“Why are you staring so intently at her? You don’t want her to be afraid of you, do you? ”
Jemina was tormenting herself and doubting herself. Why on earth did she ever consider doing that? She was even unable to recall.
They didn’t talk to one other after that day when they kissed, that evening they shared together and all alone. Being fairly busy, they didn’t consider exchanging phone numbers or social media usernames. The memory of how hurtful she had been to Yeona at some point was too much for Jemina, especially when she kissed her without even trying to ask her opinion.
She was awful for it, yes, but she was genuine. The emotions that suddenly and unexpectedly erupted in her at that time were new to her. They eventually reached full bloom in her after a few weeks. They soon became a little too much for her, gradually expanding to the point that she was drowning. The need to share them quickly appeared as the only way to make her feel better..
She couldn’t help but believe Yeona felt the same way. No, not because she had allowed the kiss that day. More so since Jemina occasionally noticed that she was gazing in her direction during class, and occasionally they even made accidental eye contact. She was unable to just acknowledge that it may just be a coincidence. Jemina could also see her warm complexion, which was slightly going red, as well as her cheeks, nose, and ears as it occurred. She still wanted to believe it. She hoped that one day all the small fantasies she was running through her brain would become as true as that kiss.
Her heart was continuously beating so fast since the moment she left the envelope on Yeona’s table a few days ago. Since then, every break they had between classes was the most stressful moment of the day, and the moment she was so cautious about.
They usually arrived so quickly, which was either unfortunate or perhaps fortunate—it was hard to explain. She was waiting, seconds and minutes passing by were somehow painful to her. She felt both relief and disappointment as the bell sounded to signal the end of the breaks. Her feelings were quite conflicted, but she wanted to think that Yeona was also writing a letter to her, which may explain why nothing had occurred even at the end of the week. Writing your feelings down in the best way possible was a very complicated thing to do. To provide rhythm to your work, you needed to find the appropriate words in the right order, there were several other details you needed to verify and modify. Yeona writing to her wasn’t as crazy as it could have seemed. Yeona was the one who revealed that one of her pastimes consisted of writing letters to people to whom she would never give them.
“Why are you daydreaming so much today ?”. One of her classmates was making fun of her.
“You have that foolish look on your face recently. Are you okay, girl?”
“Oh, nothing too important”
Jemina gradually got over the memory of that letter. That Friday, towards the end of the day, she received a notification while hurrying for her bus and didn’t pay much attention to it at first. When she eventually had the chance, she glanced at the name of the person who sent the message just to realize it was Amber. She deleted the notification without even bothering to read it all.
When she eventually got home, she collapsed on her bed and let out a long, loud sigh. When people asked her in middle school if she had a boyfriend or a crush, she always replied that she was simply focused on her education in order to get to her dream job. Boys were never something she was interested in, and yet, before falling passionately in love with Yeona, she never imagined herself as anything but a heterosexual girl. As a result, when such sentiments began to develop in her, she struggled to acknowledge their genuine natures. She started her reflection by attempting to “try to justify” it. Yeona gave her a lot of attention and support.
That was it! Those had to be the causes for her feelings, right? It was so evident!
Actually, fooling herself was not as useful as she had hoped. Jemina was not an idiot! And despite her lack of attraction towards men and her lack of knowledge of what love was, she knew it. Like practically every teen her age, she occasionally watches American teen romance or, at the very least, a friend who was in a relationship. After a few months of her sentiments flowering in her, she eventually accepted these sensations that were blooming in her heart and taking up more and more space in her soul.
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