The lioness and the Lamb Chapter Four
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Jyn/
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I never went after her and it's been almost a week perhaps rationally I wanted her to have space. This gave me space as well to try and put my words together but I never could manage something so simple. That's when I realized I was trying to create the perfect excuse to ease the crime I committed against her heart. We speak but it's less than friendship and much shorter than strangers I would say. Everything comes back on me and I can't do anything to leave this quicksand holding me in place. Three days ago was when I received a wake-up call but perhaps that's not accurate to describe it. If I had taken her words more seriously maybe that would have prepared me but the fear I felt would have been the same either way, and the pain I feel now wouldn't be any lesser. Even recalling it makes my body twitch and flinch like it's recoiling on instinct from every impact it felt.
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A friend who cares so deeply makes a stand against the unknown, fearlessly warning a lioness to cross the line set. But I never believed her words or level of love for Catherine so I brushed her words off. Then one day she found me and doesn't bother with words the first hit pushed me off balance. Even as my feet stumble trying to hold my body upwards my eyes met hers before I even turned to face her fully. I was ready to fight back but another hit came harder than the last pushing me back even further. That's when I saw her eyes full of empty rage which is the most dangerous kind because rage feeds off emotions, but she clearly felt nothing so what was driving this part of her. The ferocity of her attacks brought back recollections of my father, a trauma I never truly got over just buried it deeper.
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I consider myself a lioness but this before me was something more vicious. Much like a panther that finds prey to pounce on never letting them recover. I tried fighting back but she was stronger or so I thought but the truth was much simpler, my fear was gripping me like a mother would hold a child. I could move and fuss but in the end, I'm trapped with no escape which gives even more power to the fear I had then. Perhaps if my father never raised a hand against me fear would never have a place inside of me, but wouldn't I have been even softer as a person. Luckily she was just sending a message and not trying to kill me exactly but if she knew what I did would she take the leap for justice. Either way, telling Catherine the truth is what I need to do before things spiral out of control further. At some point, we as humans should accept our mistakes and do what's right before it's too late.
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The text started in a way to pull someone's attention like you have something to say, a hey followed by several dots. After that, my fingers went into autopilot translating every word my mind wanted and I just watched every word detail what happened that night. Reliving my nightmare and letting the emotions resurface but I can't stop even if I wanted to. A thought occurs to me as the words are typed and I wonder what the cost is for this situation. What could she ask for that would make us head towards forgiveness? Nothing I could squeeze in my head seemed logical or worth much but it's difficult thinking about so many different things. Either way I thought this was a step forward but never could I have imagined being to late, my fingers froze as my body became paralyzed reading those words.
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" Hey, This is Danny. Cat gave me her phone. And we'll left most if not everything behind, she took a flight out of town. She told me if you messaged that I should relay something... Uh, Be free like predators should be."
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Clearly he was in an awkward situation but those words hit hard leaving me confused and even more desperate.
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" Where?"
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" Virginia, but that's all I know. Sorry I can't be more help."
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In this situation when silence is given instead of honesty the other person's hands become tied. She set me free from her because waiting wasn't possible any longer and I still haven't told her the truth. My selfish whims are wanting to chase and I can't help but agree, even though this could easily be the break to end everything. Yet I can't let everything end like this since the entire thing was my fault I should have been less afraid back then. Perhaps I could have repaired our relationship sooner and she wouldn't have left me behind. My options seem clear since I'm a selfish person ill embrace it for the last time and chase her. I will tell her the story of that night and show her the coward I am because the truth is ever more clear that I was never a Lioness, Just a sheep pretending to be something more.
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The flight out was strange because I never left home for such a long trip before. The people walk aimlessly as if no one exists in this reality and the few who act human have fake smiles as they project emotions. I live in this world yet feel more disconnected now more than ever when I see these people at an airport. My world was perhaps too closed off from such things and I just never noticed the actual world around me. Luckily hailing a cab was not difficult but I had no plan and this entire place is foreign to me, So I did what im best at, business.
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" What is your name?"
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" Jimmy, have a nice flight over?."
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" Yeah but everything feels foreign to me."
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" Honestly, I pick a lot of those kinds of people up. All lost looking for something but don't often know what it is, you know."
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" Yeah, I can understand that, I'm looking for a woman with a broken heart."
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The picture I gave him was of Catherine and me On a date, she was so blinding but her face was so clear in the picture.
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" Well I never picked her up but maybe I can ask some friends."
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I passed him some money with a contact number and with the business done I was off to a hotel. Since I had no place to go specifically the drive decided where I could start looking. After bidding goodbye I collected my room and set off to situate myself because tonight is gonna be long. No matter the cost ill find her because it's something I have to do since my window closed with her, so I'll find a door that will open ever so briefly.
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