JUN
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I stared at the empty mansion in front of me. Surya went for a walk while I’m stuck at this lonely house. Sure money has a lot of benefits, but it does not solve your mommy’s issues. The therapy and medicines are working very slowly. I went into the mansion and went up to my room. I sat on my bed and opened the drawer. I took a tablet called SSRIs short form for Selective Serotonin Reuptake inhibitors.
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I looked at the pills. Many people would question why we need pills. Like how are they even going to work on something that’s not physical? They might think it’s all just anxiety clustered up to its breaking point. Well, the meds do help somewhat. It increases the Serotonin in my body to make me less depressed. I opened the lid of the tablets and took the medicine. I layed down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. No matter how long I've stayed here, I still feel unfamiliar with these gray walls and fancy furniture.
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I remember the first time I was sent here, it was when I was 16 and I felt little to no joy in my life. I lived on caffeine and tried my best to impress my mother. Many attempts later, I gave up. She would never be happy with me. All she wanted to do was grab my father’s attention. All I had to do was be the perfect golden child. I tried my best, but what was I rewarded instead? Abuse and fake, useless, threats.
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Even though I say this, I still love my mother a lot. Sure, being mistreated is probably the worst, but she is still my mother. I stared at the wall above me and turned in for the night. Memories flowed in my head. Remembering small little gestures of kindness other people gave me made me happy. There was one person who really understood me at that time. That was Yang. I met her at school. There were rumors spreading about her.
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“They said that she was crazy. Maybe she is Bipolar?” My friend said, “No, no. It's not like that. It’s like she is two different people in one body.” The other one replied. “What do you think, Jun?” “Umm, I’m not sure. It’s not good for us to judge someone without knowing the full story.” I said. “Well, of course that’s what you will say mister goody two shoes,” one of my friends said. “Well, he really can’t be blamed. That’s just how his personality is.”
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Yeah, right as if. These people really don’t know me. I wonder why I hung out with these morons. Maybe to complete my satisfaction of being smarter than these people who only rely on their right brain. I looked over to Surya who seemed like he was holding back from laughing. “Sure, he is a ‘goody two shoes’” Surya mocked. “Oh, shut up Surya, you're just jealous.” one of the girls said. “As if.” Surya scoffed.
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After class, we were sitting in the cafeteria waiting for Surya’s car to arrive, when we heard, “Hello! Your name is Jun right?” I looked up to see a lively young girl who had bags under eyes. “Yes, and you are?” I thought nothing of her at first, but then I heard, “Oh my, aren’t you Yang?” “No, I’m Yang, It’s 4:30 so I’m here instead of Yang.” She replied to one of my fake friends' questions. “What? What is that supposed to mean?” Surya asked, confused. “If Yang isn't here right now, who are you?” I said, going with the flow. “I’m Scarlet! Yang’s split personality!” Hold up, split personality? So that’s why they said that she acted like two different people at the same time. What must have happened to her to have developed a split personality?
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“You seem like you have a lot of questions for me. Well, I just came here to look at a person that is similar to Yang. Not just one person though, both of you.” She said pointing at both me and Surya. “Well, see you later!” She said as she left, humming along the pathway back to her house.
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Our first conversation was a little strange but we seemed to understand each other a lot. She knows that I and Surya have been through a lot. “She’s one of us I guess,” Surya guessed. “She really is.” After that, we met Yang, not Scarlet but Yang. “I’m really sorry about Scarlet irritating you. She’s a bit on the shallow side.” Her words seemed lively, however, she said her apologies in a monotone voice. “You don’t seem apologetic?” “Surya, too straightforward.” I said, glancing at him. “Sorry, I can’t control my facial expressions for you.” She said, still in a monotone voice. “Are you being sarcastic?” “No.” She replied.
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She was one of those rare types of people that I couldn’t read. Her facial expression was blank and you can never tell what’s on her mind. I was honestly suspicious at first. I thought she had an ulterior motive at first, but sooner or later, I just found out that she was just like us. She sat in the same muddy situation as us. Someone who was relatable…
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One day when I was walking to school, instead of taking Surya’s car, I saw a dead bird. It seemed like it got hit by a vehicle. I squatted down, staring at the bird. I took my phone out and took a picture of it. I don’t know when this habit started but… taking pictures of dead animals stirs a small sensation in my heart. I know it’s pretty crooked for me, but I can't help it. I’m already broken. I’ve seen and been in situations in which other people have not been. Like a broken doll, playing just for my mother.
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After a few more pictures, I switched my phone off and turned around to see Yang behind me. “Wh-what. Why are you here?” I asked in a frantic voice. “Well, you are in front of the school gate. Is it really that weird for me to be here?” Damn it. “D-did you see?” “See what?” Did she really not see? Phew. “Are you talking about how you were taking a photo of the dead bird?” “Did you really have to be that up front?” “Pardon, I don’t understand. Why do you look as if you were doing something wrong?”
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“You don’t think it’s weird that I was taking a picture of a dead bird?” I asked. “No… unless…” She scooched further from me and placed her hands across her chest. “A-are you a necrophiliac?” She gasped again. “No way, a furry?” “No!” “So you are a necrophiliac furry!” “I’m neither one of those!” “But all jokes aside, I don’t really care about your preferences or your hobbies. It makes you feel alive right. Knowing something else has fulfilled its purpose. Don't worry, I understand.” She said, with a far away look in her eyes. “Oh yeah, since when did you know how to joke?” “When did I joke? I told you. I respect your preferences, though it may be weird.” “No! I really don’t like dead bodies or animals! Trust me!” “You really are breaking character right now you know.”
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After that day, you could say that she became much closer to me. Months passed and we became an odd trio. Yang got bullied at school often because people deemed her as a weirdo. The girls were even more expressive about the bullying, dragging her to the bathroom stalls and her exiting soaked in mop water. So, I would ignore the people who bullied her and spread rumors that may have been false or the truth. It may have gotten to the point of expulsion, but they deserved it. Surya would just give a ‘slight scolding’ to the kids. “But I did it for you!” They would shout, drenched in tears but they always held onto a rotten rope. I wouldn't save them, who asked them to do such stupid actions towards my friend. I wouldn’t care if you did to anybody else, just not to my friend.
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After the kids understood that if they messed with them, they were also messing with us, they stopped bullying her. Neither of them even dared to approach her. “Geez! Don’t you think that you were being a little too harsh on them?” Scarlet sighed while eating a cream puff in a nearby cafe after school. “I mean, yes. They did bully Yang, but you didn’t have to bully them too! You even got them expelled, and let’s not even talk about Surya’s terrifying threats.” “What do you propose we do? Talk to them and tell them to stop bullying Yang? That’s not going to work.” Surya said. “I didn’t say that… we could've just… solved it by a bit of communication.” Scarlet mumbled. “I’m sorry Scarlet, but I’m going to side with Surya with this one. Even if we told them to stop, they would just spread rumors that she has bewitched us and that she is a whor-” “Anyways, the point is that they won’t stop there. It’s just better for us if we just install fear upon them.”Surya said, cutting me off.I can’t blame her for being so naive, her mental age is that of a ten year old’s. She’s way too innocent for her own good. We left the cafe and went our own ways.
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Those were days when we were younger, we somehow became more cruel in one way or another, except for Yang and Scarlet, they are still as nice as ever. Now, back to the present. Enough reminiscing about the past. Today is the 21st of January. I woke up and got ready. Surya noticed me. “Today is THAT day isn’t it?” Surya asked. “Apparently it is. The day when I can visit my mom in prison.” “Are you sure you want to go there?” “No, not really, but I wanna see how pathetic she has become. Would she beg for me to forgive her, after all the things that she had to me? I want to see what expression is on her face. Is it disgust or loath, maybe it's regret?” “You really are worse than me, huh. I wonder why all the girls simp over you…”
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We arrived outside the prison and we went through some safety measures. I sat opposite a huge glass wall. There was a telephone beside the glass. My mom came in through the door and rushed right at me. She picked the telephone up and so did I. “Jun! My baby. How have you been? You know, mama has been very worried about you. I would have hugged you if I could but…” She looked at her uniform and the restrictions on her wrist. “I can’t. It’s okay, it’s not your fault. It's not too late to testify for your mom. You can let me out and we can be a happy family again!” I felt goosebumps across my skin. Look at her guilt tripping me. Her fake face always seems to catch me off guard. Even if all I can feel for her is hate, I always feel like I did something wrong. ‘She’s your mother.’ ‘Blood is thicker than water.’ That’s what my relatives would say when I told them I was abused. At least my friends Tell me not to take corporal punishment lightly. I honestly never did anything wrong. I always listened to what she said…
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The first few years of my life, I had always wanted to grab my mother’s attention. I was constantly neglected as she would only want my father’s attention even though he was out fooling around with other ladies. Eventually, I learned how to cook somewhat decent meals. I was sent off to school and a lot of people thought that I was being neglected, which I was, because of my extremely thin physique. My height was smaller than my peers. Years of trying to prove my worth to my mom passed. Then, one day, when I was eight. My father finally broke it off with my mom. Meaning, they got divorced. After that, my mom disappeared for a few days only to appear back in a haggard state. She stared at my tiny body and started laughing. “Why didn’t I see it? I still have his child with me. Yes, I will make you perfect. I will laugh at the people who laughed at me. Especially that little witch who used her body to bewitch my love.” She hugged me tightly. This was the first time she ever paid attention to me. At that point, I was just happy to receive my mother’s attention. The following years, I tried my best to stay at the top of the class, but whatever I did was never enough.
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“What are these trashy marks?” She said as she threw my exam paper onto my face. “I-I got A+.” I said back. “You lost one point in physics didn’t you? How can I show my face outside if my son is an idiot! You can’t even get full marks? Don’t be another disappointment.” That’s such a lie. I’m smarter and more popular in my class than you. If I really wanted to, I could make your life a living hell if I wanted to. But I can’t. Maybe one day, one day you would show some affection towards me. Maybe one day, but that day will never come, and I knew that, but as human nature goes through all of us, I evaded the truth. No matter how many cigarette burn marks appeared on my body or no matter how many times she kicked me, it was fine. I was obsessed with finding a bit of affection from my mother that I forgot I was receiving enough from my friends.
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One day, Surya, who happened to enroll in the same primary school I went to, followed me back home and saw my mother hitting me and reported it to the police. Action was taken fast and The police barged in with a permit and my mother was startled. They searched the house for evidence and kindly took me with them away from my mother. Signs of neglect and abuse were shown all over my body which was used as evidence against her at court. Surya’s family welcomed me at first but I chose to live away from them.
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At first I hated Surya for doing this to me. I felt like my life’s purpose was taken away from me. I felt heavy and I knew that the sense of responsibility in me was gone and I was no longer constrained by any chains. But why… even after I took the snake out of my leg, the venom still flows through my blood. It hurts. My days went on into a listless mode until I got a call from Surya’s butler. Surya’s parents died. That’s when I snapped back to reality. I'm not the only one suffering. The venom was still in there but at least the haziness in my eyes was gone. I went to see Surya and ended up freeloading at his house instead. Surya started thinking that the world was just a simulation someone made from their fantasy. I really can’t understand what is going on inside his head, but for now, I guess I am happy. At Least happier than I was with my mother. I’d like to stay this way for a long time.
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