寒冷了幾日,終於在今日落雪。
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年幼的孩子在雪裡嬉戲,笑鬧聲從遠處傳來,他一人坐在廊下,闔上的院門隔絕了一切。
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從早晨到傍晚,夕陽西下,孩子紛紛離去,院裡一片白茫,他仍是那副不動如山的模樣。
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『楚先生,空桑的雪景很美,每次只要下雪,孩子們都會打雪仗,玉公子那隻靈獸寒英喜歡在雪裡打滾,牠摸起來毛茸茸的,我也喜歡跟牠一道打滾⋯⋯』
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她撲在一頭野獸身上、與之在雪裡打滾?定當可愛又有趣⋯⋯。
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『⋯⋯郭管家會趁這個時節擺個宴席,一邊喝酒一邊賞雪,興致一來還會跳舞呢⋯⋯那幾位風雅人士也辦起了詩酒會,鬥詩文、評酒水⋯⋯我真希望楚先生也能瞧一瞧這和樂融融的場景。』
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戰國時代紛爭不斷,已鮮少有人能夠心平氣和談論詩文、品酒對弈,這畫面雖不復見卻令他動容。
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她口中所道的一切於他而言有些陌生,太平盛世已經離他太遠,他為了一睹這和平安樂的世界而積極配合,一次次從她手中接過湯藥,在空桑靈力最充沛之處療養,卻在事情有了進展時被他親手毀去。
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原先想好好地瞧瞧她出生、成長的地方才決定配合,如今卻因到處是她的氣息而後悔眼疾的好轉。
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他起身走出了院外,夜裡的雪景據說別有一番滋味,他卻無法細品。
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手中那條矇眼布被他扔在了雪地裡,他看不見這傳說中的雪夜之美,雪深至膝,他腳步踉蹌,逐漸往後山走去。
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風漸大,雪猶落,樹影婆娑,耳邊盡是風吹過的寂寥,視線裡黑白各半,是黑夜與白雪,除此之外他難以辨別,然而腳步卻是不慢。
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越往山裡走,溫度越低,一身薄裳擋不住寒意,出身楚地的他耐不住這寒風與落雪,終於在一處平坦的雪地中倒了下來⋯⋯。
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腦中盡是與她的點滴,每個畫面與場景揮之不去,日日糾纏他,本以為寒風能夠掃盡這些念想,哪知徒勞一場。
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『小伊,妳不夠狠。』
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他的嗓音中透露著一股涼意,他就是要逼著她看這世界最真實的樣貌,朝廷、廟堂、江湖,哪個不是腥風血雨?哪個不是犧牲少數人才能換回多數人的和平?
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『如果狠是成為賢君、明君的條件,那我寧可不要。』
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『妳太天真,只要身居高位,必有抉擇的一日⋯⋯假使有日必須犧牲我,妳也不能猶豫。』
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『⋯⋯楚先生,從那日隨你入爐,你就該知道,我不是那樣的人。』這話說的極輕,她接著道:『我不會拿誰作為籌碼,也不會為了任何事去犧牲任何人。』
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『每個人都是一顆棋子,而佈局者的責任就是善用每一顆棋,無論是犧牲還是奉獻。』冷冽的嗓音自口中傳出,恰如他的心一樣的冷。
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『小伊,輪到妳落子了。』催促著,他終究沒打算放過她,他步步逼近,強迫她去抉擇,究竟該犧牲誰。
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『對楚先生而言⋯⋯』她深吸一口氣,道:『自始自終,我都是一顆棋子嗎?』
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『是。』
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『⋯⋯楚先生也是?』
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『是。』
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棋桌上,兩人對峙良久。
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『看來是我功夫還不到家,改日、改日再來請教先生。』語畢,不待回應,她徑直走出門外。
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『⋯⋯。』男人沈默不語,瞧這反應估計是被氣到了,走得倉促,全無平日那般有禮。
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他不認為他錯了,他不過就是壞心了點,用這種方式教她世界的殘酷⋯⋯弄得她負氣離去,竟是一絲愧疚也無。
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直到進屋收拾桌面的小廝打斷了他的思緒,道:『楚先生,方才在門外遇見了少主,她道楚先生這兒風沙大,要我多替先生注意點,但我瞧沒什麼風啊。』
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『風⋯⋯?』
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正疑惑,卻聽那小廝道:『這兒怎麼有水?』
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腦中一個激靈,他突然明白為何她離去的如此倉促,明白為何她說風沙大,也明白為何⋯⋯
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趕忙起身去追她,卻因視力而險些摔倒在地,多虧了眼明手快的小廝扶了一把,他急道:『快去追她!』
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仰躺在雪中,他憶起那日,心中備感愧疚。
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最後仍未追上她,他站在轉動完畢的萬象陣前沈默許久,無人知曉少主去了何處,最後是在郭管家的幫助下才知她去了現世,說是要散散心。
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眾人不解發生何事,他卻是了然於心。
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朦朧的視線亮著一團銀白,月亮高掛在天頂,恰如那日爐中,一道小小身影自上方墜落,哭喊著他的名,緊緊抱著他,怎麼也不肯放手的勁兒⋯⋯直至今日猶清晰。
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她說,她不會放棄。
她說,她會心疼。
她說,隨她一道去空桑,那裡有他理想中的世外桃源。
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四周的寒冷包圍了他,陷在雪中,意識逐漸朦朧⋯⋯。
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不知何時,耳邊傳來踏雪聲,那人腳步越來越急,直到撲到他身上,他的視線驟然變暗,面容有點冰涼,似乎有什麼落到了臉上。
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莫哭。
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他想說話,卻說不出口;想替那人拭淚,卻抬不起手。
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「醒了?」
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再次醒來,身邊繞著許多植物,他在神醫的藥房裡。
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腦袋太沉,渾身乏力,他緩了一陣才得以開口:「她呢?」
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「不在。」
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聞聲,他急忙下地,欲尋她,卻聽屠蘇道:「我知你不在意自己身體,但看在我那蠢徒兒的份上,還是多珍惜自己些。」
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男人身姿一頓,安份下來。
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平日神醫是懶得多說,但看在兩位當事人要死要活的模樣,他還是勸了一句。這群人沒事找事,都只會給他添麻煩!
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「⋯⋯我睡了多久?」
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「也就半日。」屠蘇喚來一名藥僮,接著道:「這碗藥喝了,你再去尋她不遲。」
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鼻尖傳來熟悉的湯藥味,他想起這幾日的煎熬,正要推阻,卻聽神醫道:「喝了吧,你會感謝我的。」
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捧著那碗湯藥躊躇一陣,最後還是一飲而盡。
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一出神醫所在的藥園,那小廝趕忙上前扶他,道:「楚先生,您可還好?」
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「無礙。」
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「那就好,那夜裡風雪如此兇猛,楚先生怎地到了後山呀⋯⋯對了,這是少主要我交給楚先生的。」
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手中接過那物,摸起來似乎是封信?
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「可請你替我⋯⋯。」
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話未說完,邊聽那小廝忙道:「這不妥,少主交代要楚先生親自讀信。」
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自從收到那封信後,楚逸的心情一直不怎麼好。
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連帶幾個來找他下棋的人,紛紛遭遇了史上最慘烈的虐殺,連當中棋藝最精湛的八仙都被虐個片甲不留。
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「楚先生這手真是精妙,學生佩服。」八仙道。被當成菜雞虐上半日,也不見他氣餒,反倒一副諄諄好學的模樣。
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「⋯⋯不過是重現了戰國時期,著名的長平之戰,此役秦大克趙,往後各國便不再有力獨自抗秦。這攻勢凌厲,為秦軍所愛用。」
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「學生受教了,這雷厲風行的手段,與楚先生先前的棋風大相徑庭,倒讓學生開了眼界。」
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真是⋯⋯該說此人胸懷大度、至輸贏於度外呢?還是該說他單純?
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沒有預期的反應,楚逸倒有些興致缺缺。他其實是想看著那些找他下棋的人,一臉苦惱、煩憂的樣子⋯⋯然而見八仙如此勤奮好學,全然不受影響,他心中微惱。
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接著又想起她曾說過,她之所以能破解湘妃竹中的棋局,是因曾與八仙商討過棋局、棋譜。這麼說來,他從上古時期的迷局中甦醒,還得多虧此人了?意識到這點,心中又酸又澀。
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「那麼,學生不打擾楚先生休息了。」八仙算了算時間,起身行禮,接著道:「師妹有交代,陪楚先生下棋適可而止,莫影響楚先生休養,學生告辭了。」
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「⋯⋯!?」一個個都要他好好休養,結果當事人卻躲他躲到不見蹤影!若非眼疾,他還找不到她嗎?一個山河迷陣下去,不管是在空桑還是現世,逮她根本易如反掌!
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心中氣結,卻拿她沒辦法,待人遠去,他摸出胸口那張紙,攤了開來。
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信紙不比棋盤,棋盤能感知,信紙卻不能,上頭寫了什麼,他不好辨別。
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估計這就是神醫說的,配合吃藥他會感激他的——待眼疾好轉,就能看清信紙所寫,如此⋯⋯也就能看清她的面容、她的情緒。
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(下篇待續)
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