A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 697Please respect copyright.PENANAZbAg2tt766
-:-697Please respect copyright.PENANAC4GILWV3sb
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE697Please respect copyright.PENANAeS8NEyhYUT
CHARACTERS697Please respect copyright.PENANArxTH2xmPC1
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed697Please respect copyright.PENANA5GIa5W5peX
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette697Please respect copyright.PENANAdkagcv7EOD
--697Please respect copyright.PENANAIA4YQokGEG
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT697Please respect copyright.PENANAOvpJEyDMaP
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.697Please respect copyright.PENANALOMWcmyzyu
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANATenZdg2A5V
We don’t have much time.697Please respect copyright.PENANAYQLurRsN5e
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?697Please respect copyright.PENANAhSEb8ebcTF
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANA994N2ONEWW
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 697Please respect copyright.PENANA3NWxTxYykB
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANAiy9YJfiEVB
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!697Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3btdHs8vD
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANAuYyDanQDEz
I understand you’re upset - 697Please respect copyright.PENANAjxqT7Sn76I
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANA1ZlH1tfzAm
I damn well am! 697Please respect copyright.PENANAhjUBN1cXDB
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANAqMFyim5ame
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.697Please respect copyright.PENANA6zvKSckBlH
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 697Please respect copyright.PENANALGolgKWIO2
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANAV5NgUAc27z
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 697Please respect copyright.PENANAtf2UUuWvTQ
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANARfh248VacS
(slowly)697Please respect copyright.PENANAmnuddj60j7
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.697Please respect copyright.PENANAwjdUNYuynD
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 697Please respect copyright.PENANAlVs2cTuZmk
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANAtCa1JLRIaI
What?697Please respect copyright.PENANACnlhOBD0Zv
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANA7GUEDhTQsi
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.697Please respect copyright.PENANA1jUEnQlCgq
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANAPpxFSEbCT8
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!697Please respect copyright.PENANAv8VOzwrFLM
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANAWdVTbl0bBg
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.697Please respect copyright.PENANA0eONa2YUHU
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANAq6jEl5fiuS
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.697Please respect copyright.PENANAwYGFTIUrLN
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANAMs2HZJvdRW
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.697Please respect copyright.PENANAWCaxydA7Dq
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANA8KxNxO4j64
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 697Please respect copyright.PENANA7tFWuWuu1A
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANAnlGiZRAtkV
That may be the case, but look at this.697Please respect copyright.PENANAv6wWHGiGr8
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 697Please respect copyright.PENANAuzDslg4MmG
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANA68dESkF5DT
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.697Please respect copyright.PENANApjV8K8fFT0
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANAAHC5uwAMeZ
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.697Please respect copyright.PENANAIJWm0xRnhr
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANAZlOssQo8hZ
(grimly)697Please respect copyright.PENANAvQRUnNDhqk
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 697Please respect copyright.PENANATh5eF2SSyV
CECIL697Please respect copyright.PENANAg6bYyg4qy6
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.697Please respect copyright.PENANADJv7v7eclV
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 697Please respect copyright.PENANA4wOTK4Xday
XIUYING697Please respect copyright.PENANAWv3Av3QhEG
Who said anything about paying them off?697Please respect copyright.PENANAXvNlajzFPD
--697Please respect copyright.PENANAMaA7KiCV5x