The Wasteland was hot and dry. Unlike the other nature rooms, the Wasteland had no seasons, no weather changes. I stood just inside the ground entrance, dizzy from the heat and blinking against the glare reflecting from the sand and white rock. The designer of this room had been brilliant---looking in any direction from any location, the desert seemed to continue without end, or at least for many kilometers, stretching to the vague suggestion of distant dunes.
Formally named the Desert Conservatory, the Wasteland was the largest of the nature rooms, and also the least visited; but Jean-Luc always liked it. He would spent hours there when he needed to think, or needed to escape from the pressures of the captaincy. When we were young, fifteen or sixteen, he had brought me there and tried to explain why he loved it so much. I hadn't understood at the time, but over the years I came to appreciate his fascination with the place, although I never could shake my own unease, and avoided it like nearly everyone else did.
I scanned the Wasteland, searching the shadows of cacti and rocks, taking in everything several times before I finally spotted Jean-Luc sitting with his back against a large boulder, gazing into the distance.
A dull ache worked its way through my chest as I thought about all the years we'd known each other, everything we'd been through. I walked towards him slowly, surprisingly apprehensive; I didn't relish any more intimate conversations. When I was a few meters away, I stopped and waited in silence.
"You never did like it here," Jean-Luc said without looking at me.
"No."
"That always surprised me. It was one of the few ways you were like everybody else on this ship." He finally turned and looked up at me. "Do you understand what's going on aboard this ship? Really understand?"
"No, and I doubt if you do, either."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means just what I said. I'm not sure anybody really does."
He nodded, resigned. "Except maybe the bishop."
"No. Not even him. He probably thinks he does, but he knows less than he imagines. I would guess that's how it is with most of us."
Jean-Luc stared out across the talcum-white sand, the scattered cacti and rock. "Please walk with me for a while, Pavel."
We walked together across the hot sand, an arm's length apart. I'd already lost my orientation, and when I looked around, I found I could not locate the entrance I'd used; I was struck by the irrational fear that I might never be able to find my way out of there. Or that Jean-Luc would murder me. My body could remain undiscovered for decades.
"We've been friends for a lot of years, Pavel."
"Were friends," I corrected him.
"No more?"
"I don't think so, Jean-Luc."
He stopped, turned, and looked at me, his expression steady. Had he been drinking recently? I couldn't tell. Everything about him seemed sober and firm.
"We've both made mistakes. Out of fear, or mistrust. Or maybe simple misunderstanding. Whatever the reasons. But is the damage to our friendship irreparable?"
I'd thought so, but suddenly I wasn't sure. Watching him, listening to him, I was unable to detect any dissembling. He seemed sincere. Jean-Luc could be deceptive and manipulative, but I always thought I could see through him. I'd missed it before, although looking back on it, I realized the signs had been there----I just hadn't recognized them; maybe because I wanted to. Now, though, I saw nothing but a sincere effort at reconciliation.
"I don't know," I finally said.
"Honest enough, I don't know, either. But I'm ready to make the effort, if you are."
"Because you're desperate, and you need my help?"
"No, although both those things are true. It's possible, maybe even likely, that i"m going to lose everything in the coming weeks. But if I go down, I'd rather not go alone."
"You want to drag me down with you."
"No, that's not what I meant."
"I know," I said. "But you're not alone. You have Constance."
"Yes, and that's a comfort. But it's not enough."
"I'll have to think about it," I told him.
He nodded. "You do that, Pavel." He paused. "Now, let's talk about who we want on the team."573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasnDe08WR5
