Written for my Year 11 English Class760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mfqMM1XxJ
Prompt: “They just don’t understand where I’m coming from”
I never thought my life could reach such a low, but standing at the edge of the grave I realised that some parts of our lives can come completely unexpected and unwelcome. A month ago I had the perfect boyfriend, a job I loved, family that loved me – despite my faults – and friends that stood by me, no questions asked. I had what I thought was the perfect life. It took me an entire month to realise that nothing can ever be perfect. That as much as you want to, sometimes you just can’t trust the people you want to the most.
One month earlier…
I downed the last of my drink and signalled the waiter for another before glancing at my phone. Eight-fifteen and no new messages. He had never been so late before. I told myself I’d wait for another half hour and if he didn’t show, I’d leave. The possibility that something bad had happened passed through my mind but I quickly pushed it away. It was easier to think that he had forgotten our anniversary than to think something bad happened.
“Thank you.” I said, smiling politely as the waiter set my drink down in front of me. He smiled sympathetically at me before taking my empty glass and moving on to serve his next customer. I took a small sip of my drink before checking my phone again. I don’t know why I expected to see a message from him, but when there wasn’t, I couldn’t help but be disappointed.
Half an hour and 10 levels of candy crush later I stood from my chair, paid for my meal and walked out the door and didn’t look back. Climbing into a cab I told the driver my home address and tried desperately to hold back my tears for the ten minute journey home. Never, in our four years of dating, had he stood me up and it hurt. I never thought I could experience such pain, but knowing that the person that you love the most doesn’t care, hurts more than you can ever imagine.
When the cab pulled up outside our apartment lot, I thanked the driver, passed the money over the seat and scrambled out of the car before racing into the building, up the stairs and into our apartment. Running into our room I collapsed on the bed before finally letting the tears fall.
I woke up the next morning and noticed my shoes had been removed and I was tucked neatly under the sheets. I climbed out and walked into the bathroom. A puffy, red eyed girl looked back at me through the mirror. I heard the bedroom door open and close and I walked out of the bathroom and saw Jamie standing in the middle of the room looking guilty and apologetic. If I wasn’t so hurt I would have run into his arms and forgiven him right away. But being as hurt as I was, I just stood, staring at him.
“Cassie,” He began, looking at me imploringly, begging me with his eyes to understand. “I’m so sorry. Please Cassie.”
“I waited for THREE HOURS!” All thoughts of a rational conversation dissipated as I screamed at him, “Three hours. On our anniversary of all times. Don’t ‘please Cassie’ me. If you want me to forgive you, you better give me a bloody good reason to!” I yelled. “Three hours,” I added in a whisper and holding up three fingers, trying to get him to understand.
“I know, and I’m sorry, I just-” He paused, “What do you want me to say?” He said in a resigned and tired voice I barely recognised as his and that alone told me something was wrong, but I couldn’t let myself forgive him.
“Tell me the truth. It’s not about what I want to hear, it’s about telling me the truth, no matter how much you think it’ll hurt me.” I said in barely contained rage.
“I want to tell you the truth. You have no idea how much I want to tell you, but I’m scared that if I tell you, you’ll walk away. I don’t want to scare you away from me.” The fear in his voice was palpable, but I couldn’t tell if it was fear of losing me or fear of what he was keeping from me.
“You have to let me make that decision on my own, because right now, knowing that you’re hiding the truth from me, hurts more than the truth ever could.”
“I’m trying to protect you!” He yelled,
“THEN TELL ME THE TRUTH!” I shouted,
“The truth will only hurt you.”
“I think I deserve to decide what hurts more, but how can I do that if you won’t tell me?” I asked desperately.
“You don’t understand where I’m coming from, I’m just trying to protect you Cassandra,” I felt like he was explaining it to a five year old.
“No! You don’t get where I’m coming from! What is it that you so desperately need to protect me from that you have to break our promise to do it? You do remember that promise, don’t you Jay, you know, the one where we promised not to lie to each other and not keep secrets. We promised to tell each other everything!”
“I know, but this is something that I can’t tell you, because if I tell you I know you’ll walk away-”
“There’s more chance of me walking away if you keep this from me.” I interrupted quietly before walking back into the bathroom and closing the door shut behind me.
From that moment on, things changed. He became distant and our relationship started to crumble. My perfect world came crashing down around me. It wasn’t until a month later that I learnt the truth. I was walking home from work when I was grabbed from behind and dragged into a van. Confused and taken by surprise, it didn’t even register in my mind that I should probably scream. I was shoved roughly onto one of two benches that ran the length of the van – one on each side. Three men sat across from me, staring at me curiously and I couldn’t help but notice that the one in the middle had striking good looks while the two on either side of him were both bald and extremely muscular. “Why didn’t you scream?” Giant Number One asked me, before getting roughly elbowed in the stomach by Mr Attractive – obviously Mr Attractive was in charge.
“Did you want me to? I’d be more than happy to-”
“Please don’t,” said Mr Attractive calmly, but I could detect the underlying threat in his words. He turned to Giant One who – for such a large man – looked slightly scared and very apologetic.
“I’m so sorry, sir. I was just curious. I thought girls screamed at the slightest of things, so I just expected her to scream when she was grabbed by three men-” He rushed out before being interrupted by Mr Attractive,
“Enough Dave. I’m not going to kill you.” He said gruffly. “At least not yet anyway.” He added, almost as an afterthought.
“Look, I’m sorry if I disappointed you by not screaming, but you caught me off guard and I really didn’t have time to react before I was shoved into this van – rather violently if I might add – and by then it was too late because no one would have heard me so I figured there was no point.” I rushed out, feeling offended.
“You know, catching you off guard was kinda the idea.” Said Mr Attractive smirking.
“Whatever. Are you going to tell me why you abducted me, or is there no reason other than you just felt like abducting an innocent woman?”
Mr Attractive scoffed, “Innocent? You are far from innocent. You’re just like your shithead of a boyfriend-”
“Now listen here. I don’t know what Jamie’s got himself messed up in, but I can guarantee you that I have nothing to do with it. He has refused to tell me anything and I have no idea what’s going on. So please, feel free to enlighten me.” I interrupted, annoyed at Jamie for getting me messed up in his shit without knowing what the hell is going on.
“You honestly have no idea do you?” Mr Attractive asked, obviously surprised.
“No, I have no idea, so can you at least tell me your names so I can stop thinking of you as Dicks One, Two and Three?” I lied.
“Seeing as you asked so nicely,” Mr Attractive replied sarcastically, “I’m Mike, this here is Danny,” Mike said, pointing to the bald man to his left, “And this is Dave,” He said, pointing to the man on his right, “And that over there,” he said, pointing to the driver’s seat, “Is Josh. And the reason you’re here is because we need to have a chat with your boyfriend and he is refusing to meet with us, so we figured we’d give him some incentive.”
“So I’m bait?” I asked, trying to make sense of it.
“Basically. Yes, I suppose you are.”
“So what did he do that you need to ‘chat’ about?” I asked, quoting the word ‘chat’ in the air with my fingers.
“He stole something from me.”
“And you want it back?” I guessed.
“No.” Mike responded simply.
‘No? Then what do you want?” I asked confused. If he didn’t want it back, then why did he want to meet with Jamie?
“I want to take it from him, then destroy it so he can never get it back. And I want to do it in front of him so he can watch and know that he’ll never get it back.” Mike replied angrily.
“What did he take from you? It can’t be that special if you’re willing to destroy it just so he can’t have it.” I was sceptical. It can’t be that special, why not just let Jamie keep it if he was willing to destroy it anyway. I had no idea what ‘it’ was, but I was sure I would find out soon enough.
“Oh, it’s special alright. Don’t you doubt that. It’s just, there’s no way of me truly having it now. He’s tainted it for me, so it’s better if I just destroy it so no-one can ever have it.”
“You know that makes no sense at all right? I mean, that’s just stupid and selfish and stupid and dumb and… Did I mention it was stupid?”
“You might have mentioned it briefly.” Mike said sarcastically.
“What is ‘it’ anyway?” I questioned. I didn’t expect an answer but I thought it couldn’t hurt to try.
“Enough talking. I’ve heard enough from you.” Mike snapped.
We sat in silence as Josh drove for what seemed like half an hour before the van hit rough terrain and we started getting bounced around. I clung desperately to the bench I was sitting on while Mike and the other two boys sat easily, their feet firmly planted on the floor enough to keep them balanced. Mike smirked at me and leant forward to rest his elbows on his knees and his chin on his loosely folded hands to stare at me. It crept me out to say the least. Finally the van jolted to a stop and the back doors were swung open by Josh. The two big guys stepped out and Mike stood, extending his arm and saying “Ladies first.” I stood and walked towards the back of the van and jumped out, Mike following straight after me. I briefly thought about running, but with four men surrounding me I thought better of it. I took a moment to take in my surroundings. We were in a cemetery, that much I could tell. The grey tombstones with the moss and ivy climbing over them made the place seem desolate and abandoned, the people in these graves unloved and uncared for. Turning my head I spotted a brief glimpse of colour, bright red like a rose. At first glance I thought my first impressions were wrong and that someone had recently laid red roses at a loved one’s grave, but looking again I noticed that the red wasn’t rose red at all, but blood red. Jamie was on the ground in front of a tombstone, seven graves down from me, his blood leaving a red trail from the top of the tombstone down to his head. If it weren’t for the blood it would look as if he was sleeping peacefully. A sob escaped my throat and tears pricked my eyes at the sight of my boyfriend and I sent up a quick prayer to the heavens that he was ok. I was about to speak, to beg Mike to let me go and take Jamie to a hospital – that is, if he was still alive – but Mike spoke before I could.
“What the hell happened here?” he yelled, anger and fury clearly evident in his voice. “Why the hell is he passed out? He is meant to be awake so he can watch me destroy what he loves most. I swear-“760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9MN5xil7F
“I’m sorry Mike,” interrupted a guy standing near Jamie that I hadn’t even noticed. “I just punched him to shut him up but he fell and hit his head. I promise he’s still alive though. He should wake up any minute now.” The guy said desperately, as if his life depended on Mike knowing that Jamie was still alive. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief that Jamie was ok but my mind was still stuck on Mike’s words, ‘destroy what he loves most’. Jamie had always told me that he loved me more than anything else in the world and that he’d do anything in his power to protect me and I didn’t doubt that. So what was it that Mike thought Jamie loved more than me?
“I swear to God, if he’s dead, you’ll be joining him.” Mike warned the new guy.
“Finally something we agree on.” Five heads turned to stare at me in shock before Mike quickly schooled his features into a menacing glare in a not-so-subtle way of telling me to shut up. I pretended to zip my lips with my fingers before pretending to throw him the key.
After about half an hour of standing around doing nothing I was getting restless and my legs were beginning to ache so I sat down on the grass. I received a few curious glances from the five men around me but other than that they let me be. Mike continued to stare at Jamie waiting for him to wake up. I still had no idea what it was that Mike was going to destroy and I couldn’t see anything around us. I was at a loss as to what it could possibly be. I assumed that this is where he was going to destroy it, so why wouldn’t he bring it with him? I kept thinking on this and what it could be for possibly another half hour before I saw Jamie stir. He groaned and sat up, holding a hand to his head. His eyes locked on mine and I saw horror and fear flash through them. He tried to stand but promptly fell back down and just sat on his knees staring at me ignoring everyone else around us.
“Take a long hard look Jamie, because this is going to be the last you see of her.” I heard Mike say coldly but I couldn’t look away from Jamie’s eyes and he seemed to feel the same because he continued to stare into mine. Mike’s words finally registered in my head and I whipped my head up to stare at him.
“No. Please don’t kill him. I-“ I begged but Mike cut me off.
“Kill him? No, I won’t kill him. Whatever gave you that idea? No, I’m going to kill you.” He looked at me and the evil lurking behind his eyes was prominent. I wasn’t going to deny it. I was terrified.
“What? Why? I don’t understand.” I was so confused. Why would he want to kill me? I thought I was just bait. I thought he was going to destroy whatever Jamie took from him.
“Cassandra, we had this discussion in the van remember?” That was when everything finally clicked into place. I was what Jamie took from Mike. I was what Mike was going to destroy in front of Jamie. I was what Jamie loved the most. Mike was going to kill me. And he was going to make Jamie watch. What I didn’t get was how Jamie had stolen me from Mike, I had never seen Mike before in my life.
“I can see your brain ticking over Cassandra. I can see all the little puzzle pieces fitting together in your brain. Except one. I know, you’re thinking, ‘how could Jamie possibly have stolen me from you, I’ve never seen you before, blah, blah, blah.” Mike said, putting on a high pitched voice for the last part. “Well, you see. Four years ago I saw this girl from across the street. I kept seeing this girl around my neighbourhood and after a couple of weeks I realised that she lived down the road from me. She was a beauty. Gorgeous face, fabulous figure. Super sexy. I was going to ask her out one day. Once I gathered up enough courage.” He paused briefly and stared intently at me. I stared right back. “Do you know who that girl was Cassandra? It was you. Now, at this time, Jamie and I, we were great friends. Best mates you might say. So one day he tells me that he’s just asked this great girl out on a date and he was going to pick her up from her house at six that night. So I thought, well if he’s going to take a chance at love, why don’t I and ask this girl out. So that night I walk down to your house and what do I see? You walking down your front lawn hand-in-hand with my so called best friend.” Venom laced his voice as he spat out the words ‘best friend’.
“Mike, I’m so sorry.” Jamie called out from his spot on the ground. I looked over to him and noticed his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. He glanced over at me and whispered an apology, “I’m so sorry Cassandra,” For what I wasn’t sure. He turned back to look at Mike and continued, “I swear to you, if I’d known I never would have asked her out. You were my best friend and I never would have intentionally done that to you. I promise I didn’t know. Please, don’t hurt her.” A tear slipped down his cheek as he begged.
“Liar!” Mike shouted, “All you do is lie. That’s all you’ve ever done. You did know, you had to have known. I’m certain of it.” To me it appeared as if Mike was slowly losing his sanity, but I couldn’t be sure. He still seemed so steady.
“I promise I didn’t know-” Jamie began again but I interrupted,
“Mike, we can still have a shot, it doesn’t have to end like this. We can be together, just let Jamie go and I’m yours. I promise.” I had to do something. Jamie needed to get to a hospital, we needed to get out of here with our lives and this was the only way I could see that happening.
“No, it’s too late. He’s already ruined you for me. I don’t want what someone else has already sampled. You’re used goods Cassandra.” Mike replied bitterly, turning to me.
“I come from a strong catholic family. I’ve made a promise to myself and God that I will save myself for marriage. I promise you I still have my virtue. I am untouched by any man Mike. I swear it to you.” I was desperate. What I was telling Mike was the truth, but I was willing to give it all up if it meant that I could save Jamie.
“No, enough. I don’t want you anymore-”
“Then let us go!” I begged desperately.
“I can’t do that. He took you from me. Now I’m going to take you from him and make sure that no-one else can ever have you.”
“Cassandra.” I heard Jamie calling my name but I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want him to watch me as I died. I knew it was over. I knew that Mike was going to kill me then and there. I just hoped that Jamie didn’t blame himself forever and that he would be able to move on and fall in love again. “Cassandra look at me.” The desperation in Jamie’s voice made me turn my head. I stared into his eyes and he stared straight back. I saw Mike in my peripheral vision pulling a gun out of his pocket. I knew Jamie saw it too. His eyes held so much pain and regret and I knew exactly what he was trying so desperately to put into words. ‘I love you and I’m so sorry for everything that has happened. Please forgive me.’ I smiled at him to let him know that it was ok. To try and convey to him that I didn’t blame him. I hoped he understood. I prayed he understood and that he would be ok. That he would make it out of all of this without too many scars. “I love you.” I whispered what I knew would be last words to him, hoping that they conveyed everything I felt at that moment. Hoping he understood that all was forgiven. And as he whispered the same words back to me a shot rang out and everything went black.
I feel nothing. I feel neither weight nor lightness, I see no light nor dark. There just is. Ever so slowly, the world comes into focus and the bright sunshine lights up the green grass, the silver tombstones scattered with beautiful greens of moss and ivy and so many people, all dressed in black. Still, I felt nothing, there was nothing weighing me down. My only emotions; sadness and regret that I didn’t get to live the full life I had so hoped for. But that’s ok. Because now standing at the end of my grave, I watched as the people I loved the most mourned me. But it’s ok, because although I may not be alive anymore, I can still watch my loved ones through their lowest days and their most joyous moments. And that’s all I could ever hope for. Jamie is still alive and I know that although he will mourn me and blame himself for what happened, he will move on and learn to love again. How do I know this? Because I’m his Guardian Angel, and it’s my job to know.
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