Shen had decided that after what had happened he would not be going to any parties for a while, his gang kept asking him to come, but he avoided every invitation. He was tempted to open up to his brother, but lately Chan had been fighting with his mum and dad a lot. There were so many arguments that Shen just stayed in his bedroom when his older brother was at home. Chan stayed out mainly at his girlfriend’s or his best friend Warren’s house. Shen remembered that year he barely spoke to his brother, he was just so pissed off all of the time.
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Shen asked his mum once what was wrong, she just laughed it off saying “He’s fine, just hormones probably.” His mother was looking so tired, he noticed she was gaining more and more weight. When dad was away all she seemed to do was sit at night and eat. Shen thought nothing of it, his mom was probably stressed out about work. She had to do everything in their big house, cleaning, washing, cooking, working full time, helping her sons with any school/college related issues and taking care of their dog.
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His dad was away a lot. When Shen was 15 years old his dad went away and didn’t come back for 4 months. He said little to his two sons, but took great delight in pointing out how fat my mother was, about how dirty the house was, he sneered at everything she did.
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Then came the screaming and fighting. Their parents would wait until Shen and Chan went to bed, then their tirades began. Shen remembers clearly one night his brother came into his room and just sat on his bed while Shen was sitting at his table and chair trying to do homework.
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“What are you even doing?! What do you mean you are leaving?”
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“I can’t stand living here anymore, you are not what I want right now!”
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“How can you do this to your boys?!
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“They will understand when they’re older, they will understand I needed to leave, she gives me things this family doesn’t. She’s young, she has young kids, we have sex regularly.”
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“So you’re leaving us for some fucking young girl just because she gives you sex? You shallow bastard! Get out of this house, I never want to see you again!”
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There was a loud bang and then just silence. Shen stared at his older brother, and looking back they should have consoled one another, went downstairs to comfort their sobbing mother but they didn’t. They remained seated there, like stone statues.
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His brother was the first to break the silence.
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“I hate him, I hate him so fucking much.”
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“What just happened? What does it mean? What is going to happen?”
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“Oh shut up Shen I can’t be bothered to baby you anymore, you’re always the one to be protected, like nothing bad should ever be uttered to you! He told me weeks ago that he was having an affaire and wanted a divorce, he couldn’t give a fuck about us or mum. He’s gone back to his whore and his new younger family and left us the fuck behind! Do you get it, does that compute?????”
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Chan stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind him. Shen remembers sitting there in complete and utter shock, tears slid quietly down his cheeks, his heart HURT, it actually hurt so bad there was a physical pain. Back then he thought he was having a heart attack or a panic attack, but in the future Shen would come to terms with the fact that his father had broken his heart.
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It is possible to have love between you and your parents, it’s so different to love between a husband and wife, parental love is something which is grounded from the minute you are born. If you are lucky to have grown up in a semi stable household then having your parents love is unspoken, its always there holding you up and comforting you when you need it.
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Shen was just left there in his bedroom with this horrible pain in his heart and all that ran through his head over and over was his father didn’t want him, he wasn’t good enough anymore, there were better cuter kids out there, he was just an after thought now.
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It was on that night that Shen understood Chan’s rage that year, he not only understood it, he embraced it too.
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The next day Shen and his brother got up in the morning and quietly went downstairs. In the kitchen was a mountain of black bags, his mother had obviously been busy during the night because by the looks of it, the bags contained all of his father’s belongings, there was also a huge pair of scissors on the bench, it was clear that his mother had taken great delight in cutting up all of his dad’s expensive business suits.
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When his mother walked into the kitchen Shen gasped because she was so pale, her hair was unbrushed and she was still in her night gown.
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“I’ve called in sick.”
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This must be the one and only time Shen could remember his mother ever being off sick, she was always up, dressed and ready for the day before the boys even came downstairs for breakfast.
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Shen and Chan walked out separately, he towards school and Chan towards college. Shen got maybe 100 metres before he ran back to find his brother.
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“Chan where are you going?”
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“Go to school Shen.”
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“No, I can’t think straight, not going. Chan where are you going?”
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“Not to college.”
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“I’m coming with you.”
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You have to understand that Shen had never missed school he was a good student, he was always getting awards for best attendance, etc. He had never once played hooky from school, he was too terrified of what his parents might do if they found out.
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“Come on then.”
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They hopped on a train and rode to Chan’s best friends home. Warren was one year older than Chan, he always seemed so cool to Shen, like he was handsome, he always had lots of girls around him but he wasn’t an asshole with it. He was all about fun, when they were younger Chan and Warren often used to play tricks on Shen, one time they moved all of the furniture out of his bedroom and put it in the garage.
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When Warren opened the door he looked at the two brothers for a moment and then he hugged my older brother, Shen could see the sympathy on Warren’s face.
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“What is this little thing doing here?”
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“Same thing as me, we just want out of that house.”
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Warren’s flatmates were all out at work so the huge house was all to themselves. Warren didn’t ask us what happened Shen just remembered he went and got us drinks of water and then all of us spent all day playing video games. During the day Warren was smoking weed, so much the whole living room smelled strongly of it. Warren offered it to my big brother, but he hated smoking so he said no.
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Warren handed a hand rolled cigarette to me and I didn’t say no, I had never smoked weed in my life, but it seemed like a good way to block out his dark thoughts.
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Left with the whole thing Shen smoked it, coughing a lot every time he inhaled, the more he inhaled the higher he got, and the further away his problems became. The whole day passed by and Warren’s flatmates returned from work. They joined in the little celebration and soon there were beers being passed around, pizza ordered for dinner and when Shen looked up at the clock it was 11pm.
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“Shit Chan we better go.” Shen was high and drunk.
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“Why don’t you just stay here?” Warren piped up from the corner of the sofa they were sitting at.
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“Stay here I am going to call mum.” Chan got up shakily and staggered off towards the phone in the kitchen. You have to remember this was in a time before mobile phones.
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Warren looked over at him and held his arm out. Shen didn’t hesitate, he just went over and tucked himself into Warren’s side. Arms came around him in a tight hug and Shen sobbed a little because this was the first person to actually want to comfort him after everything that happened. At this time Shen was only worried about himself, in his teenage brain it was like he was the only one going through all of this shit. The selfishness of his actions would haunt Shen forever.
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A long time later his older brother came back, his face was grim.
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“What did she say?” This was from Warren, who was now patting Shen’s head.
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“I told her the last train has left, that we are staying here and asked if she could write a note to excuse our absence. She just said yes, but to get to school and college tomorrow.” Chan yawned and walked off towards Warren’s bedroom. Warren had been his brother’s best friend since they joined secondary school in first year, Warren was like Shen’s unofficial brother they all grew up together. Warren spent a lot of time at their house, he was a foster kid and his mother at the time wasn’t bothered with him at all, so Chan’s house because his too, his mother and father loved Warren and Warren would do anything for them also.
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“You okay?” Warren gave him a squeeze.
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“Yeah, it’s just so fucked up, what happened? One minute we were the Brady Bunch, next minute it’s all smashed apart like a huge mirror.” Shen sniffed and swiped at his nose.
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“You stretch out on the sofa, I’ll go and see if your big brother has left room for me.” Warren got up and Shen took the time to strip down to his boxers, he stuffed a pillow under his woozy head. Between the beer and the weed he was wasted.
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Shen must have slept for an hour before he was disturbed, he remembered waking up to feeling someone shuffling their body in behind him.
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“Ssh its just me.” Warren’s low voice sounded by his ear.
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They had slept in the same bed many times before, with his brother Chan too in tents, bunk beds, the floor, he was used to sharing a bed with his other ‘big brother’.
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Shen tried to go back to sleep, but after about half an hour, he was still awake. He was shocked when a big hand clamped on his hip and pulled his arse back against a huge hard on.
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Warren must be asleep, mustn’t he?
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The hard on ground between his arse cheeks, sliding up to his lower back.
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He had to be asleep right, he was having a naughty dream or something?
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The hand which was gripping his hip moved quickly and dove into his boxers. It stroked his soft cock.
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What the fuck was happening? Warren was doing this, he was doing this to Shen right now? To him? It had to be a mistake.
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Shen was ashamed he got hard, that insistent hand stroked him up and down in the same rhythm as the hard cock riding in the crease of his ass. Shen let silent tears slide down his temple onto the sofa cushion, he felt betrayed, this was disgusting, he was disgusting.
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Warren’s hand stroked Shen’s leaking cock, fisting it up and down harder and harder, Shen wept because his body wanted to come, he didn’t want to come, but his body and Warren’s hand were taking that choice away from him.
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“MMMM aah.” He came all over the inside of his boxers, all over Warren’s hand. His hand covered his mouth, trying to mask the sound of gasping.
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Shen was startled when he was pushed over onto his front, his whole body was frozen. Warren’s heavy body lay over his, his ‘other’ brother’s hips were jerking against him so his long hard cock could slide better between Shen’s arse cheeks.
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Before Shen could even form the words “No.” or “Stop.” Warren cried out against his shoulder and came all over Shen’s lower back. Hot slimy fluid, dripped down his side. Shen bit his lip so hard, trying to stay quiet, he could taste blood.
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Warren must have been satisfied because he got up and staggered off to his own bedroom again.
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Shen remembered feeling sick, he was nauseous at the feel of Warren’s cum on his back, he got up and went to the kitchen, he took off his boxers and cleaned up as best he could using some water and dish soap to clean himself. He threw his boxers in the bin, and then went back to the living room. He pulled on his uniform, including his blazer and sat on the sofa in a daze until morning came. The minute his brother appeared dressed ready for college, Shen stood.
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“Can we go?”
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“Umm.” Chan nodded scrubbing his knuckles over his eyes.
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The two brothers walked out of the house and went their separate ways, they never once talked about the situation with their parents, Shen opened his mouth so many times to tell Chan about what happened with Warren, but no words came out. He was starting to get good at hiding everything, he just shoved it down somewhere near his stomach and decided to leave it there.
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After what had happened with Warren and Peter, Chen spent a lot of time in school and in his bedroom blaming himself, it was him, it was his fault that these two men had taken advantage of him. It must be his fault for being a whore and letting them do what they wanted, he could have stopped them at any time. Any time. He must have provoked them, he must have sent out weird vibes. He was the one who was drunk or high or both, it was all his fault.
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Lesson Three - If your parents are fighting, and one them is crying go and console them, hug them, care for them because you never know when you will need them the most
Lesson Four - Beware people offering you drugs, no matter how fucked up your life is drugs will only make things worse
Lesson Five - Alcohol is a terrible coping mechanism
Lesson Six -Sexual assault is not OKAY, go tell someone no matter how embarrassing it is
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