Nor was there any argument from the Executive Committee back on the Enterprise. But they strongly suggested we all return to the ship for a few days, even a couple of weeks. The bishop declared that we needed a break from the alien starship, from the hard work of suiting up every other day and moving about in zero gee, from being cooped up together for so long. Jean-Luc, too, said he thought it would be a good idea. I told them I would discuss it with the others, and we would let them know. Meanwhile, they would select two replacement.
I called everyone except Riker and Faulken into the main cabin and told them what the Executive Committee had suggested. I included Hosten---the med-tech---and the two pilots because our decision would affect them as well.
"I want to know two things from each of you," I said. "First, do you want to continue as a member of this team? If you answer is no, you can go back to the Enterprise with Riker and Faulken, and no one will think less of you. This has been hard on all of us, and there's no reason to think it's going to get any easier. As I said before we came here, I don't want anyone on this time who isn't willing." I looked out at all those who had been on the shuttle with me all this time. "If you need to think about it, just say so. Take a few hours if necessary."
"What's the second question?" Constance asked.
"If you do want to remain a part of the team," I continued, "do you think we should go back to the Enterprise for a time, get away from the alien ship? So, let's start with the first question."
As I'd expected and hoped, not a single person wanted to withdraw from the team. We moved to the second question.
"You're in charge of this----mission," Caleb Brightharp said. "I'd like to hear what you think about it."
I looked at the others, saw some nodding, and no signs of objection. From the expressions on most of their faces, I had the feeling that at least some of them were beginning to respect me.
"I don't think we should leave now," I said. "I think it would be a mistake. We've developed a feel for the alien ship. It may not be much, and we may not understand one damn thing about it yet, but we know it as much as anyone can at this point. Yes, we need to be more careful, remind ourselves of what can happen, what can go wrong. Riker's a perfect reminder of that. But if we go back to the Enterprise, we risk losing that feel, however intangible it is. If that happens, we're more likely to make mistakes when we come back. There will come a time when we'll need to stop, when we will have been here too long. But I don't think we're anywhere near that point."
Doyle spoke up. "I must disagree," he said. "In part because I represent the Church, and I should argue the bishop's position, but also because I personally agree with it." He paused, and sniffed. I couldn't help wondering what it was he was sniffing at. "I think we'll be more prone to mistakes if we don't take a break from the daily excursions into the alien ship. We're tired, we're despairing...."
"Speak for yourself," Sulu interrupted. "I'm tired, but I'm not even close to despair."
Doyle nodded. "Fair enough. But we are tired, and at times tired of each other. A break from all this would allow us a fresh start. We would come back with renewed enthusiasm."
"No, I think Pavel's right," Garcia said. "Eventually we'll need that kind of a break, but taking one now----It'd be an implicit admission of failure, or defeat."
"Not at all," Doyle responded. "Just a recognition of the difficulties, of the stresses involved."
"You can say that all you want," Garcia argued, "but I know that's how it would feel. Inside." She pointed to her stomach. "Where it counts."
We took a vote. Garcia and Constance were the only ones who voted against staying.
"We stay right here, then," I said. Then, to the two dissenters, "Do you want to go back to the Enterprise? If you need the time away from here, we'll adjust the schedule around it until you feel you can return. We won't replace you."
Garcia surprised me. He shook his head,k smiling. "No. We're in this together. I can't speak for Constance, but I'll stay."
Constance hesitated, then nodded. "I will, too."
We were decided.
I had Doyle and Constance with me when I contacted the Enterprise so that they could assure the Executive Committee that I wasn't making the decisions on my own. We spent half an hour discussion our decision to stay with the alien ship, and another on the logistics of getting Riker and Faulken back to the Enterprise---we didn't want to send them back together, so two maintenance modules would be sent, and at least for the time being, Riker and Faulken would have a security officer with them at all times. No one wanted to talk about a long-term solution, so it was ignored; everyone, I'm sure, was hoping any animosity between them would eventually disappear once they were back on board the Enterprise.578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79UVIaOJ7R
Finally we got the two replacements. Everyone on the Executive Committee turned to Bishop Worf, so it was obvious who had made the final decision. The bishop looked at us, and a half-smile worked onto his face.
"We thought you'd stay," he said. "So the first replacement will be Dr. Julissa Segrera. Do any of you know her?"
Sulu grunted. "I know her. She's a head twister."
The bishop nodded. "Yes, she's a psychologist. We think her presence would be a good precaution, and she's quite willing."
I turned to Sulu. "Any objection to her?"
He shook his head. "If we've got to have one, it might as well be her." Then he smiled. "Nothing I do will shock her."
"All right," I said. "Who's the other replacement?"
The bishop hesitated, but the smile was still there. "Father O'Heron."
I avoided looking at Sulu and glared at Doyle. His face was set hard, as if he was straining to keep any expression from appearing. I wondered if he thought the choice of Father O'Heron a criticism of him by the bishop.
"Father O'Heron," I repeated. I felt stupid, unable to say anything else.
"Yes," said the bishop. "Even though she would be a second representative of the Church, I did not think you would object. We've discussed her once before. She's expressed a strong interest in joining the team."
As usual, I did not trust his motives. "No, I don't have any objections. She'll make a good addition."
We spent some more time discussing details, including new equipment and supplies we needed. When we cut the communication, Doyle left without a word, and I thought to myself that we were going to have trouble with him.
Two days later, Father O'Heron and Dr. Segrera arrived. Trip and Garcia helped them out of their pressure suits, and then we had a round of introductions. I stayed in the rear corner of the main cabin, watching and waiting. Dr. Segrera came over to me and we shook hands. She was a small woman, with graying hair and skin that was starting to wrinkle. I was shocked that the Executive Committee would have chosen someone of that age, but her handshake was strong, and her movements indicated she was in good shape, and comfortable in zero gravity.
"Do you remember me, Pavel?" Her voice was gravelly, yet somehow comforting, and it did sound familiar. But I couldn't place it, or her face.
"I'm not sure," I said. "Should I?"
She shrugged. "If you don't, you'd make a good demonstration for the concept of repression." She smiled then, and with that smile the years came away and the memories washed over me. I couldn't muster a response; I felt a little shaky.
"Dr. J?"
She nodded, still smiling. "That's me."
"I'd always assumed the S was the first letter of your last name. Wrong all that time. What is it......Julia?"
"Julissa. Now you know my big secret." Her smile slowly gave way to a more thoughtful expression. "It's been many years, Pavel."
Oh yes, a lot of years. When I was ten or eleven, someone in authority, maybe one of my invisible, unnamed parents, decided I might not be psychologically healthy, and that I could benefit from some counseling or therapy. Of course I wasn't psychologically healthy, and I never will be. I feel a sense of accomplishment because I have managed to achieve a certain level of functionality.
Someone thought Dr. J could help me. It's very possible that she did. We met once or twice a week for almost a year; usually for an hour or so, other times for an entire morning or afternoon, wandering through different parts of the ship, talking part of the time, but not often talking at all. Sometimes I looked forward to our meetings with so much anticipation I couldn't sleep; but just as often I felt only dread. Who knows? I might've been much worse off than I am today if not for her.
"For years," she said, interrupting my thoughts, "I couldn't decide whether you were one of my successes, or one of my failures."
"What did you finally decide?" I asked her.
"That you were neither." She paused. "Over time I've come to understand that I have much less influence upon my patients than I once believed. Oh, I can help, provide some guidance for those who truly want to be helped, for those who have some understanding of their difficulties and are ready, who are trying to change. For those people, who would probably find their own way eventually, I might be able to speed up the process, make it a bit easier. But if the patient doesn't want to get better, to change in some way, I can't do a thing for them. Nothing." She paused again. "It seems so simple, and so obvious in some ways, but when you're trained intensely for this work, you end up with an inflated sense of your own importance, your effectiveness. You, Pavel, were going to be what you are, with or without me. And look what you've achieved: adviser to the captain of the Enterprise, and now leader of an expedition exploring an alien starship."
"You forget 'despised by thousands,'" I said.
She tipped her head slightly to one side. "I've heard rumors to the effect that that's changing."
"Only rumors," I said.
She hesitated, looking directly at me, then said, "I suspect not."
Father O'Heron joined us then. She took my hand in hers. "Hello, Pavel."
"Father!" I felt suddenly awkward.
"I'm here after all," she said.
"I'm going to settle in," Dr. J. said. "I understand I'll have a compartment all of two meters square."
"Closer to two and a half," I told her.
"Luxury. Well, until later, then."
She left, and Father O'Heron watched her go. Then she turned back to me and said, "Renewing old acquaintances, I see. Julissa said you'd known each other a long time ago."
I nodded. "When I was a child. Did she tell you how we knew each other?"
"No."
"I was a patient."
"I wondered."
I left it at that. I didn't feel like going through it all again. "So the bishop changed his mind," I said.
"I was persuasive. I head there would be a need for two replacements, and I insisted. After some hesitation, he acquiesced."
"That worries me."
"You distrust him that much?"
"Yes. And with good reason."
She sighed, but whether it was because she thought I was being unfair, or because she thought I was right, I couldn't tell. But then she smiled gently. "I'm looking forward to this, Pavel. Truly."
"I'm glad you're here, Father."
"Please, Pavel. We're friends. Call me Gaynelle."
"All right," I said.
"We start tomorrow?" she asked.
"Probably. Or the next day. We've got some work to do first."
"Then I'll follow Julissa's example and settle in."
I watched her move awkwardly across the main cabin, and realized I didn't know whether or not I was glad she was here.578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1UBFSPz0h
