I know this will resonate with a lot of people, as it is something we're faced with it on a daily basis.
Magazines, TV shows and movies, games, even the descriptions in your favourite books, all the characters or celebrities are these unapproachable perfect beings. I for one am constantly comparing myself to these images of what I wish I could be, and there's enough examples out there to form the picture of what the 'perfect me' would be.
I honestly hate the way I look. I would love to lose weight and tone up, learn to do make-up, and find a miracle that would tame my hair (I honestly have such crazy, curly hair. It's a nightmare). But I know the struggles too of trying to eat healthy and exercising, trying to motivate yourself into loving the real you, or even trying accept sincere compliments on the off chance that you get them. It's really difficult to get over that hurdle when you've been mocked your whole life and you've built up a barrier.
I got mocked for everything... My hair (I literally got called George W. Bush in primary school), my weight (if it wasn't my mother telling me how terrible I looked, it was my brother grabbing my love handles and calling me a rolly-poley), my height (I was teased because I was taller than everyone, including the boys), my skin-tone (I was too tan to hang out with the white kids, and too white to hang out with anyone else), my tomboyish behaviour (which only affected me when I left school, and I'll explain that later). And that's just a few examples I felt like sharing.725Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0okgW5Mlt
It gave me a lot of insecurities, some that I still face until this day. I was just fortunate enough to have been found by a very understanding and loving man in my darkest hour. He has been helping me through a lot of my insecurities, and he is still willing to stick by me through the insecurities that have left some annoying habits behind. But I know of so many other people, and I can actually imagine going through life like that, that never get the opportunity to find someone so special or something to help them get over their insecurities in a healthy manner. Society has messed us all up, only to make us suffer even more by creating a society that hates themselves and makes others hate themselves. 725Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XJRODLnTp
Like I mentioned before, the tomboyish thing was - or still is - a perfect example of this messed society. So, basically when I was in primary school it started, I would wear my brother's hand-me-down's because they were comfortable and covered everything I hated about myself, and act like a tomboy because... well, it was fun and less stressful, not to mention it was the perfect defense mechanism. So, fast forward many years (and many years of social torture in a broad spectrum), the first year out of school while I was working at a school camp (the irony). This is also the part in my life when I met my fiance, because the people I worked with were rude enough to use him as a way to find out why I was single and never made a move on anyone. They literally bet with each other for the reason I was single being due to me being a lesbian or because I had some or other sexual conflict within myself. And please, don't misconstrue this as me having an issue with the LGBT community, I am actually a proud supporter. But what grinds me is that almost everyone always assumes that if you're single it's because of sexual orientation or because you're too sad and pathetic to find someone. This also made me realise (after many discussions with people who had discussed my love life with other people) that the reason why so many of the things that happened to me in life and in my social interactions was due to this topic. It still affects me to this day, not knowing when I'm going to be grabbed again because assumptions were made for me.725Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTPzwUFkS9
It's so difficult to find yourself at your own pace when everyone is out there judging you and trying to force you into a hole that suits them. Taking the previous example again: I had a friend - he was very dear to my heart - that is bi, and tried to force me to be too. Because he could see that I was 'kidding myself', and if I ever wanted any hope of finding love I should consider being lesbian or bi at least, because it was the kind of vibe I was giving off. That messed me up too for a long while, trying to not only find out who I was as a person but also find my place in society, and the two weren't clicking well with each other.
I also fully understand that there's a big difference between trying to change who you are to fit in and improving yourself to love yourself. But this seems almost impossible to do since no progress is fast enough to show the progress we need to stay body/mentally positive. The one lesson I have learnt over the years that has helped me is that someone somewhere will always want to be like someone like you. You think you're too fat or thin? Someone thinks you're the perfect size and wants to be that size too. You think you're too tall or short? Someone wishes they could be your size to fit perfectly with their partner. And the list could go on and on. Also, the best thing to try teach yourself is to stop listening to the negative comments and just try be you. It's never easy, and it never gets easier, but eventually you'll just learn to let it go.725Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMWbra2z3H
-Until tomorrow's midnight725Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDxfi8zRXG
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