The Lioness and the Lamb Chapter four/ Part Four
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Catherine
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My night made me fiber rather quickly and sleep never claimed me. I was hurting because of the words that I shouldn't have said. I'm going back on what I told her already which is a problem. I was trying to pull the Jyn I know out of her but I'm missing something here. She's like a light switch which makes me even more confused. The agreement was gonna be difficult but now it's even worst since Jyn isn't who I know. In the end, I'm hurting myself and I want her next to me so badly. Tossing and turning consumed me tell I caved in on my desire to be near her, I want to apologize and feel safe. I should learn who this Jyn is but right now I want so badly to just be greedy.
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My feet carried me softly through the dark luckily her door was open already. I couldn't tell if she was awake or not but either way I wanted to try. With knees pressed into the bed, I curled up so close to her body hoping she wouldn't reject me. My arm stretches across her side allowing my hand to rest on her stomach. I'm a terrible person that I feel so deeply now more than ever.
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"I'm sorry, Jyn..."
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A whisper I didn't expect her to respond to yet her hand covered mine entangling our fingers. The way she squeezed pulled tears out forcing me to hold back from getting emotional again.
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"If you are not the same Jyn I remember that's fine... I will learn to love you either way. It was so hard living without you and now you are here, different than how I remember. I can't live without you again because of my stupidity."
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It was hard to speak through tears which she picked up on turning to face me. Her fingers brushed away each tear that wanted to fall while the other hand ran down my spine.
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"It's okay I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me... Don't take all the blame, you never met this side of me because it was lost. I am partially responsible for this, so let tomorrow be our day to learn from each other."
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It was a smile I didn't think I could do again but her words gave me hope. We had reached an agreement and I wasn't gonna let it slip by or get wasted. Even if my body, heart, or mind doesn't react to this Jyn they will learn. Because if nothing else I still feel comfort and safety in her arms and once again nothing can hurt me. On impulse, I tip my head up ever so slightly to steal a brief kiss.
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"I promise I'll try... I wanna always be in your arms just like this."
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Just like that with my emotions draining my strength away and her arms pulling me close so sleep could claim me.
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When morning came and I awoke she was still holding me which means it wasn't a dream. Today will be the start I can't screw it up this time and hurt her again. I press my nose which is a little cold into her neck softly nuzzling for more warmth.
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"That nose is so cold."
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"I'm sorry but you had so much extra warmth I wanted to borrow some more... Morning Jyn."
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"Mmm... Morning how long can we stay in bed like this though."
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"Forever I hope but we made plans right?"
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"Five minutes then we can get up... I'm afraid I might still be dreaming about this."
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I couldn't help smiling into her neck at her words as I let my hands roam along her spine. This isn't a dream for either of us and I'm sure we both will learn this truth.
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After another thirty minutes, it was time to get up before we slept the day away. Jyn wasn't so easy to get up at first so I decided to try different methods. The first only made her turn over on her stomach and try to keep pretending to sleep.
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"Alright, you asked for it."
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I wasn't sure it would work but I climbed on top of her till I was sitting on her legs. With my hands, I pushed her shirt up while placing my lips on her spine kissing upwards which soon switched to bites.
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"Oh... That is so unfair.
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" Are you going to get up or do I have to get drastic."
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She let a chuckle roll at my words which was a challenge to me. While tickling didn't work as effectively right now I do remember something that drove her wild. My hands soon took hold of my shirt pulling it off quickly and after a few moments, I pressed my hardened nipples into her bareback. Sliding them ever so slowly up her back which got many responses.
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"Jesus I'm up..."
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When I was about to let out my victory sound it was immediately replaced with a loud surprise yelp. Her body twisted till she was facing me and her hands latched onto my breast squeezing which lead to her pulling me down on top of her.
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"This was unfair, you cheated."
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"Yet... You are not complaining it's the... Oh"
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My breath was picking up as she worked my breast slowly with her fingers. The nipples rubbed into her palm before I was released and spared the building desire from taking over.
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"Well, what are we doing that I needed to be pulled from this comfy bed."
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"Could go watch a movie or do some shopping for you and maybe me, you need some clothes right.?"
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"Alright, let's get ready to head out then."
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Now that she was awake it was time to get a shower and get ready. It's almost like high school with how I'm feeling like this is the first date. At least my mind is at peace now and I'm not drowning in my thoughts trying to understand. I never learned how dangerous being greedy could be but last night opened my eyes. It made me see how terrible I was capable of being and how selfish my wants were becoming. I wanted to see the old Jyn but was hoping the bad was left behind which isn't possible for anyone. Yet I couldn't even imagine how much different The real her is from what I know.
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After a shower, it was time for her to wash up then we could leave. The smell of food was invading my nose drawing me in and making my stomach growl.
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" Breakfast smells good, did you already eat?"
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" Yeah, ill go ahead and wash up now then we can head out."
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She lingered just a little longer next to me before heading into the bathroom. I never knew how easily a person could be divided inside. Everything inside of me doesn't recognize this Jyn at all and that's sad but I still do know it's her. I'm sure things will come together in time even if I have to be disconnected from my heart and mind for now. They will see while feeling what I do which will remove the unused lingering feelings for the other. Breakfast was delicious enough to keep me distracted from hearing her exit the bathroom. Then warm air was blown across my bare neck making me yelp loud enough.
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" Jesus you trying to give me..."
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A heart attack but my mouth went dry when I saw her wrapped in a towel. I had forgotten to get her some clothes which leads to much fumbling trying to get them
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" Careful it's not that important they are just some clothes."
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" Yeah I know but I forgot you didn't have any clothes here. Sorry, try these on as for a bra... I don't think you will fit mine."
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" It's fine the shirt is dark enough to hide the goodies. Sorry about the extra trouble also."
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" Go get dressed, you are killing me here."
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While chuckling she hurried off to the bedroom to change finally. My mind is disconnected from me and yet still wants to make trouble creating two of her wearing a towel. Like it was comparing independently how aroused the old Jyn made me feel. But everything inside of me will see the truth and will forget about those old memories. The biggest question is who will be the dominant one if we are both docile. But I guess it doesn't matter since this version of her isn't as sexually charged. If she was I would have been taken many times already I'm sure.
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" Spacing out again, come on let's head out."
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" Yeah but no more silence between us when we walk. That drives me crazy."
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" Sorry I was adjusting and hoping to find boundaries not to cross. It's not easy which I learned a little late."
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" Jyn our relationship isn't normal now, most people turn ex into partner again. We went a mile backwards, so do we need boundaries. I wanna learn everything about you that won't cause problems for you to share... Speaking of which, how are you so different?"
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" My persona became me in short so the only part you met was inside. Maybe if I showed this side sooner things would have gone differently."
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" So nothing remains from the side I know?"
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" Nothing at all, it's still inside of me but buried much deeper. You spoke a lot of truth so it only made me realize I had to bury it deeper."
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" I wish it was similar for me and I could turn it all off. My bad habits are dangerous, and my greed is so gluttonous."
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" You are fine because everyone has a bad side or bad habits they need to function. So where to first.?"
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" Clothing for you."
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She was still a little distant but we acted more like friends now and not strangers. That was much better than suffocating in the silence between us. While I crave wanting to hold her hand but I have to control my bad habits. The Store soon came into view but far more vacant than I remember on a Sunday morning. This just made it so much better since the store was literally ours for the day.
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"Alright let's get you some clothes, this store is affordable but has many of your tastes here."
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She flashed me a smile before walking toward the first aisle which left me to look around as well. Every once in a while we look at each other over the racks of clothes till she disappears into a changing room. My eyes had found something that they must have just started selling so I wanted to try it on. It wasn't difficult slipping into the thin fabric but it felt amazing against the skin.
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"Hey, I heard you giggling everything okay?"
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"Yeah, I just... Found something that feels good and looks good."
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"Well come on out so I can see."
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I wasn't planning on showing her right now but I couldn't ignore how I felt when she asked. With a deep breath, I had just enough courage to step out of my changing room. It was strange how I felt like an exhibitionist.
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"How does it look"
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"Uhhh..."
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Before she could find the words we heard the sound of a guy and woman nearby. For some reason, I froze up at being caught in this revealing outfit but Jyn pushed us both inside. Forcing me to giggle out of my frozen state.
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"Well, I guess actions speak louder than words but I don't think this is the time or place for fun."
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I could see her eyeing every piece of skin revealed while trying to burn holes in the fabric hoping to see more.
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"That was so others didn't see you like this... But yeah this looks amazing on you."
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We started exciting when the sounds of the other dressing room started catching our attention. At first, it was harmless but then it went way south, which makes me think it was that couple earlier. I couldn't believe they were going to do that here in a clothing store. At least when I did it we mostly stayed hidden and away from eyes or ears in most cases. At some point, Jyn was leaning closer and that hot breath was making my body react ever so slightly. Something inside me was finally reacting to her which made me happy but my mind was going blank. That woman's voice was exciting to hear in a way with how she tried to be so quiet. I tried to get skin contact but it was never tempting enough for her or maybe she was controlling her urges. I was becoming consumed by the lust from hearing those two but that all came to an end quickly.
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"We should get you changed and leave here."
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"She can have fun but I cant."
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"Hush and get these clothes back on."
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Once I was dressed we made it out unnoticed and manage to pay for everything we had. Just as I was paying the woman in the other room looked like a mess. The guy had a big grin on his face which all adds up but unfortunately, I didn't get to experience the same fun. This was disappointing but it was building my sexual frustration at least so maybe it won't be all bad. The day is still long so maybe she will take the initiative at some point.
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" So now where to, don't forget we are carrying everything. But clothes are light and fit in one bag which gives us some room."
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" Well we can catch a movie at home or something later, so maybe we could go pick a few?"
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Once we settled on what to do next we started heading toward a movie store. This was exciting since I haven't watched a film in a while and having her company would make it better I'm sure. I couldn't help but wonder what she would wanna watch and with the possibilities flooding my head we had arrived. We moved through aisles slowly looking through everything but we didn't see a whole lot to catch our attention.
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"Well, this was kind of a bust so far, maybe we could order or rent something instead?"
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"We could but we are here maybe we will find something, let's keep looking Cat."
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"You know I think you are right, we just may find something."
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The way I responded confused her but the moment I pulled her toward the adult section she couldn't contain her laughter.
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"What is so funny, these are considered movies as well you know."
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"Yeah, they are but do you really wanna watch amateurs. Let's be honest here they couldn't hold a candle to actual sex at all."
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" Well, maybe it will work something fun."
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While shaking her head we ended up going into the back room which had some interesting choices. She was not interested at all but I couldn't help making comments and teasing a bit.
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"Look at this cover she's... Practicing some extreme yoga, I mean like wow."
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"Yeah she is and with practice, I can easily make your body bend like that, maybe even better."
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Was she finally flirting with me directly or was this just a normal comment for her to make. The idea she gave me was worth considering either way though.
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"Sounds like we should head home a start practicing some yoga."
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"Would that make up for earlier when that woman made you heat up."
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" Hey, it was hard not to get heated in that situation. You stood way too close but didn't do anything."
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"With the way you control your voice, we would be discovered and banned from that store. You seem to have forgotten how loud you can get, I don't even think your neighbors could handle it."
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"I can be quiet if I wanted to or did you forget I'm working at a library now. Quiet is in my job title."
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It was silly using this as my qualifications but it was all I had because she was right. When I'm with her being loud didn't matter who heard me or us since the moment was all I lived for. She brought a wonderful feeling to me each time but luckily I wasn't that way earlier on. I still can't believe I got taken in public by her which was so wonderful but terrified me.
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"Alright let's get out of here before you get any more silly ideas. Or try using your job as a reference for something else."
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She was making fun of me but it was cute and made it feel like we had grown much closer. But we didn't have a movie to watch tonight which sucked. The day was growing darker with every passing second I'm surprised we had been outside for so long.
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" Well, it's almost dinner time since we pretty much skipped lunch. What should we do now Jyn?"
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" Well, we could head back and start settling down if you want. But who's cooking dinner?"
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It was obvious how she was hinting at me cooking dinner but I didn't mind it sounded like a good idea.
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"What should we have for dinner, we could pick it up while we are out still."
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"We can cook whatever you have at home I'm sure whatever you cook will be good."
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Just like that, we headed home for the dinner I'm cooking which even I wasn't sure what that could be. The walk home was more lively than how we started which was great but it also started feeling more friendly as well. Yet it reminds me of my words from last night that got spoken so recklessly. Hopefully, I'm not being too pushy for her in anything specifically. Yet it's hard to ignore my sexual frustration that keeps building because of her but will he ever take me. The better question would be who will take charge now since we both are currently just normal and docile.
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