You don’t love me anymore… Please love me… Please… Where did you go?
Johnny’s eyes widened as he re-read the note. It was always the same and he never got any new meaning from it. It was Jenna’s prissy neat handwriting.
Then he was taken back to a time that was repressed; pushed deep inside, so that he had almost forgotten. This note had a twin; a twin message that stretched back in time twenty-five years ago.
Mom…
It was written on a post-it note in a rush and pasted to the microwave. Inside the microwave was a burrito. She knew that all Johnny cared about when he got home from school was food. Johnny hadn’t read the note and rushed for the burrito inside.
He put on an afternoon cartoon and munched away on the burrito. The chicken had that gamey taste that he disliked. He ate it anyway, but still… Mom knew he didn’t like it. He started playing a game on his console as Mom wasn’t here. It started to get dark. Weird… Where was Mom? He hadn’t turned the lights on or closed the curtains so that his face was illuminated by the blue fuzz of the box TV.
A man was yelling in the street. Johnny lived in a small apartment complex on the third floor. A glass bottle had been smashed. Upstairs was doing karaoke and probably having sex. Johnny turned on the lights and went to raid the fridge. The sticky note caught on the sole of his foot and he picked it up. He read the message.
It was as if the whole world went quiet.
“To my love. I’m sorry. I can’t be your mom anymore. I am not good enough. I’m sorry.”
Jenna’s message read, “I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. I will call you once I find myself again. Don’t look for me because I don’t love you anymore. You would be better off with another girl.”
Even though the message did not imply suicide, it was the only thing that was ringing inside Johnny’s mind. He had no time to think. Even the “I don’t love you anymore” did not register.
He hit the stairwell with his slippers on. He tripped and hit his knee on the corner of the railing.
“Fuck!”
He ignored it and hobbled to his car cursing. He struggled with his keys again. It was like the world was against him. He wouldn’t lose anyone again. Not again.
He drove off and around the corner before hitting a man who seemingly appeared from thin air.
“Fuck!”
He hit the brakes. But the man had been flung a few metres away. He was unconscious.
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The cheese burger had that sort of rubbery cheese that Jenna found comforting. She slipped the stuff between her gums and let the heat melt it into goo. She did this with the pickles as well - except on the side of her cheek and teeth. The sweet soul of the pickle would be drained into nothing, and then crunched up. The beef was good and honest. This sandwich was too good for a runaway like herself, but it was exactly what she had needed.
This felt like the first meal she had truly eaten without thinking about Johnny. He hated burgers. Who hates burgers? Even more so, this felt like a simple freedom. However she ate slowly. One fry by fry. It would give Johnny ample time to come to the train station and beg her to come home. The train station was still very busy with the late arrivals from work coming home. Johnny could be one of them - wearing his green fishing cap. But he still hadn’t come.
Her suitcase was packed with the essentials and none of the clothes that he had bought her - like that horrid scarf he had gifted her for Valentine’s Day. It was good that she was gone. All that confusion was just it - confusion… It was clearer to her what she needed to do. New city. New job. New life…
Zoe sat down next to her on the table. Jenna was surprised. He drank a chocolate milkshake.
”It’s a chocolate chai latte,” he said with a smile. He looked at her with strong unwavering eye contact.
“Oh?” She said, feeling a tad uncomfortable. Of all the places he could have sat, he chose to sit at her table and he didn’t even ask. That was weird. Maybe he was some sort of scammer or trafficker. He was targeting her!
”I thought it would be a good combination and I was right,” he smiled.
“I’m sorry… I want to be alone…” She got up and took her fries and burger and sat at another table.
She looked over her shoulder and he had gotten up and lazily walked off out of the shop and into the train station. Weird…
The evening news played on the television and Walter James came on for a press interview.
”Today, I am deeply saddened to address the tragic circumstances involving my son. No parent should ever have to experience the profound pain of losing a child. In honour of his memory, I am pledging $1 billion to support mental health foundations and crisis call lines. It is my hope that this contribution will provide crucial resources and support to those in need, and help prevent other families from enduring a similar loss.”
Jenna wondered how he was so composed and could make a statement like that. One billion dollars…
“Fuck you Angus!” Walter James yelled as he downed a glass of whisky neat and then threw the glass across the room - smashing.
“Stock prices have dropped 18% - do you know what this is doing to me…”
Angus James stood there with a smile.
”Father… I needed to kill myself,” he said, “how otherwise am I going to exact my plan… I told you, everything will go our way in time…”
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