We never imagine the impossible, we are always stuck in our own ways. We are lost, afraid, and always, even though life is perfect, there will be a tiny speck of doubt.
That doubt not only comes from childhood experience and expectations, but also it comes from reading, listening and watching the media; it even comes from books.
We dream of happiness and having a long life. Some of us dream of money and dream about knowledge but...no one has it all.
There are unapproachable things in life, and when they are approachable, there are many complications along the way, like sickness, the “doubt” we have been talking about, people, and the world itself.
Some of us understand that life in this world is ephemeral… and that science wise, our planet will just cease to exist, and maybe even us, humans.
And Lane was well-aware of all this. She was sat in a chair, drinking coffee in a sidewalk café. While thinking of her own existence.
At least the sun was shinning, she thought.
She admired nature, she loved the aesthetics of each day, for her all of them were different. In France she got to experience each colour, she wished she had a passion for photography but she hated the damned thing. For her a good moment was to be experienced sans commitment to a camera. It didn’t matter how good the quality was, it was never like in real life.
Yes, it was an art but as many arts, she considered that one the less engaging. However, she loved films and she knew she was being hypocritical.
After her coffee, she called the monsieur and asked for the bill, she paid 2 euros and then, left for her hotel.
The streets of Paris were awfully quiet…or maybe it was the area where she was staying. Her hotel was located in la Rue de l’Espérance. Espérance in English meant hope, and she didn’t feel hopeful at all, and that road did not portray hope either.
In her walk, she thought about love for the first time in years, and entered the hotel, blatantly looking at a handsome french-man sitting outside, the french man looked at her for a second and then pulled out a cigarette, she ignored his action and then found herself in the lift, going right to the 4th floor.
Two days later she headed back to England. Her time in Paris had been short and hazy, busy at most, she had had a several business meetings and she didn’t think about them too much.
Again thoughts crossed her mind, she wondered about the her need of being good at her job, who needed her to be like that?, herself? no one was expecting anything for her and she always knew she wanted more, she was always hungry but couldn’t decide on what.
-Lane, are you doing much after work?- asked her co-worker on a Friday night after their usual shift at the enterprise, she did not know her name as usual, she looked at her with a tiny smile.
-No.- she replied, and she gave her a big smile. Her teeth were too white and too aligned considering the British stereotype…she considered her nationality wasn’t actually British but couldn’t tell for her usual rosiness of a white girl.
-Do you want to grab a bite?- she asked, Lane looked back at her computer and clicked on word, opening a new document.
-No, thank you…I will stay here…- Lane replied, her co-worker’s big smile disappeared and she finally walked away from her, leaving her alone.
Alone again, she wasn’t supposed to be alone…again. Humans were meant for human interactions at least she thought, and she looked at the floor, noticing her co-worker’s wallet.
Maybe it was the night they were in or maybe it was the fact that she was tired of being alone. Although she wondered of her own existence and worth, she thought people were her salvation, or at least it was “her” with the rosy cheeks and the white teeth.
She noticed herself running towards the lift and she noticed herself entering and looking at that woman’s face, and she was smiling again, as if she had won a battle.
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