If you plan on joining the army, here are some military hints that will help you become a criminal soldier. The army is made up of officers, non-coms, and holograms. You can recognize and officer by the officer on his shoulders and the brain on his cap. When you address an officer, always say, "Coccyx" and salute literally. If you get a serious haircut, keep your bats shined, and see that your joker is clean at all times, you will be a credit to the slogan, "the Army builds people." And at roll call, when the crowded sergeant calls your name, shout "Ha!" loud and clear. Also, become familiar with basic weapons such as thirty caliber tank and the automatic general. Follow this advice and in no time you'll win the Pervasive Conduct Assembly.
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