After class, that afternoon was the only time where the covered court is covered with a couple number of students. Everyone was there including Bella, there and then Mary looked and asked her out of concern,
“Are you all right? Are you ready to face him?” Which Bella didn’t answer and just stared at the distance. Mary looked back at the cloth she’s sewing and let out a little sigh.
After a few minutes, all of the actors, theatre officers, props men and the directing group are already there so President Jeremy cheerfully said
”Okay guys! Let’s do our best! Practice and make the props and costumes that you can make for this day!” then clapped his hands. Everyone started working when Bella saw Mary went near Logan and whispered something at his left ear before she walk right past to him. Logan looks at Mary at his left side then both started to walk away from the court.
“Hey! Mary! Where yah two are going?” President Jeremy called them at a distance.
“Start orienting the props men first! Don’t start the practice without the two of us, okay?!” Mary shouted for him to hear. The President looks puzzled but just shrugged it off.
“Okay. As she said, all of the props men come forward and I’m gonna orient you all! Have you gathered the materials from your list?” President Jeremy declared.
Whilst the props men and costume makers started their tasks, the casts of the play went out of the court and roamed outside the campus for snacks. Meanwhile Bella stayed with the huge cloth Mary was sewing and just waited for all of them to return.
After good fifteen minutes maximum, Logan and Mary returned to the court so President Jeremy ordered some freshmen to run errands and find the other casts inside and outside of campus. Bothe of them are keeping straight faces but as Bella knows Mary, she noticed that she seems to be worried about something in which, she doesn’t know. Mary sat beside her, glances at her then turns her gaze into the President. Bella felt kind of left out when they’re not even saying a word. It felt very strange to her, especially when the President frowned then throws his gaze at Bella and Logan then just looked away like nothing strange happened.
Bella asks herself, Why are they acting so weird? and then looked at Mary and frowned at her curiosity whilst Mary is like avoiding any chances of conversation as much as possible.
After everyone returns in the covered court, all of them went to Bella and began to form a circle with her at the center, by then Bella decided to speak.
“Okay everyone! We need to follow the script I’ve given all to you. As you can see it’s my personal made story and all of you have copies of it. For now, read the first chapter and practice your acting skills and memories your lines. We’re gonna have a mini test run later” Bella said loud enough for all to hear.
“The characters shown in the first chapter are Beallyn, Leandro, Maianne and James, that’s all. Those who yet have to practice, you can standby but scan the book and search for your character and your lines. As much as possible, we need to work on your memorization and acting skills” She added. After that, Bella dismissed them and they went to their designated place. Logan, Bella, Mary and President Jeremy began to practice but the problem is, they felt very giddy about Bella’s attitude towards Logan. Everyone noticed that but just ignored them and turned their attention to their works.
After the practice, they have snack all together except for the four main characters of the play. Bella seems to avoid Logan and because of that, he tried to approach her casually.
“Hey, is there something wrong?”
“Nothing.” Bella said with a cold voice while reading her script sitting in the chair. She didn’t want to eat her snack because she’s not in the mood of eating anything at the moment.
“Nothing? But you’re avoiding me.” He replied, although worried about her, he’s still monotonous. Bella sighed and replied.
“Really, it’s nothing.”
Logan stared at her for a few seconds, trying to figure her out.
“Kindly tell me what’s bothering you. We cannot work properly if you’re acting like this.” Logan insisted.
Even if Logan was asking nice and calm, it irritated Bella and finally turned her attention to him.
“Now will you tell me Logan, how many times does it take for me to say ‘Nothing’ for you to understand? Are you deaf or just a bird-brain? Can’t you really process the meaning of the word ‘Nothing’? Are you really that weak minded? Bella mocked and looked away for a second and turned to him.
“Please, just leave the freaking me alone.” Bella said as if to end the conversation.
Everyone noticed the building tension between the two. Mary, who was in a distance, began to worry about the two.
Logan stared at Bella then as if he’s forced, replied
“Bella, do you realize how unprofessional, uncooperative and childish you sound right now?” Logan asked with gritted teeth.
And with that question, Bella snapped so hard without her realizing it, as if she’s under a spell.
“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! You really want to know the reason?! Fine! I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU NOR SEE YOUR FACE IN FRONT OF ME! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!”
Logan, although holding himself back, suddenly felt like he’s pissed off as well.
“If I may say something to you? All of the people here are very well versed at how you avoid me all this afternoon and me trying to approach you all the time in the nicest way possible even if I did nothing wrong to you. We are not close, yes I am aware of that but you are showing impropriety and ungratefulness as you show your ungraceful attitude and way of talking to a gentleman whose only intention is to endow you with some concern which you obviously needed. Do you expect me to ignore and rejoice the awkwardness of our situation without knowing your concern? Do you take me for an ignorant man?” Logan fired back in his calmest way as possible as he walked towards her, pushing her to one of the poles in the court. Bella was of course in shock of the authority Logan holds before her.
“So before you dispense your awfully condescending speech, why not try to look around and see the astonishing faces of those concerned to you and know that they saw how you reacted from that small piece of pity from a stranger whom you shamed so easily in front of many people?” With that regard, Bella looked around them and all are having mixed reactions. Bella was in utmost disbelief when she saw Mary with a worried face, like anytime she would shed a tear on her face.
“If that’s what you wish for, am gladly to oblige. From now on, do not expect me to treat you as kindly as before. We’re gonna tolerate each other until the play, I hope until then you understand our need to cooperate with each other. Remember that this play will be broadcasted nationwide as per the orders of the school director. Until then, learn to utilize the word ‘professionalism’ ” Logan said then dropped the script on the floor and walked away with disbelief.
With those words, the last string is pulled. Bella’s finally back again to reality. The current reality where Logan, her first love, now seems to be determined that they wouldn’t develop any kind of relationship other than being co-actors for this role play. She’s mentally hurt. She loved Logan and she decided to let that feeling go but until it came to that moment, where she realized that she still loves him after all those years. When she felt an inexplicable pain in her heart, she still doesn’t know how to react, even to Logan’s speech, as her gaze was still upon that tall figure walking away from her. Bella felt like crying but she held it in front of the others. Even everyone’s shocked about what have just transpired and some of them are still processing in their minds what really happened. Mary, who seems to be the only one who didn’t get startled at what happened, pulled Bella away from the scene.
Both of them went to girls comfort room. Bella literally grieved and began hysterically throwing things she can see inside, screamed on the top of her lungs while Mary is having trouble stopping and calming her down. Two junior girls passed by and were surprised to see and hear her. They don’t know her nor want to get involved with her so they just ignored it and walked away from the comfort room as fast as possible.
Meanwhile, Logan is still pretty shaken but already calm about it. It’s the first time for Bella to shout and be angry at him. It’s also the first time for him to be angry at her.
Hell… now that I’ve experienced it, I come to realize that… With apology as his goal, he went back at the court and found that Bella’s nowhere to be found. But seeing how Bella was shocked, sad and scared, he just shrugs it off for a minute then took the violin beside his bag. He went to the Golf field where he used to hang out, when his life is still normally quiet; when his life is temporarily peaceful.
As when he finally spotted his old hang out place, he saw Bella sitting 10 meters away from there. She wears this sad face like she just mourned someone’s death; he even noticed her swollen eyes.
Logan hid himself beside a big pine tree and took his violin out of its case. He started to play a tune. The tune’s so soothing that Bella didn’t even noticed the changes in her surroundings. After Logan played the tune, he took a peek at Bella’s reaction or had she left the Golf field. Instead, he found her leaning on the pine tree where she is and sleeps peacefully. This made him fascinate her. He noticed her angelic eyes, her fair white skin, rosy cheeks, pointy nose, long curled blonde eyelashes, short bright blonde hair and her kissable lips. Her thin but slender body makes her look fragile that you might think she’ll easily break down with just a simple touch. Still the same lady that I… he thought as he smiled sadly.
The sun was almost setting when Logan decided to carry Bella back to the court where they practice.
Good thing it’s already five in the afternoon he thought to himself.
Everyone was surprised when they saw Logan carrying Bella back to the covered court. Bella is currently hugging Logan’s violin like it’s her medium-sized teddy bear. They couldn’t read his expression even when he laid Bella down into a props couch they have lying there at the side. Mary and Jeremy didn’t seem to be worried when they casted their gaze at Logan at that long silence.
“I’m going home” and then he took his bag and violin, walked outside of the court into his black Lambo and drove away. Others immediately shook Bella to wake up to know what really happened to both of them. Bella made a frown in her face before she opened her half moon-shaped eyes. When she looks at her surroundings and realized she’s not in the Golf field anymore, her eyes widened. She got up and sat in the couch, puzzled at how she got there.
What am I doing here? I remember that I was at the Golf field, but how did I get here?? She thought.
Jeremy and Mary glanced at each other sideways, with Mary showing a slight displeased reaction to him. Bella noticed at how long the silence is between both of them, when Mary suddenly shouted at the President.
“Oblivium Absinthe! You didn’t know that?!” Bella and the others were startled at the remark.
“Mary what are you talking about? Ob… Ob... Ob-what?” the club secretary asked.
“No-Nothing! Hehe!” Mary looked around all of them as she replied nervously and awkwardly smiled whilst Jeremy snickers in front of her. Mary glared at the President sideways. When Jeremy looked back, he wears an apologetic face. Both are showing emotions and facial reactions as if they’re communicating.
What are they doing? Why do they look at each other like that? She thought in which in unexplainable way, both darted their glances at her, which made her slightly surprised. Mary then didn’t pay attention to Jeremy and went near Bella and asked:
“Did you fight again? Or did you already made up?” Bella looked down her lap, avoiding Mary’s attention. She was still in the middle of processing and assessing her current situation. She blinks five times and then when she looked up to Mary, Mary asked her another question:
“How come Logan carried you when you went back here together? Where did the two of you go?”
Bella’s eyes widened as she looked at Mary.
“What? He carried me?” Bella asked.
“Uh-huh” says everyone, agreeing with each other.
“And that’s! What we do not know. He didn’t say anything after he laid you there. He just bid goodbye to us” Jeremy said.
Did he found me there? It’s near his old favorite hangout spot. Did he go there to ease his anger to me and found me there? But why would he be concerned if I was to fall asleep there? Why did he carried me back here? Is he still angry or no? Bella thought to herself.
“Do you know the reason?” Mary asked but Bella shook her head.
That means ‘no’… Mary said to herself.
“Well, uh since you don’t know the reason, I really could care less and many people would like to go home now because it’s getting dark, let’s wrap up! Collect the props, the costumes and clean court please gents” Jeremy ordered the male members of the club.
Everyone went out to the parking lot and bid goodbye on their way home. There, Luke was waiting for Bella. Luke noticed Bella’s blank expression. It’s like she’s currently thinking about something important. Bella got in straight to the car without even talking to Luke. He then also got inside of the car and drove away.
While driving along the road, Bella is staring from afar with blank expression. Luke tried to start a conversation.
“Bella” He said without even looking at Bella, expecting she would notice it. But unfortunately, she didn’t.
“Bella!” Luke made his voice a little louder and this made Bella instantly look at him.
“What?”
Luke let out a big sigh. “What happened to you? You’re unusually silent and it’s weird, did something bad happen during the practice?”
That hit a nerve on Bella. Whenever she remembers it, it only makes her sad. She looked down, with her eyes filled with sadness then looks away.
“Yes something really happened.” Luke answered his own question. After that, deafening silence again filled the car. The wind shields on the car door were closed and they only feel the coldness inside the car, which added to more like an awkward situation they’re in.
At Bella’s house porch, Luke finally had a chance to talk to her face to face. He stopped the car engine and turned to Bella.
“Bella, really. Would you tell me what’s wrong? I’m worried about you, your blank facial expression, your swollen eyes that just stares at a distance and you’re too quiet throughout the drive.”
“C’mon talk to me Bella, I’m your boyfriend remember? You should open up to me at times like this.” Luke added. But still, Bella couldn’t stomach to tell Luke what really happened. It would definitely upset him, especially when he learns that Bella still has feelings for Logan.
“There are things that I can’t just share to you Luke, besides I really can’t tell you. I can tell this to anyone if only it wouldn’t get to you. You’re the only one I wouldn’t tell the reason. I’m so sorry.” Bella said with a sorry face and still can’t look at him directly. Luke was quite taken aback with her reason.
“I know it’s harsh for me to say that to you. But you know that I love someone else more than you. You know that I still treat you like my little brother; I just wanna remind you of what I really feel. I’m really sorry.” She added.
Suddenly, Luke was filled with sadness and felt something like a sharp blade run through his heart. It was like he really doesn’t know how to reply to what Bella just said, but he responded nonetheless.
“But you said, you’re already over him.”
“I’m so sorry” she replied.
After a painstakingly tensed silence, Bella removed her seatbelt and got out of the car. She didn’t bother to say goodbye. She thinks Luke is still in the state of mental shock.
Luke, without knowing what to think and do or even what to say, drove away from Bella’s house. While driving, he decided to take a stroll before going home.
You still love him… he thought.
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He’s been driving for three hours without knowing or deciding where he wanted to go. After two hours of driving aimlessly, he decided to go home. Since his gas fuel is pretty low.
At home, Luke parked his car inappropriately on his garage, locked its doors and entered his house. He’s living alone, His mother and father are both somewhere else and only his brother is in the same place as he is but lives in different house. He went to the kitchen and grabs a meal and four cans of beer. He mixed it in a big 1.5 liter bottle and went upstairs to his bedroom.
He sat down at his bed, leaning against the wall to listen to his music as he drinks one mouthful of his mixed drink. It tastes good but also tastes bad because of the beer, the beer taste like human crap to his tongues. It makes him more nauseous than ever.
He drinks one mouthful again after one minute. Then finally after one minute again, he drinks one mouthful and the next thing he knew is that all he is feeling in that moment is the bitterness of what he drinks and his situation right now over the deliciousness of his food and the comfort of his bed. He began to cry silently with his head buried under his hands, unable to contain the pain; he let out a big ‘FUCK!’ on the top of his lungs. Bella not only reminded him of her true feelings but also what happened a year ago.
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Flashback…
“I wanna break up with you”
Luke’s eyes widened and questions burst out of his mouth as he was also stuttering.
“W-Why? I-Is there something wrong? Is it s-something I said? O-Or is it my attitude? What Bella? Tell me”
“No, It’s just… I don’t- I can’t really like you… I-I tried but… it’s no use… I really don’t know if I really loved you for the past 2 years of your courtship. I can’t love you. I can only give you a treatment like a friend, a sister… but lovers? I can’t Luke... I really can’t… I’m very sorry to give you false hopes” Bella explains, ashamed to see his shocked face.
“No, no, no Bella please… I-It’s okay, even if you don’t-” he took a deep breath, as it was hard to hear the truth coming from himself.
“Don’t love or li-like me. Just, stay with me please? That’s all that matters.” He begs her, on his knees, crying in front of her.
Bella felt sad and pitiful towards him. She’s silent for a little bit, like she’s thinking about something. With teary eyes, she said
“I can assure you that I can do that for you…I can stay with you, but I don’t think it’s right because I’m sure you will waste your time and efforts for me and I’ll unintentionally let you know again and again that I can’t give you the love you have always wanted from me.”
“It’s okay…” is all that he can say that time to Bella.
End of Flashback…
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He laughed bitterly while crying; he drank one mouthful of his drink again. As he sobs, he brought out his wallet and took out a picture of both of them dating at an amusement park. Bella wears her huge puppy-like cute smile while hugging the pole in the carousel and happily eating cotton candy with him at the back ride hugging her happily. They look like a perfect happy couple in that picture that it made his tears flow heavily. He suddenly felt a pang in his head and his vision started spinning, got blurry then passed out on his bed while holding the picture, while the music is still playing repeatedly, with his tears on his face.
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After eating dinner, Bella washed her face and brush her tooth and went straight to bedroom and sat on her chair in front of her laptop and stared out of nowhere.
I’m very sure I fell asleep on the golf field and I’m also very sure that Logan’s not there when I went there. But how come they told me that Logan was carrying me when we went back? So, he really went there himself? She thought.
In the midst of thinking, her head ached. She then decided to stop thinking at all. She opened her laptop and began surfing the net. Minutes later her mom shouted err favorite reminder to her and her sister.
“Early to bed girls!”
“Yes, Mom!” her younger sister, Ciedelle said.
“Bella?”
“Yes, Mom!” she shouted back.
But since she didn’t want to sleep yet, she closed her window and door along with curtains, turned off the light and turned on her room aircon. Sometimes she wonders why she doesn’t even know why she can’t sleep properly for the past years of her teenage. She thinks she’s so overdosed with sleeping pills and red wine.
She took her laptop from her desk and put it on her bed and sat there. She opened her social account and something caught her attention.
‘Logan Jake H. Walter sent you a friend request’
She suddenly felt nervous about his friend request. What could be his motive? Does he have any hidden motive? She thought. She also checked her Messenger and Logan sent him a message request saying:
‘Greetings to you Bella. I’m so sorry for what happened earlier. I didn’t mean to insult you that way, please accept this apology. I hope we’ll be okay tomorrow.’
Because of that message, she began to calm down and felt affection towards that simple message of pleading for forgiveness. With a smile, she replied:
‘Don’t worry about it, I’m not angry anymore. I was selfish earlier and I hope it wouldn’t ruin your first impression of me. Let’s forget about it. I’m also hoping we’ll get along tomorrow .’
By then, one minute didn’t even pass and he replied:
‘Thank you for forgiving me, but I want to tell you this. It might offend you but I might as well as to tell it to you without much further ado. I think you and I shouldn’t be talking personally. I think it’s for the best. Because it might end up with another immature fight and besides, we can talk through call even if we’re in front of each other or e-messages and handwritten letters right? I’ve recalled asking President Jeremy that you are fond of handwritten letters. Maybe we can try the things that aren’t common at this age?’
The first sentences of his reply really did offend her and it appeared weird to her, but in the end she can’t help but laugh like a fool. Who would really try an idiotic and ridiculous thing like talking through call in front of each other when you can talk to that person personally? But the thing about handwritten letters made her heart skip a beat. She really loves doing those that she can’t help but smile despite her confrontation with Luke. She’s currently suppressing her laughs and giggles even though it made her stomach hurt because her mom knows that she and Ciedelle are already asleep.
After calming down, she typed her reply slowly as to minimize the sound of keyboard on her laptop.
‘It’s good that you have a sense of humor on that “call in front of each other” thing. It’s okay for me if that’s what you think best… we’ll be talking through online even though we’re in front of each other or write letters if we must, although this set up is pretty weird, it’s interesting. Good night Logan, have a nice night.’
And after that, she logged out her social account, shut down her laptop and put it onto her desk. She took one sleeping pill and went to lie down on her bed. She leans at her right side and stared at her stuff doll wearing an old princess gown. She frowns with a thought in her head
Where did I get you again? Did Mom bought it for me? Did Dad bought it for me? Or did someone give this to me as a gift?
While wondering about oh so many answers, the effect of sleeping pill starts to affect her. Before she closed her eyes, she remembered her conversation with Logan and thus she fell asleep, with a smile on her face.
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