When we got back on Route 66, the radio was blaring hip-hop music. I never experienced a road trip, my father was about drugs and getting more money. He went to abandoning me and getting more drugs. I tried to think of life in the best possible way, but it is hard when you go through with what I have dealt with. The trauma haunted me for a long time. When your role model goes for drugs, it puts you in a cycle. From there, it is a downward spiral and you decided when it ended. I chose then, I was not going to be the same person that my father was. I refused to have children who had nobody to look up to. I wanted my children to be raised in a place that was safe from drugs, abuse, neglect. These things were all prevalent in my life. I denied the cycle to continue. It will end with my generation
"what are you thinking about over there" Ness randomly asked.
"Nothing," I replied.
"I don't buy that. Come on" she pulled over on 66 again, with her hazards. I got out of the car and she nudged my shoulder.
"where are you taking me!?" I confronted, as I was pulling my arm back from her leading me someplace.
"You'll see," she said in a mysterious tone.
"You aren't going to kill me or anything are you?" I curiously interrogated her.
"With what, I do not have anything to kill you with!" she jokingly said as she scoffed
"The way you're leading me, I think you're going to kill me." I attacked her playfully, and we rolled into the water. The clouds were a dark gray and the body of water was barely able to be seen.
"I'm so going to get you for this!" she said as she swam towards me. I was swimming away from her. Suddenly, she disappeared from the surface I dived down into the water to see if she was there, but the water was so cloudy and dark that I could not see her. She popped up at the surface right next to me, but I felt something tug on my leg and I bumped heads with her. She sat there saying that her head hurt. I told her that we weren't going to get back into the car until she was feeling good enough to drive. We had to hide the car. She got in the car and put it in neutral. There were plenty of trees around so we picked one that was further into the area by where we were camping. We grabbed a couple of blankets that Ness always kept in her car and set up camp. We set up a fire, and she said the light of the fire hurt her head. She must have had a concussion and I was not going to let her drive with a concussion.
"I am cold!" she said as we were in separate blankets next to each other.
"what do you want me to do about it," I asked her.
"I don't know, but you're a guy! isn't your body warm?" she questioned
"well yes, but...." by the next minute I know, she grabbed the blanket that covered her body and put it underneath our heads. She snuggled her head on my chest, her body shivering from the cold.
"you know, you're heart is pounding right?" she lovingly asked,
"that's because we were swimming just a few minutes ago!" I made up an excuse. I did not want her to know yet. I had to hide, I did not want her to know I was lying. Even if it was a white lie.
"yea right. You won't admit it, but you like me!" she said. She was not mistaken, I was afraid to admit it. Any time that I would get close to somebody I would be pushed away. Often, I would be friend-zoned if I liked a girl because I was too nice. Other times, bad luck always follows me. Which is why I said,
"No, I don't. I like you, but not like that" I said, as I held my true feelings back. I know it hurt her, but it was too early for that. I had to try to please her, but with her, it was so perfect. She was the pinnacle of perfection so I did not want to lose her.
"How do you like me then?" she demanded to know. She sat up on the blanket and refused to let me sleep until I gave her an answer that she would be satisfied. I could not let the words out of my mouth, so I pretended that I could not hear her. It was a good thing that she was whispering and not shouting.
I drifted off to sleep, in such a peaceful environment, or so I thought. Ness woke me up in the middle of the night.
"AHHHHH" she screamed uncontrollably
"what's the issue?" I questioned, groggy.
"THERE'S A SPIDER. GET IT OFF ME, NOW!!!!!" she jumped.
"calm down, you big baby," I said teasingly. I grabbed the spider and let it go closer to the forest. She went away to the river to wash herself off. I peeked from the open area that was visible to the water. I wanted to make sure she was okay, it is really dark outside.
When she came up to the top of the hill, she looked at me and said,
"thank you for that," then punched my arm, in a friendly manner.
"I want to tell you something" I felt the blood rushing through my body, and my heart pounded as sweat dripped down my forehead.
"are you okay?" she asked, concerned.
"yes," I answered in a sullen tone.
"I don't think that you understand, I love you, and I just don't know how I can tell you that. I have had people I care about die, which is why I normally keep my feelings to myself. I'm not leading you on either. But, It's not a type of love that I have felt before.... I just don't know how to let out my feelings because when I do I lose them. I have the worst luck in the world. My father and I finally got closer. We were doing things together, being a normal father and son, and then he died." I held back tears and I held her shoulders as I forced her to look me in the eyes.
"You met me" she smiled with her dimples showing.
"Yes, I did. but...ugh. Now I wish I never told you this. Something bad is going to happen I'm sorry. they should call me cursed Travis." I claimed.
"No, nothing is going to happen. You are safe in my arms and I am safe in yours," she said caringly.
"I haven't had an easy life" she explained
"really?" I grilled her.
"Yes. Do you think I became a bartender because I like to show off my cleavage to old men? No, I had to work my way there. When I was born my mother died. I don't think I told you that, but she died during childbirth. My father was not expecting it. They were so happy, I was a planned pregnancy. My mother's death wasn't. I had gone to many therapists, and I asked God, why did you take her away from me. Why did you leave my father without a wife? My dad used to be super religious. After my mom died, my father chose other paths. He started doing drugs, to numb the pain that my mother inflicted by disappearing off the edge of the Earth. I had to become a bartender, to support my father. I sent him to rehabilitation, and I could never be more proud of him than I am right now. While I was in college, I supported my father, and ever since then he has not relapsed. I dropped out to be there for him, which is why I am still a bartender. I can go back anytime, but I'm afraid without me there he will relapse again." she told me as she showed anger and grief. I had not known that this is what happened. I was proud of how far she came from where she started.
"couldn't you choose a college closer to home?" I asked.
"It is not that easy." She cried in my arms.
"I love you, that's all that matters," I said. I leaned in towards her and I wrapped my arms around her waist. The surrounding area was perfect for this moment, with all the words said. I no longer denied my feelings for her. I leaned in a little closer and let her meet me in the middle. Her lips were so gentle and soft. I felt the fireworks go off in the background and I lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist gently as I kissed her a little deeper.
She unwrapped herself and we cuddled up in bed next to each other. We fell asleep as we looked at one another. Slowly, we faded into our dreams.
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