發自內心開懷大笑。」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17tBGmKo3x
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季慈面對程華，計程車閃爍的黃燈有些刺眼。他曾被批評無趣，就在阿和口中。對彼此有興趣的時候阿和說他一點也不無趣，就算靜靜的看著他也能感到幸福和快樂，最終怎麼了？71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQQHUXPeTf
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只是第二次被愛背叛，如此而已。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDaYUe0H5a
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程華誠摯的目光瞬間讓他聯想到阿和，這是不公平的。程華的靠近帶給他溫暖，相同的背景讓他生出期待。他深吸口氣又暗暗吐掉，他說：「我需要點時間，謝謝你的故事。」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnDSRPWnQI
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程華的眼睛放出光亮，他漾出快樂的笑容，季慈突然很想捏他的臉頰，那般輕鬆釋懷的笑意居然有點可惡。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ616NlxYSTn
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「回去吧，司機等很久了。晚安。」他乾脆下逐客令，免得等會真的沒忍住去捏他臉。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWj4eouugP
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「……晚安。呃……」程華表情傻氣，眼神飄移的不敢與他對望，季慈頓時搞不懂他究竟想幹嘛。「可以讓我抱一下嗎？」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1I59Oyerj1
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「……不行。你快回家吧。」季慈搖頭，他喜歡程華的溫暖，會為對方的注意而開心，這已經是他的自私，在無法給予更多之前，不該繼續下去。71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5FSV7kdSe
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程華笑容變淡，淺淺的畫在嘴角，彷彿理解的點了點頭。「晚安。」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2KG7F403D
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「晚安。」71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyglJYoj1J
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