What did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? All I wanted was a normal life.
It was an early morning in February of 2022. I had just graduated from school and was working as a paid intern at the maintenance department of La Toc Hotel. My job as a room technician wasn't easy, but it wasn't that stressful either, unless I didn't know how to fix a problem that a guest called for.
It was my final day at the job, and I had been a dedicated worker, always upholding the hotel rules, or so I thought. My shift was about to end when I was called into my employer's office. He began talking to me about a promising role within the company, a permit role that I had been hoping for.
However, my excitement turned into heartbreak as my employer shot down my hopes. I couldn't understand why he would do this to me. He explained that they had someone else in mind, someone older than me, and they decided to hire him instead. My heart shattered into a million pieces.
I had given my all to this job. I never missed a day of work, never arrived late, and always treated everyone with respect. I had done everything in my power to prove myself worthy. But all my hard work was now tossed aside, simply because of my age. I didn't question my employer; I simply left the hotel without uttering a word.
When I reached home, my mom was in the kitchen, preparing a meal. Her health wasn't great, but she still managed to contribute to the household. I didn't want to burden her with the news of losing my job, so I lied and told her that my job had granted me temporary leave due to the ongoing pandemic.
I knew it wasn't right to deceive my own mother, but I felt I had no other choice. I didn't want her to worry about me. I retreated to my room, locked the door, and collapsed onto my bed. The weight of disappointment and despair consumed me, and tears streamed silently down my face.
I had yearned for that job, and now I didn't know what to do next. I was utterly broken. To distract myself from the pain, I plugged in my headphones and cranked up the volume, immersing myself in music. Lost in the melodies, I didn't even hear my mom calling me for dinner.
So, I spent the night without a single bite of food. As the next day dawned, I mustered up the strength to face the harsh reality of losing someone dear to me, pushing myself to find solace in the present moment. With a heavy heart, I dashed out of my room and instinctively switched on the television, seeking refuge in the nostalgic embrace of Cartoon Network, even though I was well into adulthood.
For an entire day, I chose to do nothing but surrender to a state of mindless relaxation. And the next day, I repeated the same pattern. And the following day, a recurring cycle of monotony consumed my existence. As a week passed by, I began to feel my energy wane, as if drained by the repetitiveness of my daily routine. Suddenly, an advertisement flickered across the television screen, catching my attention.
It was a job offer, a glimmer of hope amidst the apathy of my current predicament. I watched the entire ad, feeling a flicker of motivation ignite within me. I decided to embark on the arduous task of searching for a new job, navigating through a website notorious for posting employment opportunities. Page after page, I scrolled until my eyes landed on a security work opening.
Although skeptical about the low pay and mismatched qualifications, it seemed to be the only immediate option. Without a second thought, I hastily signed up, desperate for a chance to break free from my stagnant routine. Hours passed, yet no calls or responses came my way. The sinking feeling of rejection gnawed at my spirit, overshadowing any flicker of hope that had dared to spark.
Determined to persevere, I tried my luck with more applications, only to be met with the same deafening silence. Perhaps, the grim reality of the dire employment rate in my country was the cause of my constant disappointment. As I struggled to break the chains of my lethargic existence, a thought consumed me - did I truly need a job? After all, I had my mother, albeit frail in health.
The idea of delaying my job hunt for another week crept into my mind, conveniently burrowing deeper with each passing day. What felt like mere weeks turned into months, and during that time, life threw countless hardships my way. My mother's condition deteriorated, her inability to nourish herself leading to a frailty that stripped away her former vitality.
Tragically, I found myself struggling with numerous mental issues as a result. Despite my persistent efforts to secure employment, I received no response from any potential employers. In this difficult situation, both my mom's landlord and compassionate strangers extended their kindness by providing us with financial support for our basic necessities.
There are moments when I long for the presence of my dad, but he abandoned my mom shortly after my birth. The overwhelming emotions left me speechless, torn between feelings of nausea and despair.
Despite the landlord's assistance, I found myself unable to repay the rent, and my financial struggles were overwhelming. Dark thoughts consumed me, and I felt trapped in despair. However, the thought of my sick mother kept me from giving up. I cried and searched for solutions, applying for numerous jobs only to face rejection after rejection.
Even attempting online work proved futile due to my country's limitations. This continued for weeks, until I received the devastating call informing me of my mother's passing. My world turned upside down, as if caught in a never-ending whirlwind. I felt as though my life had crumbled before my eyes.
In an attempt to gather myself, I walked down the road to catch a bus into town, when I noticed a stranger ahead dropping her purse. I instinctively picked it up, intending to return it, but a sudden thought crossed my mind - perhaps I should take the money inside.
Wrestling with my conscience, I fought against the temptation of theft, but with each resistance, the voice urging me on grew stronger. Succumbing to my inner turmoil, I took the $120 from the wallet, torn between returning it and fearing the consequences of being labeled a thief. In a moment of weakness, I threw the wallet into nearby bushes.
Feeling conflicted, I hurriedly rushed into a store, overwhelmed with the prospect of spending the money on overdue rent or buying food for myself. Eventually, I made up my mind to use the money for sustenance. In a desperate haste, I piled my hands with various items, the cashier watching me intently.
Though there were discounted biscuits that caught my eye, my remaining funds would not cover them. The temptation to steal arose once more, as I pondered taking them for myself. Guilt mixed with excitement, and I surreptitiously hid the biscuits in my clothing before leaving the store unnoticed.
Arriving home, I delighted in the thought of finally satisfying my hunger, but the reality of my dire situation quickly set in. I realized the food I had purchased would only last for a short while. Desperation consumed me once again, and I contemplated resorting to theft once more.
With no other options in sight, I resolved to steal again, setting my sights on smaller items like phones, watches, and jewelry. Selling these possessions on the black market helped cover my tracks and provided funds for survival.
Weeks passed, and my life spiraled further into the criminal underworld and a relentless struggle I must endure to survive this merciless world. I find myself here, locked in the gaze of this camera, compelled to share the devastating tale that has consumed my life.
My name is Dylan Rogers, now a heartrending 39 years old, shackled by the impending weight of a life sentence in prison. As I reflect upon my treacherous journey, I am filled with remorse and sorrow for the lives I have stolen from - my once-trusted landlord, my neighbors, and the innocent businesses I plundered.
To each one of you, I offer my sincerest apologies, though mere words can never truly express the depths of my remorse. I also extend my deepest gratitude to those who extended their kindness when my own mother fell ill - your unwavering support was a beacon of hope in dark times. Now, as I stand on the precipice of a bleak future, I bid you all a harrowing farewell.
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--The END--
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