This time when I woke up, there was a cup of water ready for me at my side. I meant to take a sip, but like it was a force of habit, I finished it in one go. It wasn’t even five minutes when the nurse came in. “Oh, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” I cleared my throat, “Better, just really tired.” My voice was no longer raspy, I never had a low voice, but my voice now? It wasn’t really low but... matured?
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The nurse smiled, “Well maybe going for a walk will clear up some of that lathargy.” I nodded slowly and returned a light smile, “That actually sounds really good.” I slipped my legs from under the covers, I was wearing a pajama like set. I also realized I didn’t feel any taller... I was 5’1” when I was 15. Don’t tell me I haven’t grown any taller in the past 8 years.
I sighed out at my disappointing closeness to the ground but proceeded to the door way. The nurse was maybe 3 inches taller than me as I approached her.
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She led the way to the open area outside, by the indoor gym. “Enjoy your walk.” Was her parting words. I took a deep breath of the fresh air as I made my way towards the one tree in the middle. Once I made it into the shade, I sat in the grass and leaned my back against the tree.
The sensation of the air on my skin and the grass beneath my palms felt amazing, my body is telling me I haven’t felt it in forever, but my brain is telling me I was just feeling these things 2 days ago.
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I slid my palms over the grass repeatedly, curling forward and then back, letting the tree bark dig in each time. I closed my eyes and stretched my legs out, not paying attention as I ended up tripping someone up. “Woah, Jesus.” I opened my eyes and jerked my legs back, the girl having righted herself before falling. “I- I’m sorry.” They glared back at me, “What are you, Autistic? Watch it!” I tilted my head, realizing I haven’t stopped rubbing the grass but then feeling annoyed. “Insensitive prick.” I grumbled out. She stopped herself mid-step and turned back on me, “What did you say little girl.”
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I scoffed and rolled my eyes, then stood up. “I may be short but I am in no way a little girl, you uneducated brat.” I know I felt 15, but I swear this girl really was 15. She narrowed her brow at me and grabbed ahold my top, I don’t know where my confidence came from but I didn’t back down, I just stuck my chin out and gave her an expectant look. She lifted her fist but didn’t swing. I saw a handler not too far away and smirked, “Do it, Bitch.” I whispered to her. She looked like she was moving in slow motion, finally swinging, and I felt a reflex in my body wanting to block but I suppressed it as her fist collided with my cheek and I hit the ground.
“Hey!” I heard the handler yell from across the yard as he sprinted over here, grabbing the girl’s shoulders. I chuckled as I rubbed my aching cheek. “Crazy ass slut!” The girl cursed as the handler pulled her away. “Alright alright, that’s enough Alice.” The handler grumbled, like this wasn’t her first time hitting another patient.
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“Miss Dawn, are you okay?” The nurse from earlier had rushed over with an urgent voice. I glanced over and dropped my hand, “Yeah I’m fine, it doesn’t really hurt just surprised me.” She nodded and grabbed my chin, tilting my face to the side to look at my cheek, “We should get some ice on this anyways, I know Alice has quite a mean punch.” When she released my face I gave her a curious look. “She’s hit you?” The nurse nodded. “I was trying to encourage her to go outside a few days ago and I guess she didn’t like me all too much.” I sighed, “Does she have anger issues?” She made an expression like she shouldn’t disclose this or not, “She has authority issues.” Something in her eyes told me that wasn’t 100% true or false. But I accepted it, not wanting to come off as too nosey.
I started to fidget and picked at a loose thread on the end of my shirt, I glanced around and took in everything I could.
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“I came back out to tell you it’s time to take your prescription.” I looked over at her with curious eyes, “Prescription?” She nodded, “Yes, your mother said you have ADHD. She was concerned that you have been off them for the past 8 years.” Right, my meds... my mom seems to be on top of everything like usual. “You’re scheduled for release later today after lunch. Let’s go get breakfast.” I nodded slowly, but flicked my eyes around the yard again. I couldn’t stop looking at- Every. Little. Thing. I forgot that my meds helped me calm my focus. See there are two sides of ADHD when it comes to focus. The part where you can’t pay attention to anything at all for long periods of time, and the part where you focus on everything all the time. It’s called having Hyper focus, which is what I struggle with. It’s just as inhibiting as not being able to focus on anything at all.
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I followed the nurse to the cafeteria, my eyes flicking over everyone’s face and landing on a familiar one. Alice from 10 minutes ago. The nurse that lead me here walked off without another word, so I just made my way to the cafeteria line. I grabbed a bagel with cream cheese and a water. My appetite hasn’t been very big since yesterday.
I have no clue where my confidence came from, because 8 years ago I would never do this, but I sat right in front of Alice at her table.
She lifted her head from her food and gave a surprised expression before it immediately shifted into a glare. “The hell do you want?” I shrugged in reply. “I don’t know, just felt drawn here.” No, honestly, I was curious on what her deal was. “So... you struggle with anger?” Her fist clenched on the table. “So, you struggle with being nosy?” I bit my lip, thinking on how to talk to her. She seemed like a difficult person to get through to.
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“Okay, I guess I’ll go first. I have ADHD, so usually when something catches my interest or curiosity, I tend to go out of my way to learn more about it. Usually people like me would lose interest easily, but I’m special, so it’s hard for me to truly lose interest.” The words flew out of my mouth at a mile per minute. Where was my meds? She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms, “I’m not some subject for you to study.” I smiled lightly, “I wasn’t saying that. I was saying you caught my interest.” I tilted my head just slightly.
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“Yeah? Well I couldn’t care less about you, so goodbye.” She stood up and took her tray with her, walking to a trashcan and dumping everything on it in the trash and the tossing the tray onto the return. Walking out of the cafeteria. Well~ that was a fail.
The nurse from earlier came up to me and placed a little plastic cup with two tiny pills in it, “Here is your prescription.” I smiled in gratitude and nodded my thanks. “You may return to your room once you’re done eating.” And with that, she left, returning to whatever work she had.
It felt like I was in a strange dream, like my imagination is just getting away with itself. Maybe I’ll just wake up in my bed, only to see I was just writing a storyline for a B-rated movie in my head. I dragged my hand through my hair, stopping halfway down it and just staring at the strands in my hand. “Oh, right. I have long hair now.” I mean, I’ve been wanting to grow my hair out, I’ve had short hair all my life. I guess one very small upside is that I just got long hair in a blink of an eye... a very small and useless upside that isn’t even a drop of water in the water fall crashing over me.
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