A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 696Please respect copyright.PENANAcBZND3uNcp
-:-696Please respect copyright.PENANAh4mAwVs8dU
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE696Please respect copyright.PENANAXFfXmKZ0iD
CHARACTERS696Please respect copyright.PENANAdW8QyD0aZs
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed696Please respect copyright.PENANAzW7b6HQco6
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette696Please respect copyright.PENANAGPiLybsrfw
--696Please respect copyright.PENANAJoawCyCX3W
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT696Please respect copyright.PENANAfSM9v6aMGd
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.696Please respect copyright.PENANAmyYxvoIzF6
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAd0yuy1gqa9
We don’t have much time.696Please respect copyright.PENANAqCZ6b66Sew
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?696Please respect copyright.PENANA9jgf9vAVGv
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAfY6VJKzehC
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 696Please respect copyright.PENANATHP8st9RV2
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANAglbOGhKhwr
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!696Please respect copyright.PENANAYC9tFdTuZu
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAwg77rVpCwb
I understand you’re upset - 696Please respect copyright.PENANA1mraM9hyap
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANAlHfkzxfU6s
I damn well am! 696Please respect copyright.PENANAYusBJdTPzF
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAlwPVwKLPvB
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.696Please respect copyright.PENANAgddxJGovzO
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 696Please respect copyright.PENANAFjUHbiWobJ
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANAJs65jArdgW
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 696Please respect copyright.PENANAkIY3yMzSwi
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAgm8oHeEsZB
(slowly)696Please respect copyright.PENANA3momvj6iNS
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.696Please respect copyright.PENANAncfVchAXil
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 696Please respect copyright.PENANAAHFxlHnnxq
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANAwkUnE4fROP
What?696Please respect copyright.PENANAsgypKWohmu
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAiZYSURWZNK
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.696Please respect copyright.PENANAX0Hjpa5Qri
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANAE7IiKvuji7
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!696Please respect copyright.PENANAAeCfp0F78q
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAK6BOfqzUyA
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.696Please respect copyright.PENANARLRXgTKVLT
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANAumDHHYnGnZ
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.696Please respect copyright.PENANA38IklZE3LD
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAlslz1rviR7
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.696Please respect copyright.PENANARGmQz1TU6D
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANA9SOGtwPcMT
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 696Please respect copyright.PENANAQwe5exJJcN
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANANR3xd7vtlb
That may be the case, but look at this.696Please respect copyright.PENANAVpSMmmbXCx
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 696Please respect copyright.PENANAU4BR2NHBOV
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAUxFIJiTLQt
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.696Please respect copyright.PENANAwsf3cK0y5b
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANAcfCd2diOnx
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.696Please respect copyright.PENANAifQV2XPqCR
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANABO0NNFKwpH
(grimly)696Please respect copyright.PENANAQO9ERJSCsV
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 696Please respect copyright.PENANAdnZdJmLq68
CECIL696Please respect copyright.PENANA0WXb9iUupj
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.696Please respect copyright.PENANAVOYzTWyHMz
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 696Please respect copyright.PENANAAKje6OdZvk
XIUYING696Please respect copyright.PENANAKDgrCtS6O0
Who said anything about paying them off?696Please respect copyright.PENANA8H0b4zJxFT
--696Please respect copyright.PENANAYaQeh7nqiG