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Yang
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I stared out of my window, wondering why I was still here. Many people have faced the same thing I had… but why was I the only one who took everything too seriously? It's become a habit now to stare out of the window. I need to be alert in case anything happens. If I was with Surya or Jun, I would sacrifice them first and run. Well… Maybe not. I’ve become too attached to them.
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"Yang! Come down! Your friends are here!" My mom called as she went back to seeing her tv. I rushed down the stairs to see Surya and Jun in the kitchen, making something as if it was their own house. “Yo.” Surya greeted me after noticing me come down. “Why are you guys here, and why didn’t you take your car? I didn’t see it.” “Oh, we came through the back door and we walked all the way here.” Jun said, walking towards me with a cup of hot cocoa. “Where the hell did you get the hot chocolate and marshmallows from?” “He brought it from my house.” Surya sighed. “Oh, that explains why.” I said, taking a sip of hot cocoa.
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“Btw, I have a child.” I spit the cocoa from my mouth and started coughing. “What!” I exclaimed. “What he means, is that he got a pet dog.” Jun said, correcting Surya. “Surya, did you want to kill me? Why did you have to phrase it that way?” “Should I have said ‘I am with child’?” “No! That’s even worse!” “Dude, sometimes you’re too blunt.” Jun chuckled. “What did you name the dog and what breed is it?” I asked. “Well, she is a pomeranian, her name is Mrs. Pofmers.” “What’s wrong with your naming skills? Her name sounds like trash. What are you, a kindergartner?” “Well… that’s the reason we came here. He thinks we should call her Mrs. Pofmers and I think we should call her Accabella, and you know that both of us have trash naming skills, so we came here to ask for your opinion.” “Why me?” “You’re the only one who has decent naming skills.” “Ugh, fine. Do you have a picture of the dog?” I sighed.
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I really can’t deal with their nonsense. This is why I grew too attached. I wasn’t really the type to make jokes, but now it comes out so naturally. I think a bit of Scarlet’s behavior is rubbing off on me. Well, to be honest, She is a part of me. The me from when I was still a kid. My childhood innocence… Why must it have been me? Why must I be the one who was raped by a sick paedophile? I was continually harrassed at the hospital I was in for two years. I wished and wished that my body would get healthier, so I could get out of the hell hole called the hospital. I couldn’t even tell my mother because he threatened me, threatened that he was the one with authority and he could easily murder and no one would care. He sat on the bed and instructed me to get on his lap. He would pinch me, draw my blood with a syringe and would tell me to undress. He would always come after four o'clock… the hell i had to endure for two years. And then-
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“Yang?” Surya asked, waving his hand in front of me. “Oh, sorry, I was thinking of something else. So this is the puppy huh?” I said, staring at the photo in front of me. It was a cute little pomeranian who looked like a little puff of cream on top of a coffee. “Ain’t she a cutie?” Surya boasted. “Stop, your nose is going to grow to the point it touches my ceiling.” I said, sarcastically. “Why don’t we call her Espresso?” I asked after thinking for a while. “That’s a nice name.” Jun complemented. “I still think that Ms. Pofmers is cuter.” Surya pouted. “Surya, stop being salty.” Jun said. “Well, you guys can get out now since you fulfilled the reason that you came here.” I said, trying to shoo them away. “Nah, your place is quite comfy, It might be because it’s tiny.” Surya said, flopping onto my couch. “Call my house small one more time, then you will be banned from entering here for a month.” “Awww, please don’t do that~” “Then shut up.” I said, coldly. “Come on~ Don’t be like that.” He said poking my cheeks.
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Days like this sometimes make me forget all the PTSD I received from that hospital. It makes me want to forget everything and just relax, but even with this much joy in my life, I still can feel the crawling anxiety of when this all ends. I know it’s really childish to wish that we could be together forever, but is it wrong to hope? Is it too much to wish that we won’t have a big fight that breaks us all up or we lose contact with each other? Is it too much to ask for us to never get tired of each other? If we were going to end, I shouldn’t have even been friends with them in the first place. But every time I hung around with them, my fears seemed like trivial worries. They cheered me up.
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Scarlet has also tried her best to help me in my mind. She tried her best to cheer me up by writing letters when it was her time. I’m quite grateful to her, she’s like a little cheerful voice encouraging me to do whatever I want. However, Yang, I’m sorry. I don’t know if I even like you. I don’t mean to hate you, but I just can’t help it. I wish you could just disappear, but that wish is too selfish. I’m sorry Scarlet, but I detest you. I’m really really sorry Scarlet. Why do I hate you? I guess… I’m just jealous. Why do you get to enjoy my childhood innocence? It should've been me. Look at how ugly my inner thoughts are. I’m disgusted by myself, but I can’t help it. You can understand me, right, Scarlet? You can, right? I wish I could just end it all, but I'm too scared of the pain. I’m really the worst, huh?
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Scarlet
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Time flew by, I saw Scarlet growing up and maturing, but why does my personality stay the same even after all that time? Why am I the only one who seems like time stopped for them? I mean, I am happy that Jun and Surya have always been there for me. They really are such a handful, huh? They are always protecting me and Yang whenever they can. I can’t even talk to anyone on the streets, they are way too overprotective. “But are they truly my friends or Yang’s friends?” I said out loud, enjoying the wind that blew onto my face as I swung my feet to and fro. “Geez! I’d rather not think at all” I said, ruffling my hair. I stopped as I looked down and sunk into a deep thought.
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It’s not like I didn’t know about why you had a split personality like me. The years that you were locked up at the hospital, where you could only see the white beds, stained with blood or coffee. The times when you would look at the mirror and cry. It’s my fault that you became like this isn’t it. However, I still love you. No matter what you say to me, I won’t ever get hurt by your words. I once hoped that you would love me back. You would think, “Well maybe Yang isn’t that bad. She is a part of me after all.” But now I know, I know that I-I am the problem. The only times you laugh is when you are with Surya, Jun and mom- your mom. So… I wish you would be happier without me. “Well Yang, I know that you don’t like me, and I’m sorry to take away your childhood innocence from you. But no matter how much you hate me, I still love you. I love you Yang, I really do.” I said, smiling brightly. “So, to make up for all the pain that you felt, I’ll receive your last bit of pain,” I said as I stood up
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I look under my feet. The view from up here looks amazing. This is the 6th floor of the hotel right? It looks so high from up here. I had a lot of fun in my time here, even though I was using another person’s body so I could be happy. People must have been crying with joy the moment you were born, but this time they all will be crying when you are gone. I hope they understand. This is the only way to get rid of me.“ I love you.” I said as I fell. “I really really love you, I’m sorry.” The world went dark, tears flowed, ‘I don’t want to die!’ My body screamed. But even so, I smiled. I felt the impact underneath me. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, but my heart felt like it was getting ripped. I wonder why? I love you Yang. I hope you will be happier without me in your next life.
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The End
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