配合治療已有月餘,空桑的雪融得差不多了,乍暖還寒,整個大地已然甦醒,準備迎接新春的到來。
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「楚先生,今日少主回來,可要前去迎接?」小廝一邊整理四周的花草樹木,邊詢問著坐在廊下的楚逸。
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「咳、咳。」以袖掩嘴,他接著道:「不必。」
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「哎⋯⋯好的。」小廝摸不著頭緒,卻也無法多說。
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心中不快,無心賞景,楚逸起身走進房內,心道:左右眼疾未痊癒,見她何用?
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有些賭氣,但事實也是如此,經神醫妙手與空桑靈氣滋養,視力回復極快,然而仍是比不上她回到空桑的速度。
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從什麼也看不見,到如今已能辨物,雖只能看清一米內的事物,至少他已滿足,心中亦是感激,若是這喜悅能與她分享⋯⋯心中一嘆,從那日對弈讓她哭泣,再到雪地那次,想著自己怎地總讓她哭,倒有些不知如何面對她。
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掏出懷中信紙,上頭的字句他已看清,想她時便拿來瞧一瞧,哪知就這樣度過了一個寒冬,直到初春。
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夜裏無眠,他坐在桌前,棋盤又是那日的樣貌,手執一子,始終未落。身旁泥爐燃著,烘熱了整間棋室。
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「咳咳⋯⋯。」雪夜留下的舊疾復發,他可比以前怕冷。端起一旁瓷杯,飲下屠蘇酒替他調配的湯藥。
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『⋯⋯必要時得犧牲任何人,妳不能猶豫⋯⋯每個人都是一顆棋⋯⋯』
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『小伊,你不夠狠。』
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他閉上眼,悔恨湧上心頭,他怎能叫她狠心犧牲所愛之人?
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如同他,不會為了任何事,讓她犧牲。
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午夜夢回之際,她都出現在他的夢裡,有笑著的、流淚的、堅定不移的⋯⋯面對強權仍不低頭,明明已經無路可走還是不願意放棄弱小,這樣的她傻透了,卻又可愛極了,好多好多不同樣貌的她,然而他卻無法想像她的面容。
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想起在秦國,西鳳的軍隊緊追在後,他趁隙急忙送她出營,當時揪住他的那雙小手,纖細卻炙熱,她在耳畔說⋯⋯等她,一定要等她。
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許諾的重量原來那麼沉,不只烙印在心底,也刻在骨裡。
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想一個人可以想到全身都疼,數不清楚多少夜晚,他都是疼醒的。
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「咳咳⋯⋯!」思念觸動心弦,胸口疼痛不已,連帶舊疾復發,咳得幾乎止不住。
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「哐——!!」正感觸,院外的動靜驚擾了他,先是詫異,忽然靈光一閃,他抬手,一招「山河一局棋」,直接把整個院落籠罩在他的棋局裡。
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術剛完成,眼前已非空桑夜晚的模樣,取而代之是一副山河秀麗、春風和煦、蓮池輕舟的夏日景象,只見一女子站在一棵桃花樹下,睜著雙眼,滿臉不可置信。
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「小伊?」
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才一開口,只見那人一溜煙躲到那棵桃花樹後,慌張道:「不要過來!」
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「⋯⋯。」
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楚逸想過很多次,雙眸恢復視力、初見她時的場景,但千算萬算沒算到,居然是種場面。
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似乎能理解,心中默然,但這疼到心坎裡的感受是怎麼回事⋯⋯他捂住心口,不發一語。暖日明媚,流水桃花,夏風輕輕地吹著,沈默蔓延在兩人之間,唯一的聲響便是蟬鳴。
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瞧著樹後露出的裙擺,他竭盡所能壓下滿腔苦澀,道:「小伊,我很抱歉。」
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「我不該逼妳。」朝思暮想的人兒就在眼前,他卻無法觸碰⋯⋯她甚至不願見他。
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「楚先生⋯⋯。」
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樹後傳來一聲哽咽,她雖躲著,但長期眼疾導致其他感官異常敏銳,那怯生生、帶著一絲委屈的嗓音,他聽得分明,心中格外焦急。
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「小伊!」他急忙上前兩步,他多想好好同她道歉,想好好摟緊她,跟她說他錯得離譜、說他有多珍惜、多思念她。
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「別、別過來!」從樹後伸出的一隻小手制止他的動作,只聽她道:「楚先生在那兒說就好了⋯⋯。」短短一句話已是帶著哭腔。
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頭一次感覺這般無力,握緊的掌心幾乎快滲出血,自化靈以來從未如此揪心過,但想著自己的所作所為根本是自食惡果,誰讓他總是傷害她呢?
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想當初入爐煉魂都沒那麼疼,如今她就在眼前卻如相隔千里,這幾個月來嚐盡相思之苦,哪知見了人卻無法觸碰,才是最苦。
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沈默蔓延,無人開口,楚逸正想著該如何化解這劣勢,是不是該把內心話通通掏出來說與她聽,卻聽樹後傳來一聲——
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「哈啾!」
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「⋯⋯。」
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他竟忘了,眼前一切都是幻境,真實的她應該是站在院外。
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紅泥做的爐正燃著炭,火苗帶來的溫熱,除了驅散一室的冷寂,彷彿也融化了彼此。
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「楚、楚先生,我、我、不冷。」被男人抱在懷裡,她險些不會說話。
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方才不過是有些涼,一時收不住打了噴嚏,一眨眼幻境已失,眼前出現了一個胸膛,再眨眼她已經入了他的懷。
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短短時間變化之大,腦袋卡殼,幾乎應變不來,只能傻傻的任他抱入室內,將她圈在懷中,坐在泥爐旁取暖。
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「臉色都白了,衣衫還滲著夜露,怎麼不冷?」他將懷裡人抱得更緊,掌心觸碰冰涼的外衫,又道:「是我不對,讓妳受寒了。」
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第一次抱著她,原來這麼滿足。
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她抱起來很輕,模樣瞧著好小、好嫩,但他知道這樣小小的身子裝著無比堅強的信念,她的掌心白嫩,五指勻稱,指甲修得乾淨漂亮,果真是「柔夷」⋯⋯她的髮不長,摸著卻細柔滑順,常言道,髮如人,有著這樣細緻的髮,個性定當溫柔和美。
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她的一切都那麼美好,她卻用掌心遮著自己。
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「我現在很醜,楚先生別再看了⋯⋯。」如小貓般呢喃,語氣委屈又楚楚可憐的模樣,他也覺得⋯⋯相當可愛。
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「何以見得?」
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「我、我⋯⋯。」
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等了一陣也不見她有任何說法,他就是覺得她好看,何來醜陋之說?
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察覺懷裡的她有些緊繃,他道:「小伊莫慌,若讓妳難為,我不看便是。」他的掌貼在她的髮頂,輕輕摩挲,如同安撫躁動的小獸般。
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她從指縫中偷偷覷了一眼,記憶中的男人已經卸下矇眼布,黑髮如瀑、面如冠玉,額上的藍色印記閃著微光,幾縷髮辮束在腦後,薄唇輕揚、鼻梁高挺,相貌斯文,那雙彷彿看穿一切的灰眸透著淡然,只見他瞧著棋盤,彷彿正在品著棋局⋯⋯他果然有好好聽話、乖乖吃藥。
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心中喜憂參半,喜的是眼疾好轉,憂的是她藉著這次的紛擾放他獨自一人面對⋯⋯怎麼想都覺得自己有些過分,甚至寫了信給他,還不准旁人替他讀信⋯⋯分明是刻意利用眼疾讓他配合治療。
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「小伊,妳這麼看我,卻不准我看你⋯⋯這是在罰我?」他目不斜視地瞧著棋盤,卻能感知來自懷裡的視線,他輕笑一聲。
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「⋯⋯楚先生,不是這樣的!」懷裡的姑娘沒料到偷瞧男人竟被當場捉了,一時愕然,緩了一會兒才道:「不、不過是瞧著先生有些面生,尚未習慣⋯⋯況且,這幾日疏於打理,有些、有些頹唐。」
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說到後面嗓音越發小聲,覆在臉蛋上的掌心也越發紅潤,似乎整個人都熱了起來。
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想到這幾日頹廢極了,頭未梳、面未修,衣衫也未曾精心挑選,想著不過是在院外瞧一瞧那燈火,思念思念他也就罷了,哪知就這樣被楚先生抱在懷裡,她怎可能不羞赧?
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「小伊可是因此而懼我?」他這會兒終於低頭瞧她了,摟著的姑娘還記得趕緊併攏指尖,把那骨碌碌的眼藏了起來。
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「我曾在無盡的黑夜中盼著光⋯⋯哪知重現光明後,怎麼也找不著心中那盞燈;空桑應是美好的,但眼前的一切都黯然失色。」他湊近,唇幾乎就要碰上她的指,他輕聲道:「思來想去,才驚覺⋯⋯妳不在。」
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(下篇待續)
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