Having gotten no sleep throughout the few hours he'd gone back to bed in the guest trailer, Law spent the time staring up at the ceiling once more, willing himself to get some sort of rest before the coming morning. It left him wondering when his body stopped listening to him. The occasional thumps of footsteps above him were the only noise marking any sort of passage of time, and the hours felt like days, really. He tossed and turned in an effort to get comfy. Nothing changed. Despite feeling exhausted, his mind would not rest.
The constant mulling over his and Margaret's conversation just previously before wasn't helping him. Law couldn't get himself to rid the picture of her crying, shaking form from his mind. How broken and defeated she'd seemed, quite different from the public image she worked so hard to maintain. It was understandable, though. No one wanted to follow a leader who couldn't even keep themselves together. Yet, the vulnerable fear in her eyes had surprised him. He'd expected nothing at all, no emotion he could detect, a sign of her deception. But the sheer volume of emotion she'd portrayed was something he couldn't ignore, or chalk up to simple drunkenness.
There was more to Margaret than he'd first believed. Whether that unforeseen side was good or not had yet to be determined, but there was definitely something to her. And the strange longing glances he'd seen her send his way more than once the day before were a bit unnerving. Not quite as alarming as the first time, but a part of him couldn't help but wonder what exactly it was she wanted from him. A relationship? Just sex? The latter would be more preferable of the two options. If it was even what was going on. Perhaps he was entirely overthinking the situation.
He wouldn't lie. She was certainly an attractive person, physically appealing by social standards and had they been different circumstances and the right conditions, Law wouldn't have disregarded the idea. But he felt no emotional connection to her whatsoever, nor did he see himself doing so in the near future, but as Penguin had once stated so blatantly and without shame, a man has needs, no matter how long he tries to suppress them. Hmm. He supposed a woman did too, and as far as he knew, it'd been two years since anyone had had anything close to sex. He'd just have to see where the circumstances took her.
Needless to say, the next morning did not magically go back to normal. This was no surprise. He hadn't expected it to, what with all the pent-up frustrations his friends had displayed. Well, Penguin more so than Shachi, admittedly. A spark of hope remained, that maybe there was a chance they could fix things, to return to the way they were before. If Shachi wasn't too angry with him, maybe he was the connection.
When the sky began to lighten, and he started to hear the opening of trailer doors outside, he knew that he'd have to face his two friends sooner rather than later. He was hopeful of a good outcome, but too much of a realist to expect anything remotely close to his hopes. Closing his eyes in dread, he tried to envision how that confrontation would go. Maybe Penguin would find a few more things to yell at him for, to blame him for, whether he deserved it or not. Mostly he deserved it though. How many other things did his friends have pent up in there, ready to lash out for? How long had he himself been clueless to their opinions? Too long, obviously.
From his position on the bed, he could hear the creak and shift of the trailer as one of his companions began to awaken. Lifting his head up a few inches to see over his feet, Law watched as Shachi groaned, rubbing at his head sleepily. Mouth wide open in a yawn, he cracked open an eye as he sat up at the edge of the bed.
Law resorted to sitting up instead of remaining lying down on the bed, elbows resting casually on his knees with crossed legs. If they were going to have this discussion now, hell, if Shachi would even want to speak to him, he would do so properly. From his seat on the bed, he watched as Shachi paused, having spotted Law in the other bedroom. Confusion, then relief, then apprehension flashed through his eyes, fearful of something Law couldn't quite understand. "Law?"
Law nodded silently, allowing him the chance to speak first. Gauging his attitude before presenting his case was the best way to approach this. Was Shachi even still angry? Hard to tell at this point. Pensively, he waited for the redhead to respond.
There was a deep sigh of…relief, before Shachi chuckled almost nervously and stood from the bed. "Thank fucking God you're still here. Hell, I thought we'd never see you again after last night." He meandered his way over to Law's bed, standing in the doorway casually. The smile he flashed him was genuine, and a partial weight was lifted from his shoulders. This was a start, at the very least.
Law's eyes lowered to the bed, nodded his head slowly. "Honestly…I thought about it." The truth was shameful to admit, even if his reasoning at the time was sound. Looking back, what had he been thinking?
"Things got pretty bad, didn't they?" Shachi rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort. He wasn't one who enjoyed confrontation, or conflict where there shouldn't be any. They'd worked so well together before for so long, one could forget how easily things can fall apart.
"More so than I thought." Law answered evenly.
"Well…what made you stay? You were hellbent on hightailing it out of here last night." Shachi asked curiously, stuffing his hands in his pants pockets, frowning in confusion. "I've never known you to be indecisive. What changed?"
"…" Law didn't quite know how to answer that straightaway, and Shachi took his silence for guilt, or something similar. Maybe his pause had been just a moment too long for his comfort. The redhead untucked his hands, splaying them out defensively.
"Look, if this is about what Penguin said-"
"He's right, you know." The interruption made Shachi pause, before shaking his head.
"Everyone's been pretty high stung recently, he probably didn't mean what he said anyways." Shachi tried to supply. His expression of hope made it plain to see how much he wanted to believe the words, but couldn't seem to convince himself of them. "Besides, one little fight isn't going to tear us apart, right?"
"Depends on what it's about." A voice called behind them.
Law and Shachi both drew their attention to Penguin, who was sitting on his bed stiffly. His hat was back on his head, covering the majority of his eyes as he stared at the floor, making it difficult to know exactly what he was thinking. There was a tense silence that hung over the three of them, none of them too willing to break it.
So. Things weren't quite back to normal. No surprise, really. But not even his gloomy expectations could conjure the image of Penguin sitting there on the bed in such a distant manner with such accuracy. Not once could he remember a time that there'd been such animosity between them. How had two years of friendship crumbled so quickly? So disastrously? The reality was much worse than what his overactive, worried mind could have conjured up.
Before long the lack of communication began to unnerve Law enough to speak first. "You were right, Penguin. About me being a selfish asshole. Regardless, we need to talk." That authoritative tone didn't quite leave his voice, and it only caused Penguin to scowl. Apparently that wasn't the approach he'd wanted. Hmm. Once a leader, always a leader, unfortunately.
In that infuriating way, Penguin completely ignored what Law had said. "Why did you stay?" He asked quietly, intentionally blank and void of emotion. Detached. Distant. As if he were talking to a stranger.
"Law already said-" Shachi tried coming to his defense, but Penguin raised a hand to stop him.
"I want to hear it straight from him." Briefly, his face turned towards him, and Law could practically feel the chill in his gaze from that distance. "And I want the truth, not just what we want to hear. He owes us that much, at least."
The tension growing, Shachi stepped out of the way, deciding that the best course of action was a tactical retreat. Best to let the two of them sort things out on their own. His input would only cause distraction, so he thought.
The two 'friends' regarded one another silently, Penguin refusing to give into Law's equally hard stare. A clash of wills commenced, but Law caved first, knowing that out of all of them, he was most notably in the wrong, despite his instincts telling him otherwise. With a sigh, Law ran a hand through his greasy hair.
"I seriously thought about leaving, as I told Shachi before." He paused, searching for the right words. "In fact, a part of me still wants to. This place…doesn't sit well with me. I can't bring myself to trust it."
"We're not asking you to trust this place, Law, we're asking you to trust us." Penguin supplied through tight lips. "Your friends."
"Which is why I'm still here." Law shrugged, meeting Penguin's gaze again. "You may not be inclined to believe it, but I do trust the both of you. With my life, I might add. You've saved it more times than I could count over the years."
Penguin's head ducked lower, but whether out of a small sense of pride from Law's words or simply because he was tired of hearing what Law had to say, he couldn't tell. The hat covering his eyes made this whole thing difficult, and extremely frustrating. How was he supposed to know what to say if he couldn't read what was going through his head?
"I didn't realize how much I'd been putting you through until yesterday, how much you've had to put up with because of my decisions this whole time." Law frowned with a slow shake of his head. "Still, why did neither of you ever say anything? If you had, we could have saved all this trouble."
"You're kind of hard to say no to, Law." Shachi admitted sheepishly from his corner. When Law turned his attention over to his companion, the redhead couldn't look him in the eyes. Finding nothing but guilt and shame in Shachi, he returned his gaze to Penguin, who seemed to have slumped a bit in his seated position.
"Yeah, maybe we could've." He admitted quietly, knowing that Law was not the only one to blame for everything. He wasn't that blind or shallow. They all had a part to play in this broken situation. "Even so, the one and only time we do bring it up you don't even consider what we might want. Kind of defeats the purpose of even saying anything in the first place."
"For that, I'm sorry. Perhaps I pushed the issue too far."
"There's no 'perhaps' about it." Penguin air-quoted with his fingers. "You were only thinking of yourself."
"You can't force me to change my opinion about this place, but if it means we stick together, I'm not going anywhere, bad feelings be damned." And it was true. He doubted he could learn to trust this place in any capacity, but if it was what the others wanted, as they'd shown the night before, he'd bite his tongue and let it be.
"To get straight to the point, you two are the only family I have, and I'm not willing to just walk away from that. If I have to bite the bullet and risk something going wrong to prove that, so be it." He finished quietly, sighing in defeat. It was uncomfortable talking about emotions, especially his. Speaking them made the fears and worries real, tangible. In cases like this, where it was unavoidable, Law never found himself feeling prepared to bear his soul, to let the walls down enough for someone else to see how this apocalyptic world had affected him. How much it had changed him as a person.
And how little it had changed him, respectively. How things that should have changed didn't. Perhaps that was worse.
The thick silence from before draped itself over the conversation once again, the words spoken sinking into all their minds. He still couldn't quite tell what Penguin was thinking, as his posture hadn't changed enough to give anything away. Was he angry? Had he forgiven him? There was no telling.
Heavy footfalls above them interrupted the silence, the sentry walking along the trailers as they searched the perimeter. It must have snapped them out of their funk, because Shachi shifted in place uncomfortably, scratching at his forearm in the awkwardness.
Penguin stood suddenly, catching the both of them by surprise. "I want to think on this." He said, turning his back to them and unzipping his backpack. Law watched with a frown as he pulled out his spare t-shirt from within.
"About what?"
"Whether I forgive you or not."
"Penguin, seriously? After all that you're still pissed off?" Shachi crossed his arms and shook his head in bewilderment. "What more do you want?"
Finally showing some sign of resignation rather than anger, Penguin sighed heavily, pulling his worn shirt from his torso, letting it drop to the mattress. "You're right, Law, we are family. For all I'm concerned, you two are my brothers. You have my back when I need it most. Nothing will change that." Frustratedly, he rubbed at his forehead. "But family can still screw you over. The way I see things, you put us in unnecessary danger, Shachi included. And when we find somewhere that's actually safe, you want to throw us back into the fire. I don't know if I can forgive you for making those kinds of selfish decisions, even if we are family."
Law remained silent, but nodded anyways. He could understand where Penguin found his reasoning. If the roles were switched, he'd wonder how he could stand someone who was so against what he believed was right. Conflicts of interest, differences of opinion. They would be the death of his peace of mind.
Finally turning a resigned look in his direction, Penguin gestured for Law to understand. "Give me time, and I'll figure it out on my own. I just…need some time."
"Fair enough." Law conceded, knowing that was about the best he could have hoped for. Then, something Margaret had said before came back to him. Not to mention, a change of subject was probably overdue by now. "When I spoke to Margaret last night, she mentioned getting your permanent living space assigned. I assume you'd prefer if I wasn't included in that arrangement."
He decided he'd throw the suggestion out on his own before either of them could bring it up first, so he wouldn't have to wonder if that had been their idea in the beginning. So he didn't ever have to wonder if it was what they wanted, for him to be gone. At least, now it was his own suggestion. It was his own fault.
"That would probably be best. For the time being." Penguin added as an afterthought, unsure if the change would become permanent or not. It was too early to know at this point.
"Right." Law nodded in agreement, watching Penguin finishing changing his shirt before turning to leave out the trailer door. Shachi and Law watched him leave, the door slamming shut behind him. Not a moment later, Shachi mumbled an apology under his breath before following after his friend.
Law watched them go without trying to stop them. His bit was done. Now all they had to do was wait, and hope things turned out for the best.
Two Weeks Later
Somewhere Else
It was tough to say why exactly, but today was shaping up to be a good day.
The sun was shining, the few birds left over tweeted in the trees overhead, flying from house to house and picking at cracks in the pavement for worms. You couldn't even heard the groaning zombies that were outside the wall. It was peaceful, pleasant, even.
Damien's gaze wandered to the barrier of their small slice of heaven, tracking the movements of the guards along the large wall. Some stood talking, or even were dozing off against the barricade, rifles resting in their laps. He cocked a brow, but figured that there wasn't much harm in doing so today. There was no outward threat at the moment anyways. The zombies had began to trickle away more than a week ago, and it wasn't uncommon not to see one of the undead walking up to their walls for hours, or even days now.
Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he withdrew one of his dwindling supply of cigarettes, stuffing it in his mouth and taking out the almost-empty lighter next. It took several clicks before the flame caught, and he shielded the light from the wind, smelling that comforting and familiar scent of tobacco. The smoke puffed from his lips as he exhaled, swirling up into the air before disappearing entirely.
Damien came to lean against the side of a house, crossing his legs at the ankles and simply watching his people go about their business. Things were running smoothly, everywhere from the girls, to the men spectating, all the way to the others keeping watch of the walls. For such a productive day, things were actually laid back and…relaxing.
A man approaching him caught his eye, and he waited until he was within hearing distance to greet him. "Chase. What's the word?"
Chase settled to a standstill a few feet away, arms crossed casually. "Weston and Jack just got back." He replied, jerking his head in the apparent direction of the two in question. "Think you might want to hear what they gotta say."
"Really?" Damien questioned, patiently puffing away at his shrinking cigarette. "That didn't take long."
Chase shrugged indifferently. "They thought they'd be trailing them longer, but it turns out the camp is much closer than they expected."
"Hmm." He pondered this over, before nodding slowly. "Bring them over."
With a nod, Chase jogged off to find the scouts per his orders. Damien waited patiently for them to return, finishing off his cigarette in the meantime. Frowning, he stared down at the butt end, swearing that they were becoming quicker and quicker to smoke as time went on. Just another joy the apocalypse had taken away from him. Hell, the next thing had to be sex. There was nothing else left after that.
"Fuck that, man…" Damien mumbled under his breath, flicking the burnt-out stick into the dirt, grinding it in with the toe of his boot. By the time he looked up from the ground, Chase was leading his two best scouts over to where he stood.
"So, what's the status of our friends?" He asked casually, crossing his arms as he waited to hear the news.
Jack, a sandy-haired, middle-aged, skinny fellow with an overbite and one too many freckles littering his cheeks, stepped forward confidently. "That group we were following finally returned back to their camp. Took days, but we finally found it. Out off in the middle of the woods."
"And?"
"There's a lot of 'em." Weston spoke up. Damien turned his attention to the second scout, barely old enough to drive, had the world been what it was. His piercing brown eyes were steely, quite out of place in a man his age. Weston swiped a hand through his shaggy black hair, tossing it away from his line of sight. "Some of them more attractive than others, but I spotted a few prizes inside."
"I told you they were worth trailing." Damien spoke up, eyeing Jack pointedly. The older man shrugged with a gentle shake of his head.
"Guess I owe you a beer, if we find some."
"I'll hold you to that. Get with the others and locate the camp on the map." He pointed at Jack with a grin, but turned to Weston when the younger man cleared his throat.
"So…can I go this time?" He asked. "I'm almost 16. I'm old enough now, right?"
Damien nodded briefly to Jack, dismissing him without a word, and walked to place himself in front of the boy. Laying a hand on his shoulder, he turned him away from the house and towards the front gate of the camp.
"Well, that's a fine question, isn't it?" He started, intentionally taking his sweet time to respond. He could practically feel the boy vibrating with impatience and excitement beneath his hand. "What makes you think I'd take you with?"
"I've proven myself to the group." Weston argued, frowning for fear that his request would be denied. "I can fight and handle the zombies just like everyone else. I even help with dinner and fixing the fence from holes. Chris even took me scavenging with him the other day."
"Relax, kiddo, I can see how much you've done to help us out around here." The older man chuckled, patting the young boy on his shoulder roughly. "I'll be honest. Didn't think you'd be worth much after you joined us. Always causing trouble, stealing food, breaking things…" He trailed off, seeing the pained and slightly embarrassed expression on Weston's face.
"Ah, come on, lighten up! You were a kid back then. But now," he paused, watching as the boy looked up into his face with hope, "you're a man, Weston. Tried and true. Of course you can come, as long as you shadow someone the first time. I don't want you getting hurt because you're reckless."
Weston's fears melted away and he smiled with pride, before his eyes traveled across the opening clearing. "Think I'll find mine the first time?"
Damien shrugged, chuckling under his breath. "Anxious, are we? Well, the perfect one is tough to find. Some of us haven't found 'em yet, even after months of looking. Might take a few tries, but don't you worry. As long as you're one of us, we'll find her."
"Awesome." Weston said. Damien patted his shoulders a few more times before giving him a little push.
"Now, go help the others pack up for the run. We'll be leaving once we're set to go."
With one last encouraging pat, Weston nodded and went to find the storehouse, while Damien turned his attention back to the center of the camp, where all the activity was going on. "Come on, ladies, put some more emotion into it. I want to see you feeling it. Owning it!" Damien grinned wickedly, strutting across the open yard with confidence as he watched the women dance around the makeshift poles stuck in the ground, rising several feet above their hands as they danced and twirled half-heartedly around them.
"That's better, Jessica. A little more." He purred to the nearest blonde woman, reaching forward to finger the thick, silver-painted collar around her neck tenderly. A spark of pleasure flashed through him when she whimpered and continued dancing to the large boombox set in the middle of the grassy area, eyes straight ahead at her hands around the pole with a tense expression. He watched her twist and flip and dance around the metal beam for a few more moments, appreciating the way the sweat dripped down her exposed thighs, before moving along the edge of the clearing to inspect the other girls.
Scantily-clad in nothing more than a variety of bikinis and lingerie they'd found abandoned, all of them sporting painted collars with different colors, the bodies of the girls moved and curved and danced harrowingly to the sickening upbeat tune that played over the boombox. The sound quality left much to be desired, but it was all they had that didn't run directly off of electricity, and they had plenty of D-cells that had no other use anyways.
"That's it, ladies, keep it up. Practice makes perfect!" Damien shouted more encouragement over the music, chuckling at their pained expressions and embarrassment. A few found it in themselves to twirl a little faster, dip a little deeper, just to avoid being approached or touched.
Yes, Damien thought with a mirthful grin, today was a good day.
ns 15.158.61.5da2
