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do you ever feel like you're drowning? I always feel like that. the hollow feeling in my chest whenever I breathe. some would debate that there is nothing in my chest; no beating heart. somehow, this isn't the issue. the issue has always been looking at myself in the mirror. how do I face reality for what it is? how do I face myself? the hatred I feel when I look at myself in the mirror. I wonder if I will always feel that way. no one can tell for sure.
Staying out late at night, surround myself with strangers, increasing the noise around me so that I cannot hear myself talk. When the moon hits the ceiling I always find myself in my bed, tucked in, waiting for the sun to rise so that I can sleep again. I miss my mom too then and how she always gave me a kiss when I was younger. my stomach churns and I go to the bathroom and catch a glimpse of myself. I cannot tell for sure who I am looking at but whoever that person may be; they're not doing good.
I guess in the end the person only wants to be loved, I want to be loved. I want to be loved thoroughly and passionately. somethings are better in dreams than in reality. the moon will say hello again tonight, like always, and I will wait for it to say goodbye again.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
