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“You really don’t have to do that, Chevalier.”
He ignored my protest, of course, leaving me on the sofa with a book and a hot cup of tea while he started a bath for me. After he’d already served me dinner, whisked me away from the stables the moment we returned without even letting me say goodbye to Leon and Gilbert, and stood guard outside the jeweler in Freedom until my allotted hour with Amber was up.
He hadn’t told me the last part. I assumed.
“You don’t have to go to all this trouble,” I called to him. “Nothing bad happened. I just hadn’t thought about…some things in a while.”
I hoped the running water masked the way my voice trailed off at the end. The way he was doting on me told me he was worried, and he didn’t need to worry. Yes, I’d been quiet on the ride back to the palace, but that didn’t mean something was terribly wrong. The trip had given me a lot to think about. That was all.
The cushion shifted beneath me as he rejoined me on the sofa, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me on the cheek. “You can talk to me, little dove.”
I sighed and turned to meet his beautiful blue eyes, eyes that always saw right through me. “I know, and I will, but I just need time to think.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him. My conversation with Amber had gone really well, all things considered. We’d both danced around the subject of Jack, neither of us anxious to even mention his name, and we hadn’t said a word about how I knew of Amber’s past. Instead, we’d focused on how she and the other girls were doing. Nothing about before. Just the aftermath.
Just the recovery of five girls I hadn’t spared a single thought since the day of Jack’s arrest.
Five girls who knew what part I played in that arrest. As did Adèle.
Did anybody else at her estate know? Had Amber told Matt?
It wasn’t public knowledge, or it wasn’t supposed to be. How many people knew about that now?
Was it selfish of me to wish nobody knew?
Chevalier pressed his forehead against mine, pulling me from my thoughts and making it impossible for me to look anywhere except at him. “Stop feeling guilty,” he said gently.
I couldn’t tell him what I was really thinking. I couldn’t admit out loud that I was vain enough to worry about my reputation when there were five girls who’d had to move to another location and pretend to be Adèle’s nieces to escape theirs. So, I told him another reason for my guilt, a safer reason. One that was equally true.
“I never thought about them after that day. Not even once.”
“You couldn’t think about them,” he said patiently. “You couldn’t even think about yourself. Caring for your mother and making it through each day consumed you.”
“But then—”
“Then you nearly died, and you began the lengthy process of recovering, physically and mentally. A process which is still ongoing.”
But a year. Nearly a year. So many hours, so many days when I could have spared a single thought to five girls who were also still recovering, physically and mentally. Yes, I’d nearly died, but then I’d been on strict bed rest for six weeks. Why hadn’t I thought of them then, when I had been searching for things to stave off the boredom?
Amber was the only one who felt safe enough to leave Adèle’s estate on her own.
He didn’t understand.
“I’d better check the water,” I said, standing abruptly.
He didn’t follow me into the bathroom.
The soothing scent of lilacs rose with the steam from the bathtub, and I inhaled deeply, letting it fill me with calm. Lilacs for me; roses for Chevalier. It always smelled like a garden in here. I’d dressed simply again today for comfort while riding, so I had no trouble stripping on my own before I dipped my toes into the hot water. Perfect. I stepped in and settled back against the tub as the water rose higher. Two days without a corset; two days doing more horseback riding than I’d done in a while. I’d enjoyed the break, but my saddle sore thighs would appreciate the return to my normal routine.
The tension eased from my shoulders as I soaked. The jumbled thoughts lost their voice as my mind settled.
Chevalier didn’t understand, but he was right. Worrying and blaming myself was a waste of time.
I’d canceled my evening with Belle, but I could apologize over breakfast and see her off. Leon and Gilbert deserved an apology, too. I knew I’d worried them with my silence on the ride back. I had a few things I wanted to talk to Gilbert about, anyway, and I could probably find time to do that tomorrow. And Theresa…
I remembered, with another twinge of guilt, the hurt on her face when I dismissed her immediately upon our return. But she knew about Jack, so she’d understand when I apologized and explained.
That was tomorrow, though. Tonight, I just needed to talk to Chevalier.
He was in bed when I finished my bath, sitting against the pillows and cushioned headboard while he read. I felt his eyes on me as I pulled on a nightgown, but he remained silent, even when I climbed into bed beside him and kissed him on the cheek. Waiting. I snuggled up to him and rested my head on his shoulder, hugging his arm.
“When Leon said they’re doing great, well…They’re doing better. They’re all handling it differently. Adèle set them up in an isolated part of her estate, and she really has been like a mother to them. Two of them are taking short trips with her outside of the estate now. One still can’t do that, but she can go anywhere on the estate, and she’s getting more comfortable meeting new people. One…she’s having…more trouble.”
Chevalier closed his book and set it aside, pulling his arm free to wrap it around my shoulders. I scooted closer and hugged him around his waist.
“She was fifteen…and pregnant. And she had a lot of…trouble with that. Some days, she hated the baby because of the father—whoever he is—and on other days, she really loved it. Adèle had a family lined up, just in case, but she ended up keeping it. Her. A healthy baby girl. And she’s happier now, too. But she still can’t leave her room, because she’s so scared of men.”
Chevalier was stroking my hair in that steady, rhythmic way that always made me feel better. I sighed and closed my eyes.
“But she wants to meet Matt. Everybody was really excited about him and Amber.” I smiled, remembering the way Amber’s green eyes lit up when she told the story. “That was actually Amber’s first trip without Adèle. She was just picking up some jewelry Adèle ordered, and then she and Matt met, and it was love at first sight. Like a fairy tale. And now, they’re getting married next month. Adèle is paying for the wedding, of course.”
“Do you want to go?” Chevalier asked quietly.
The smile slipped from my face. “I don’t know. That will be around Rhodolite Foundation Day, so I’m sure we’ll be busy. And…”
I hesitated, struggling within myself for a moment. Maybe he already knew. He probably did, actually. He always could read my mind.
I finally mustered the courage to open my eyes and look up at him, to will the words out in a small voice. “I don’t…want people to know. I’ve never…I’ve never told anybody…except you, Leon, and Theresa.”
He studied me, his blue eyes unreadable. “Not even Belle?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t even tell Theresa until the first time she saw me having a nightmare about him. She asked me if she could tell Belle, and I said she could, but we’ve never talked about it.”
He sighed, a gust of warm air across my face, and then he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “We don’t have to go. And you don’t have to get involved with Adèle’s work.”
“But—”
“She doesn’t need your help, and your anxiety may be detrimental to those girls. There’s nothing wrong with you providing support from a distance.”
It felt like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, even with Chevalier’s arm applying pressure on them. I’d been so fixated on what I thought I should do, I hadn’t considered there could be an alternative. One where it was fine for me to let Chevalier pull me down to the sheets with him, fine for me to let him enfold me in a security and warmth that chased away all the worry and doubt. I hugged him tightly and let the relief wash over me with his kisses.
“Thank you, Chevalier.”
“I love you, little dove.”
I smiled and kissed him back. “And I love you so much that I married you, so you don’t have to worry about Gilbert. He’s just trying to annoy you. You already won.”
Chevalier stopped kissing me and pulled back enough for me to see the small smile playing across his lips. “I don’t like the way he looks at you.” He traced a light finger across my cheek. “But I can’t fault him for his taste.”
“Chevalier,” I protested shyly, turning my face away from him. “I hope you don't act like that with everybody who looks at me the wrong way.”
He pressed harder into my cheek to guide me back to his now smirking face. “Actually, I do.”
“Chevalier!”
He cupped my cheek in his hand and kissed me again, and I wound my fingers through his blonde hair, kissing him back fervently. His jealousy could be cute sometimes. Earlier today, it wasn’t. Now, alone with him and his playful, mischievous side, it was. And now that my mind was clearer, I could have some fun with it, too.
“Gilbert was involved with Freedom right from the start, wasn’t he?” I asked, pushing Chevalier’s shoulder to make him pull back a little.
“We’re not talking about him right now,” Chevalier growled, dipping down again, but I kept my hand on his shoulder and my smile as innocent as possible.
“But he was, wasn’t he? How else could Leon have found those ex-slaves in Obsidian? Or communicated with them?”
Chevalier sighed in frustration. “I have never spoken with him about it, but yes, he was likely involved.”
“And Clavis, too,” I continued, keeping Chevalier at arm's length. “He’s good at smuggling people across the border with nobody noticing.”
Chevalier rolled off of me and flopped onto his back, glaring up at the ceiling. “I assume.”
He was so adorable when he pouted.
I rolled onto my side, facing him, and propped myself up on an elbow. “I really appreciate what all of you did for those people, but I especially appreciate you giving Leon your permission. Although I have to wonder why you did that.”
“I gave my explanation this morning,” he said flatly, refusing to look at me.
“Yes, you did. You explained this reason.” I leaned over and touched his forehead. His blue eyes flicked to mine. “But I want this reason.” I moved my hand to his chest, resting my palm over his heart and noting with satisfaction his increasing heart rate.
His eyes softened. He reached out to brush my damp hair behind my ear and said, “For the same reason that you like the concept.”
“Which is…?”
The barest hint of a smile touched those shapely lips. “Their plight reminded me of you and your mother. Nobody helped you, and you lived a very difficult life as a result. I imagined another girl like you living among them, facing similar pressures, and I couldn’t stand by and do nothing.”
The warmth and fuzziness wrapping around my heart and filling it up made me feel like it would burst. “You’re not just saying that to get me in bed?” I teased.
“I already have you in bed.” He slid one hand around to the back of my neck, and with his other, he took hold of my wrist over his heart. “There is another reason,” he continued, smirking as he pushed and pulled me down to him in a single fluid motion, “but it can wait until tomorrow."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUuCNNxIzp
