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Chapter 4
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I had never seen Jimmy totally naked after we got to be six or seven, but lots of times when he just had his underpants on, even when he had an erection.
Calling it that sounded soo stupid, but that’s what Miss Clark, our Family Life teacher at Morris High said was the proper term for a penis when it was hard. She even showed us “before and after” drawings of a boy so we could see what his penis looked like when it was soft and hanging down, and then how long it got when it was hard and sticking out—about five or six inches for the average boy, Miss Clark told us, but Stephanie and I already knew that, me from seeing Jimmy’s poking up in his underpants and Stephanie from making out with Brandon. We knew all the names guys called it too—boner and hard-on and woody. I could still remember us giggling our heads off when Beavis and Butthead called it a woody on MTV!
It wasn’t like I was peeking at Jimmy when he had one, but sometimes couldn’t help it. He didn’t wear pajamas when he went to bed, and when he got up in the morning and came out of his room to go to the bathroom his penis would be sticking up in his underpants for all the world to see. God Jimmy, can’t you wait for it to go down? I felt like telling him. Or at least go back in your room if someone’s around when you come out. Or before you come out, put on your pants?
I saw it up close too. If Jimmy didn’t get up by the time we had to get ready for school, Mom would shout up the stairs for me to wake him up. I knocked on his door first, then yelled at him, and if he still didn’t get up went into his room to shake his arm. And couldn’t help peeking at his woody if he had been sleeping without the covers on.
Melissa’s brother had that problem too. All guys did when they first got up, she told Stephanie and me, as if the little gossip were an expert on the subject, as if she knew as much about it as Miss Clark. There was even a name for it, Melissa told us—their “morning woody,” guys called it, and yikes, Kyle wore boxers that didn’t have the flap thing in them like Jimmy’s underpants did, and his poked out of his fly!
I had gone into the bathroom to change after I finished posing, and when I came out, Jimmy was standing stark naked under the glare of the umbrella thing. I tried not to look at his penis but couldn’t help it. When he caught me staring I looked up and our eyes met. Don’t be such a priss! Cruz says the human body is beautiful, I remembered Jimmy chiding me in the diner as I looked at his penis again, hanging down like the boy’s in the “before” drawing Miss Clark showed us. They were hanging down too, Jimmy’s balls, and it was even more embarrassing calling them that when you were standing there staring at your own brother’s!
I had seen them when Jimmy got older, like when the underpants he had on didn’t fit so tight. Even Stephanie did once when she was over at our house.
Jimmy was in the living room, sitting in Dad’s recliner chair watching TV. His legs were pulled up and spread, and if you looked down the leg of the baggy shorts he was wearing you could see one of his balls. When we went by him on our way up to my room, Stephanie and I couldn’t help peeking.
Kelly did you see it? Did you see it? Stephanie giggled after we got to my room. Did I see what? I asked her, knowing what she meant but pretending I didn’t because I was too embarrassed to admit I had peeked at my own brother. One of Jimmy’s balls was hanging out! Stephanie giggled again. Didn’t you see it? Stephanie shame on you! I told her. Smack you for peeking!
I blushed when I looked at the tip of Jimmy’s penis and remembered the weird thing I thought when we were little and it was okay to see each other naked, like that Jimmy had a little acorn at the end of his tiny penis, the tip with the roll of skin behind it looked so much like one. I couldn’t believe I could ever have thought something so stupid!
Jimmy’s acorn was way bigger now, and the hair he had down there was a little darker than sandy blond. Mine was too, the twins thing again, but Jimmy’s was curlier and he had more than me. I was surprised he had so much because he hardly had any hair on his face.
“Un pajarito, chiquita,” Cruz grinned when he caught me staring at my brother. “Un pajarito. Espera hasta a ver mi polla.”
A pajarito? That’s Spanish for Jimmy’s penis, I thought as I tiptoed over the light cords to the fridge to get another wine cooler. Slang, it sounded like. So did mi polla—for Cruz’s? Kelly you really should look up all the stuff he’s saying in the dictionary!
“I could use another one too, Kell. Could you get me a beer?” Jimmy asked me when he spotted me crouching down before the refrigerator. Cruz wanted another beer too. God, how many was he going to have?
I got the wine cooler and beers out of the fridge. After putting Cruz’s down on the little table I handed Jimmy his while he stood there totally naked, waiting for Cruz to begin shooting. When Cruz had to go out to his van to get more film, Jimmy and I had a chance to talk.
“I still can’t believe you told him you would do this!” I snapped at my brother. “Don’t you feel weird standing there with nothing on? And won’t it be totally embarrassing posing naked with me here? Should I wait in the bathroom while he takes the photos or go sit out in the van?”
“You don’t have to go anywhere,” Jimmy answered, and popped his beer open and took a big gulp. “I already told you you could stay. What is so bad about it, seeing my penis? It’s just another body part.”
“Yeah right Jimmy. I’m your sister, remember? I shouldn’t be seeing it!”
“We saw each other naked lots of times when we were little, so what’s the big deal?”
“It’s okay when you’re little, but not now. Not when we’re teenagers.”
“Well I don’t have a problem with it,” Jimmy retorted, and took another big swig of his beer. “Like for now anyway. You might have to wait in the bathroom later.”
Now just what did that mean? What kind of photos was my brother going to be posing for later? “Why would I have to wait in the bathroom later?” I asked him. “What kind of photos does he want you to pose for besides the nudes?”
“He said he’d pay me a lot more if I let him take some shots of me with a . . . you know, an erection,” Jimmy answered. “I told him I wasn’t sure if I could get one in front of him but I would like try.”
I was speechless when I heard that. “Are you serious?” I sputtered at last. “I can’t believe you told him you would do such a thing, Jimmy! This is getting worse and worse. Look what you’re letting yourself do, all for money, all for the sake of that stupid car! What does he do with photos like that? Did he ever tell you? He can’t put them in his folio can he? What if he sells them to a dirty magazine like the ones they keep covered up at the Quik Mart and someone we know sees them?”
“They’re not going to be in any dirty magazine Kelly. Okay, he told me he does sell them, like to collectors.”
“To collectors? What kind of collectors? Gays who collect pictures of naked boys?”
“So what if some gay guy gets off looking at them. Does it hurt anybody? Answer me that. Does it?”
“Maybe not—but you’d care if someone we knew saw them!”
“No one we know ever will!” Jimmy retorted. “Even if he sold them to a dirty magazine they wouldn’t, because the people we know don’t buy magazines like that.”
Jimmy took another gulp of his beer. While he was swigging it I looked at his penis, still soft and hanging down. What if he couldn’t get an erection in front of another guy? Like Jimmy’s not gay!
“So what happens if you can’t get a woody in front of him?” I asked my brother.
“He gave me Viagra in case I had a problem,” Jimmy answered. “I took it with my beer while you were in the bathroom changing into that bikini. It takes it awhile before it starts to work.”
“God Jimmy, Viagra? He gave you that? The stuff they advertise on TV? I thought that was just for older guys!”
“I know, but he said it would help me get over the embarrassment of posing with a hard-on and keep me hard the whole time we were shooting.”
“Jimmy don’t do it!” I pleaded when I heard Cruz slip the card in the thing that unlocked the motel room door. “Letting him take pictures of you naked is bad enough, but posing with your penis hard—that’s pornography Jimmy, and you shouldn’t be having any part of it. Don’t do it! I’ll leave if you do!”
“Okay! Okay! Chill out!” Jimmy snapped. “I’ll tell him I changed my mind!”
But he didn’t tell Cruz that when he came in with the film. He didn’t tell him anything. “I’ll tell him after he takes the nude shots,” Jimmy promised.
“You better,” I said as Cruz went over to the little table and picked up the beer I had set there, popped it open and gulped it down in three or four big gulps.
After loading the film in his camera he got two more beers out of the fridge, one for himself and another one for my brother.
Before they got started I looked around for a place to sit. Jimmy had tossed his clothes on the sofa when he undressed, and a bunch of other stuff had been piled on it, my backpack and the VCR, Cruz’s folio and the other albums, and the beach towel and sheet that had been on the floor, all rolled up in a ball.
Cruz needed the easy chair for Jimmy to pose in, so I couldn’t sit there either. The only place left was the bed. I climbed up on the bed with my wine cooler, and held it in my lap while I sat there with my legs crossed. Cruz moved the little table closer to Jimmy so he would have something to set his beer on when he drank it between poses, first in front of the sheet taped to the wall, then lying on the beach towel on the floor.
When he posed before the sheet Jimmy just stood there, not smiling like I did but staring straight ahead, reminding me of the picture of the statue of David in that art book Stephanie and I peeked at in Borders at the mall. It showed a penis not covered up, so Jimmy posing with his showing couldn’t be all that bad. And by now I had pretty much gotten over the shock of seeing my brother totally naked. After all, a penis was just another body part. Maybe Jimmy was right and I was making way too big of a deal out of seeing his. Like don’t be such a priss, Kell! Cruz says the human body is beautiful!
After posing before the sheet Jimmy picked up his beer and took more swigs while Cruz set things up for the shots of him lying on the beach towel. Jimmy had helped Cruz get everything ready when I posed laying on the beach towel, and now it was my turn. I put my wine cooler down on the floor and jumped off the bed, then picked up the sheet and beach towel from the sofa and spread them out on the floor while Cruz moved the tripod and set up the lights.
Jimmy put his beer down and lay on the beach towel on his stomach with his chin resting on his hands and his legs spread. You couldn’t see his penis because he was lying on it, and you couldn’t see his balls either. They were squished out between his legs, but the towel had gotten bunched up behind them when Jimmy lay down. Cruz wanted them to show, and had me pat the towel down while Jimmy lifted up his butt.
Being careful not to touch them I couldn’t help staring at my brother’s balls. They were way bigger than they were when he was little, and hung down more. And yuck, had hairs on them, a tiny few you could only tell were there when you saw them up this close.
“Los cojones, chiquita,” Cruz said when he caught me staring. “We need shots of them and su culo.”
Su culo? That must be Jimmy’s butt. And I already knew what cojones were from hearing a guy’s balls called that before.
I picked up my wine cooler and climbed back up on the bed. Cruz knelt beside Jimmy and started taking the photos. They were totally disgusting. Like what could be beautiful about Jimmy’s butt and his cojones?
The poses got worse. After taking the shots of him lying on his stomach Cruz had Jimmy lie on his side with his head propped up by his arm and one leg stretched out, and his other leg pulled up and cocked at the knee. Then he had him sit in the easy chair with a leg draped over its arm, and for his last pose, with both legs spread and splayed rigidly out in front of himself while he leaned back in the chair, propped up on his elbows.
No one would ever sit like this. Cruz was just posing Jimmy this way so you could see his penis better. It had gotten longer and thicker, and was starting to come up. From the Viagra, I thought. “Bueno,” Cruz whispered when he crouched down to take the closeups, and despite Jimmy telling me over and over how posing naked wouldn’t be such a big deal I could see the guilty look in his eyes as he stared straight ahead.
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