Image taken from www.pexels.com and story is also inspired by the song Bird Set Free recorded by Sia. Trigger warnings for mental health discussions.
The cage was being broken.
It was horrible, feeling trapped and consumed with my depressing thoughts that never seemed to go away. None of my friends wanted to be around me, at awkward family events, the questions always seemed to be the same "Why isn't she doing anything with her life?"
I guess what broke me the most was when my best friend of eleven years decided to move away. Not just to some random town in England, to Australia. Far far away from the streets we used to roam across on our bikes. My breakfast cereal long forgotten on the kitchen table. Since then, I struggled to speak. I struggled to be me, to breathe.
Waiting lists are hard. You never fully know what position in the line that you're in. One day could be a step closer, the next, getting booted back down. The teachers tried to help by putting me into groups with other students. However, it never fully felt the same.
I was so relaxed around Sadie. I mean, she had a good heart and was always up for a fun adventure. Joint birthday parties on the garden lawn, trips to the cinema where we loved and also slated new movies in random review videos we filmed. There's Facebook and Skype for talking. But her not physically sitting next to me hurts.
Being home alone one morning, I started to conduct my routine. Put my headphones on, walk downstairs, look out of the window at the rows of birds sat along one of the walls. I knew that the next-door neighbours had a dog, who liked to sit on the bench and bark repeatedly. Loud, ever so loud, my music tried to drown out his noises. But he just wouldn't stop.
Then, a thump on the front door mat. The day's mail.
Sighing, I walked over and slowly picked up the collection of letters scattered across the floor. The typical gas bill, water bill, some random junk mail about a new sports centre opening. Until one letter caught my eye. It was addressed to me. I hardly got any mail, having no subscriptions to magazines and also, not being the bill payer in the household.
Sia's music filled my ears still as I chucked all but the letter to me onto the sofa and raced upstairs. It couldn't be from school, as the crest logo wasn't on the envelope. It was a mystery that I was determined to solve.
Opening up the flap slowly, I noticed the logo for my GP's surgery. That's when I knew that the letter was about getting therapy. It took a while for the information to sink in. I was going to be offered fortnightly sessions starting from the following week. Needing to call and accept the offer. My mobile phone flashed up with a text from Sadie at that point.
"Call me." it read.
I knew that direct calls were going to be expensive. So, I jumped onto the Skype app and called. She was quick to pick up at the other end from Brisbane.
"Hey!" she yelled in excitement.
"Um, hi Sadie." I tried to force a wide smile, but the letter still sat firmly on my lap.
"Well, I've got news for you!" she slowly held up a set of plane tickets, "I'm coming back to England for a visit."
That was truly a bombshell. She was coming back? For a second, I didn't know whether to scream, start crying or laugh.
"You OK?" she frowned in concern.
"Yeah, that's the second shock I've had in one day." I giggled nervously.
"Let me guess. Jordan asked you out on a date?" she laughed.
Jordan used to be in my class at school, Sadie and I reckoned that he had crushes on both of us at some stage.
"No dates, no guys. It's a bit more... serious than that." I tried to blink back a tear without success.
"Oh shit, what's happened?" Sadie asked.
"I'm starting therapy sessions... for my mental health." I finally spoke, dreading what her reaction was going to be like.
There was a little pause before she spoke up, "I've been having sessions in Brisbane too. With a private doctor."
That was news to my ears. I could never have predicted that my best friend would be struggling with her mental health as well.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.
"I didn't want to upset you, that's all," she looked away from the webcam, "But what I've learnt is that by talking to someone, it's setting your mind free. Like a bird that has been trapped for a long time and always wanting to escape."
"That's deep thinking Sadie," I nod, "I'll remember that for when the sessions start. But, I'm so happy that you're coming back."
The rest of the conversation passed by in a blur. After we said our goodbyes, I turned back to my phone and set my music to shuffle. What music started to play next surprised me so much, that I nearly let my phone crash onto the floor.
It was Sia's Bird Set Free.
ns 15.158.61.50da2
