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Chapter 15: Donna
I thought Athena could be cool, but she just proves time and time again that she’s not on our side. She's obviously still connected to her roots. Conner’s blood is on her hands, yet she still couldn’t shoot. She probably wouldn't even have killed the cop, but he would have deserved it if she did. The only reason why I'm still even going on this trip is because we're not exactly welcome back at the shelter anymore. Also, I have to take care of everyone. No way am I leaving them alone with Jedrek in charge.
I want to kick her out of the trip. Let her make it on her own. She obviously can, given she’s got such a knack for manipulation.
But, then again, could I have been able to shoot him? I could have taken the gun from Athena's hand and aimed while he was sprinting off. I could have knocked him down and killed him the same way he killed Conner. I even could've made the gun touch his temple while telling him to call off backup. But I didn't.
Scratch that. I totally could've. But I guess I should talk to Athena. She isn’t the only one who lost someone, after all. I'm gonna be stuck with her for a while anyway. I fall back on my pace to get near her while we’re walking. "Hey."
She looks surprised. "Hey," Athena drags out the word. She stutters. "How are you doing?"
"Eh, well enough," is my honest reply. Sure, I'm well enough. I'm well enough to keep going, to not hit Athena or shoot her in the ankle. I'm well enough to not give up on life, but just barely. The worst part is, it hurt way more when Conner died than when my sisters did, and now that I know for a fact I think of him as family, I can't tell him. I should’ve told him before he was gone.
"How well is well enough?" Athena looks genuinely concerned, and I realize she might win me over again after all. I run my finger against the outer right half of my jeans. Don't forget that she's a good liar.
"Enough," I answer, because I don't know. I pick up the pace and keep my head down while moving back to the front of the group.
The next few hours are silent and toiling at both the mind and the body. Bree obviously can't take it. Next to me, she slouches and groans. "What?" I grunt.
"Nobody's said anything for hours..." she sighs.
"Then make up a subject, you goblin." My voice sounds empty and dull.
"Ok... well," she straightens up. "What about the cop, huh? Do you guys think that guy will be back anytime soon?" Collective mumbles from the group. Bree grunts and slouches again. There is a visible lightbulb above her head as she beams, "I'm hungry."
"Tell me about it!" Emma whines, but excitedly. "I haven't had anything to eat since, well, I don't know how long!"
"Yeah, I'm famished," adds Hugo.
"Brianna, didn't you just eat twenty minutes ago?" reprimands Athena, but you can tell she's joking by a pep in the back of her voice.
"Well, I can't believe I haven't eaten one of you by this point," Jedrek complains cheerfully.
Eventually, everyone except me partakes in a lively argument about who is hungriest.
"What about you, Donna?" Athena draws the attention to me. I was trying to remain focused on the journey, but without Hugo as my route teller, there wasn't even a point.
"I'm so hungry I..." I try to think of a joke. "My appetite is big."
Bree catches on. "How big is it?" she says loudly and ironically.
"If it were a person it'd be your mom," I reply with a huge grin on my face.
Everyone bursts out laughing and, for a moment, I look around to try to find Conner's giggling face next to them. That's when it really hits me- Conner. He's done. I string my head down once again as my face reddens and my eyes fill with tears. "Are you okay, Donna?" asks Emma.
"I'm fine." If anyone else had asked me, I would've snapped at them. I certainly could, except it's hard to snap at Emma. She’s so sweet and kind, we don't even know if she remembers the awful first years of her life. "Just, we should probably pay attention to the trip. It's a long one," I add, my voice softer and more relaxed. "Hugo, which way now?"
He opens up the map.
“Which way?”
“Uh… just keep heading straight. I'll tell you when we get to the next turn."
We continue to walk for a few hours. Hugo points out all the slightest turns we have to make, Jedrek chronologically advises to be watchful, Bree groans every once in a while, flipping her hair, Emma tries to make casual chit-chatter, and Athena tries to stifle her breathing. It doesn’t work.
"Where to next, Hugo?" I ask.
"Oh, just go-" he hesitates and unfolds his map. Gradually bending it open more and more, he eventually needs to spread both his arms out to look at it. He first looks with the map in his hands, then in front of his face, then gets down on two knees to look at it on the ground.
"Hugo, where to?" I ask again, impatiently.
"We missed a turn somewhere. We're way off." Displeased murmurs from the group.
"We're going to have to go back?" Athena makes it sound like a question, but the very worried lift in her voice has it come off as a complaint. Hugo's silence advocates, and Athena raises her hand up to her forehead in frustration. "How far back?" she mumbles.
That almost makes me feel sorry for her. Out of everyone here, she's the only one with a ticking time bomb.
"A few hours," Hugo says solemnly.
"Well, will we make it in time? If we go back now?" Athena's voice cracks.
Before Hugo has a chance to answer, I scold him in a hissed whisper. "How could you let this happen? You didn't notice before?"
"I don't know," he stutters. "The map letters are small, the proportions are a little off, it only took one wrong turn to get us here." He looks down. "While... I was distracted."
I have a flashback to that dreaded moment when everyone was chortling. I was reminded of Conner, Hugo was distracted by Bree, and I pushed him to tell me the directions. He hesitated, but I forced him to tell me immediately.
"You know what?" I coolly place my elbow on Hugo's shoulder. "We all make mistakes." I strain my voice to make it sound laid-back instead of choked up.
Hugo smiles at me. Whatever. He's grateful, I'm safe, everyone's happy. It's not like confessing would change anything.
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